When a narcissist shouts "you think your better", what they are really saying is "I think your better."
When a narcissists shouts, "you hate me", they are saying "I hate you."
When a narcissists says "you won't listen", they are saying "I am not going to listen to you."
When a narcissist says to you, "your judgmental", they are really saying "I judge people all the time. "
Narcissists accuse others of what the narcissist is and those they accuse are not, for the purpose of frustrating those they accuse. They want to cause you to react in an ungodly way so they can bring you to a place in which you sin.
It is a natural human response to defend ourselves and even feel angry when we are accused of something that is not true. If we are walking in the Spirit we will recognize these tactics and refuse to allow our emotions to rule us. This is what the devil wants, using a person to poke and prod at us until something ungodly emerges.
We see this all the time in family dynamics, the narcissist will attempt to drag you into conflict by accusing you of things that are not true. If they can get you to respond badly in anger they have proven, in their mind, that you are bad after all.
God tells us not to engage with fools whose only purpose is to bring out the worst in you, those who love it when you fail God, will not stop until you have blown up or spoken rashly.
1 Peter 5:8-9 " 8 Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in your faith and in the knowledge that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering.…"
These verses are telling us to resist the devil, not the person. The devil will use the person to cause fights and arguments, when we resist the devil we will not allow the person to push our buttons that cause the fighting. Our tactics of warfare are prayer and leaving the presence of those who attempt to engage us in sin.
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
Cognitive Dissonance the Elephant in the Room
"Cognitive dissonance" a term I heard recently that spurred some thoughts in me about the condition of the apostate church as well as my past experience in family gatherings.
The term describes someone acting in a way that is not consistent with their own moral code or beliefs.
I never heard the term until recently in connection with narcissism.
Sometimes when we are intimidated by others, desiring to be accepted by them, we begin to take on their ways and their thinking even though we don't really believe that way.
How often have we found ourselves being manipulated to remain silent or agree with people we know will become agitated or will not like us unless we agree with them?
In the past when I was much younger I withheld my true belief in family gatherings just to avoid the anger that I believed would ensue if I dared to disagree with the group think.
The more I allowed others to dictate the conversation, only those who agreed were allowed to speak their mind, then there would be no trouble. As soon as someone would disagree there would be rage and hatred emerging to intimidate the odd man out to remain silent or agree.
When we obey God we will not be allowing the fool to manipulate our actions or reactions. If we are controlled by the Spirit we will respond in the opposite ways that the narcissist wants us to respond.
The tactics of the fool as described in the Bible:
Proverbs 18:2
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
Proverbs 29:11
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 18:6
A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.
Proverbs 29:9
If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.
Our reactions to the fool that honor God as we are controlled by the Holy Spirit.
Proverbs 26:4-5
"4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
Or you will also be like him.
5 Answer a fool as his folly deserves,
That he not be wise in his own eyes."
The two verses in Proverbs seem to be contradictory, but they are not. Often we do best to refuse to engage in discourse with a fool knowing that he is attempting to cause trouble. However, there are times when we expose the tactics of the fool to show them their foolishness. Each action must be led by the Holy Spirit.
Being drawn into a conversation with someone whose only purpose is to cause a fight, would be foolish of us. When the fool is merely trying to win in an argument, we might point out their purpose and the silliness of their argument and then walk away from them. God will know which and when.
The term describes someone acting in a way that is not consistent with their own moral code or beliefs.
I never heard the term until recently in connection with narcissism.
Sometimes when we are intimidated by others, desiring to be accepted by them, we begin to take on their ways and their thinking even though we don't really believe that way.
How often have we found ourselves being manipulated to remain silent or agree with people we know will become agitated or will not like us unless we agree with them?
In the past when I was much younger I withheld my true belief in family gatherings just to avoid the anger that I believed would ensue if I dared to disagree with the group think.
The more I allowed others to dictate the conversation, only those who agreed were allowed to speak their mind, then there would be no trouble. As soon as someone would disagree there would be rage and hatred emerging to intimidate the odd man out to remain silent or agree.
When we obey God we will not be allowing the fool to manipulate our actions or reactions. If we are controlled by the Spirit we will respond in the opposite ways that the narcissist wants us to respond.
The tactics of the fool as described in the Bible:
Proverbs 18:2
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
Proverbs 29:11
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 18:6
A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.
Proverbs 29:9
If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.
Our reactions to the fool that honor God as we are controlled by the Holy Spirit.
Proverbs 26:4-5
"4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
Or you will also be like him.
5 Answer a fool as his folly deserves,
That he not be wise in his own eyes."
The two verses in Proverbs seem to be contradictory, but they are not. Often we do best to refuse to engage in discourse with a fool knowing that he is attempting to cause trouble. However, there are times when we expose the tactics of the fool to show them their foolishness. Each action must be led by the Holy Spirit.
Being drawn into a conversation with someone whose only purpose is to cause a fight, would be foolish of us. When the fool is merely trying to win in an argument, we might point out their purpose and the silliness of their argument and then walk away from them. God will know which and when.
Monday, April 2, 2018
You Are Not Alone
If you feel alone in your devotion to God, if you run into people and family members all the time who dwell in the place of superficiality with little interest in the things of God. You are not alone, just as the prophets were not alone, but felt like they were.
