People who are attempting to mend a relationship don't ignore the problem and just return with a gift without any apology; we can be sure their behavior will not change.
When someone has harmed us but does not feel any regret about it while wanting to pretend it never happened or that what they did was not wrong, because in their mind, you deserved it, then you know they are just manipulating so the consequences will go away.
A young woman once told me her husband insulted his mother, mocking her weight, saying, "You really look like a grandma now." This young woman supported the disrespect of her husband by saying, "She needed to hear it." When I corrected her that it was rude, mean, and unbiblical to insult a parent in such a way, she argued with me as though she thought it was acceptable to act in this manner.
There was never an acknowledgment that this act was wrong; in fact, I was disrespected for the correction. When you see this mentality in ungodly people who attend church gatherings every week, you can be sure there is a lack of love, humility, and all the other fruit of the Spirit.
Those who love Christ are convicted of their rude actions and words and learn from it to grow into lovely, kind individuals. Those who argue with correction and refuse to admit they did anything wrong do not grow.
Sadly, these same people who refuse to grow emotionally and spiritually will gossip to ruin the reputation of others because of their need to make the one who corrects look like the bad one.
People who have the fruit of the Holy Spirit cannot stand hurting others; they repent quickly and do not repeat the same actions. And, they never defend their rude behavior, they are ashamed of it and say so out loud.
When someone is rude and unkind regularly and never repents from it, it is likely they were never born again.
Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
When we love God and are led by the Holy Spirit we are deeply aware of our own attitude and actions, growing over the years, never growing worse.
There is a love that dwells within the born-again believer that is acutely aware of the needs of others more than even our own.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Philippians 2:2-4 "…2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being united in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."
Finally, relationships are not broken by the big things; they are destroyed by the constant little things that demonstrate a mentality of hatred.
Gossip to harm others and rude comments and actions are what ruin a relationship, the very reason God gave us the fruit of the Spirit of Christ and the love necessary to grow a relationship into a beautiful picture of His love for His Church.
3 John 1:9-10 "I have written to the church about this, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will not accept our instruction. So if I come, I will call attention to his malicious slander against us. And unsatisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers and forbids those who want to do so, even putting them out of the church."
Paul dealt with gossip, rudeness, and disrespect in the church gatherings, calling it out, he addressed the problems to convict of sin those who are arrogant, while protecting those who are being attacked by these wolves in sheep's clothing.
We are living in the times of 2 Timothy 3, in which people in the churches will have a form of religion but deny Christ in their attitude of superiority and the lifestyle of indulgence.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
I am comforted by the fact that one day the Lord will make everything right, and no one will get away with their disrespect for His Word and others.
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