A narcissist will accuse someone of having a problem they don't have. Narcissists will accuse others of what the narcissist does and the others do not.
The goal of the narcissist is to get their target to feel guilty even when there has been no offense. Getting someone else to feel guilty, making them doubt their own reality is the best way the narcissist has of controlling others.
The target to be controlled are generally those who have a higher standard of love and kindness, a Biblical stance that the narcissist resents, or have accomplished something else in life that appears superior to the narcissist.
The target may not feel superior to the narcissist but if the narcissist feels inferior to the target they will pretend the target is at fault and acting above others.
Narcissists hate to be beneath anyone else, this is why they work so hard to appear superior and all-knowing.
When I was much younger something good happened to me, a prize at school, a family member came up to me and said; "I bet you think you are better." I had no thought in my mind at all about being better, but because the narcissist didn't like that something good happened to me, this person had to do something to make me doubt and ruin my joy.
If you have ever known a narcissist you will understand what I am about to say. They almost never laugh or smile with anyone else. They laugh when a joke is played on someone else or their target falls off their bike or runs into a tree. They seem to get great joy out of seeing someone else harm themselves or fail.
If the narcissist can't find anything real to demean their target they will make up something based on some small things that was not insignificant or not even a problem at all. They will make a problem out of nothing if that's all they have to discredit their target.
Narcissists are the most petty people in the world, everything is foolish or wrong about their target, and even a good deed does not go unpunished with the narcissist.
Sadly this world is growing in narcissism as we approach the end of the church age. The reason I write about this so often is to help the victims of narcissists learn to ignore them, avoid them, and deal with them Biblically when they must be in their presence.
The Bible gives us good guidance in dealing with these unregenerate people who have no capacity for love, all the fruit of the Spirit is missing and the devil is in control of their minds.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult (ragingly insane) times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
Did we notice verse 5? "Avoid such people as these."
Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Mockers inflame a city, but the wise turn away anger. 9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raving and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life."
Proverbs 17:12
"It is better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool in his folly."
Proverbs 26:4
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him."
Ecclesiastes 10:13
"The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness: and the end of his talk is mischievous madness."
Matthew 7:6
"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."
We must be gospel minded when dealing with people. Our first priority is to share the gospel with anyone who will listen. When we discover we are dealing with a narcissistic fool we are to stop speaking with them and move on.
The more you engage with a narcissist the more he will twist what you say, attack your character while mocking and demeaning. If we engage with them in these foolish arguments we are becoming just like them.
Proverbs 26:4
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him."
Do not fall into the trap of the enablers by thinking unbiblically that we must remain friends with everyone no matter how evil or destructive they are to us and others.
Proverbs 26:20-21 "…20 Without wood, a fire goes out; without gossip, a conflict ceases. 21Like charcoal for embers and wood for fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife."
Proverbs 29:22
"An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression."
As born-again believers we are called to be peaceful no matter what the fools are doing right in front of us. We are not to engage with them through childish banter in an attempt to win over them. If we do this Satan is the one who wins and we lose a piece of ourselves, whatever spiritual growth we had has been diminished.
Narcissists are controlled by the devil, they love conflict and hatred, there is no way to reason with those who are controlled by the devil.
Christ in us can give us when to speak and when to be silent. The response of the hearer is not our business, we must do what Christ tells us to do and leave all the results up to Him.
Matthew 10:19-20
"But when they hand you over, do not worry about how or what you are to say; for it will be given you in that hour what you are to say. For it is not you who speak, but it is the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you."
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