A narcissist takes what he hears you say and re-interprets it into what he wants to believe about you. They can never be honest or self-reflective due to an excessive desire to be superior to others, especially those who do not elevate them as special.
This problem of narcissism is growing rapidly as we near the end of the church age. God said it would be this way and how we were to conduct ourselves while encountering narcissists.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
These people will pretend to be good people but are entirely self-absorbed, easily angered when challenged to evaluate their own wrongdoing and resistant to admitting their own fault. They use manipulation, guilt, silent treatment and gossip to intimidate those who see what they are up to and those who will not allow the antics of the narcissist to cause a reaction in them.
In verse 5 of 2 Timothy 3 we notice that God told us they will pretend to be "godly" but are not and that we are to avoid them.
2 Timothy 4:3
"3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;"
These people boast about themselves to create jealousy in others, at least in their own minds. They think everyone is enamored with them and will lack confidence without them. They are deeply agitated when someone is confident and joyful without them.
Their goal is to do whatever it takes to cause a reaction in those of whom they are envious.
A good example of this mentality is in the account of Christ and His apostles. Those who hated Christ and anyone who followed them did so because they were frightened that glory would be taken away from them as people began to follow Christ.
The Pharisees were proud of their position in the community loving all the praise they got through their phony adherence to their own rules as well as parading themselves when they prayed in public to be seen by everyone.
When a narcissist fears attention or glory is being diverted to someone else they come unglued, hell-bent on disrupting the joy and peace of the one who doesn't need them to be happy.
Luke 11:42-44 "…42 Woe to you Pharisees! You pay tithes of mint, rue, and every herb, but you disregard justice and the love of God. You should have practiced the latter without neglecting the former. 43Woe to you Pharisees! You love the chief seats in the synagogues and the greetings in the marketplaces. 44 Woe to you! For you are like unmarked graves, which men walk over without even noticing.”…"
Matthew 23:4-6 "…4They tie up heavy, burdensome loads and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. 5 All their deeds are done for men to see. They broaden their phylacteries and lengthen their tassels. 6They love the places of honor at banquets, the chief seats in the synagogues,…"
The Pharisees were the ultimate narcissists, making rules for everyone else that they didn't follow themselves. They loved controlling others with false guilt about unimportant matters while pretending they were holy and righteous.
These Pharisees judged others for things that were not important and worse yet for things they perceived as sin that were not sin at all. They guessed at what someone else might be doing and basing their judgment on their own jealousy of that person, declared them as sinning, worthy of punishment.
There have been many times I have watched a narcissist declare something about someone else based merely on what they thought might be happening but was not at all what they chose to believe.
Those who look to judge others because of their hatred of them or need to feel superior will almost always be wrong. Their judgment is tainted with their own desired belief about their target. If they can pretend their target is the bad person by interpreting what they say and do as bad they ultimately justify their false judgment, even proud that they were so clever.
Proverbs 29:11
11 A fool vents all his feelings,
But a wise man holds them back.
It is impossible to reason with someone who loves to hate those they hope to be superior to, there is no sense of desire to understand the truth, there is only a wish to diminish the person for whom they are jealous.
We can always pray for difficult and nasty people who will not be reasoned with, however, we are wiser to keep our distance from them until the Lord brings them back ashamed and repentant.
No comments:
Post a Comment