Born-again believers do good deeds because they know it glorifies God, and because they are the right thing to do for the sake of the others they serve.
There is a significant difference in the motivations between unsaved people and born-again individuals. One is self-focused and self-glorifying, while the other is God-centered and other-centered.
When our focus is Christ and pleasing Him, we will not operate with manipulation and self-pleasure. We will be acutely aware of what pleases God and walk in His principles for His purposes.
And, yes, it is manipulation to do good deeds so that others will like or appreciate us. One woman once told me she did good deeds to someone who was angry at her to heap hot coals of kindness, as though she was the one heaping the coals.
When God said in Romans 12:20 "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on his head.” He was not telling us to do the heaping of coals on purpose to cause guilt in someone else. He was telling us to be what we should be, the loving person directed by God, and that may heap hot coals.
If someone is attempting to heap the coals of guilt on someone, they are operating from the flesh. It is not love; it is to further aggravate a person so they will be frustrated more than they were before. Perhaps the one who continues to aggravate the one ignoring them is really attempting to draw the frustrated one back into more conflict, refusing to allow the other person to be in control of their own life without the narcissist.
Narcissists hate when they have been denied access to those who have been wearied of the foolishness of the narcissist and have walked away in independence of them.
When someone is sending a strong message that they no longer want anything to do with us, we are to give them what they want and leave them alone. Continuing to bother them with greetings and gifts is manipulation to control their reactions.
This is a classic example of how many people twist the scriptures to justify their mean and rude vengeful behavior.
Those who are proud of themselves for "heaping hot coals" are usually the ones who started the whole mess and want it to keep going.
When we have genuine love and kindness toward those who have harmed us we do not do it to manipulate. We do it because it is the right thing to do and out of love. Boasting about heaping hot coals on someone shows an attitude of flippancy and revenge.
Those who want to heap the hot coals for the purpose of self-elevation are operating from a heart of control, the need to be the final word, pretending they are happy while the other person is sad. They have to keep the other person sad continually; this is the objective of those who want to play God and appear to be the innocent party.
I detest this kind of pompous misuse of scripture, and so does God.
May we seek Christ for the proper use of Scripture that we not end up dishonoring HIm through twisted Scripture and wicked actions disguised as kindness.
The more pretenders come into the church gatherings, the worse this problem of Scripture twisting is going to grow. We must know God's Word, pray for wisdom, and model it as led by the Holy Spirit.
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