Romans 11:3-5 "…3“Lord, they have killed Your prophets and torn down Your altars. I am the only one left, and they are seeking my life as well”? 4 And what was the divine reply to him? “I have reserved for Myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal.” 5 In the same way, at the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace."
Romans 11:3-5 "…3“Lord, they have killed Your prophets and torn down Your altars. I am the only one left, and they are seeking my life as well”? 4 And what was the divine reply to him? “I have reserved for Myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal.” 5 In the same way, at the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace."
The Irony of the Narcissist and the Empath
When our focus is God, then we think about ourselves far less.
We are not Them Anymore
There will be those in our lives who love to remember us the way we were and not the new us in Christ.
They will treat us as though we are still a child or rebellious teenager, when Christ changed that in us many years ago.
These people refuse to see the new you, perhaps because in all their life they have not changed, so they negate any change in us.
Sadly these same people, usually family members, pass on their memories, even false memories of how we were, to other family who never knew us.
When we see that family members who claim to be Christians persist in viewing us in the past, while refusing to see the new you, which has been the new you for 50 years, then it is time to move on.
We tolerate far more from unsaved family than we should from those who claim to be Christians. They should know better, but have chosen their own thoughts and ideas above truth.
Why do they do this? It is simple, these people are so full of pride, they love feeling superior to us, it is unthinkable to them that we have moved on and grown over the years.
When we encounter a Christian who would rather live in the past, continuing to treat us as though we were still children, while leaving a false impression with others, it is time to move on, never looking back.
Matthew 12:47-49 "…47 Someone told Him, “Look, Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to You.” 48 But Jesus replied, “Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?” 49 Pointing to His disciples, He said, “Here are My mother and My brothers.…"
They will treat us as though we are still a child or rebellious teenager, when Christ changed that in us many years ago.
These people refuse to see the new you, perhaps because in all their life they have not changed, so they negate any change in us.
Sadly these same people, usually family members, pass on their memories, even false memories of how we were, to other family who never knew us.
When we see that family members who claim to be Christians persist in viewing us in the past, while refusing to see the new you, which has been the new you for 50 years, then it is time to move on.
We tolerate far more from unsaved family than we should from those who claim to be Christians. They should know better, but have chosen their own thoughts and ideas above truth.
Why do they do this? It is simple, these people are so full of pride, they love feeling superior to us, it is unthinkable to them that we have moved on and grown over the years.
When we encounter a Christian who would rather live in the past, continuing to treat us as though we were still children, while leaving a false impression with others, it is time to move on, never looking back.
Matthew 12:47-49 "…47 Someone told Him, “Look, Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to You.” 48 But Jesus replied, “Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?” 49 Pointing to His disciples, He said, “Here are My mother and My brothers.…"
The Gathering
Moving on from family to fulfill what God has for us seems impossible to many people.
So many people who may have a calling different from the road their families want them to walk, give up their goals and God's direction to be with family.
I have had to leave behind all extended family to walk with Christ. They were holding me back through gossip, demeaning and mocking as they hated that I had a different way of thinking.
Every gathering was agonizing, even though they claimed to be Christian they only wanted "play time", a little is alright, but when we ever got onto Biblical principles they were not interested in the truth of the Word, only in their own ideas.
The truth teller is always beaten up when they bring the Bible into a conversation about life principles, even among believers these days.
The Bereans were called "noble" by God for going to the Scripture to see if what Paul said matched with the Word. When we try to do this in our day, the believers sabotage the conversation to divert it from the word of God.
There were many times when I wanted to go to the Bible to search for the truth in a conversation with believers, but didn't bother because of the hostility of someone involved in the conversation.
Many gatherings are more about everyone just enjoying one another than about discovering truth about a matter. It would have been seen as weird to drag out the Bible to prove a point.
When we are in a Christian gathering we ought to be able to bring the Scriptures into the conversation as evidence of our point. Since everyone just wants to be validated rather than discovering truth, it is considered rude in our culture to bring the Bible into it, someone might be embarrassed that they were wrong, become angry and the fun time is ruined.
I enjoy playing games too with kind and loving family members, there is a time for this, however when that is all that happens in these gatherings, then they have little value for the believer.
Yep, this is the nature of our Christian gatherings today. Many gather to validate and praise one another, not to enjoy fellowship around the Word of God, growing and learning together.
So many people who may have a calling different from the road their families want them to walk, give up their goals and God's direction to be with family.
I have had to leave behind all extended family to walk with Christ. They were holding me back through gossip, demeaning and mocking as they hated that I had a different way of thinking.
Every gathering was agonizing, even though they claimed to be Christian they only wanted "play time", a little is alright, but when we ever got onto Biblical principles they were not interested in the truth of the Word, only in their own ideas.
The truth teller is always beaten up when they bring the Bible into a conversation about life principles, even among believers these days.
The Bereans were called "noble" by God for going to the Scripture to see if what Paul said matched with the Word. When we try to do this in our day, the believers sabotage the conversation to divert it from the word of God.
There were many times when I wanted to go to the Bible to search for the truth in a conversation with believers, but didn't bother because of the hostility of someone involved in the conversation.
Many gatherings are more about everyone just enjoying one another than about discovering truth about a matter. It would have been seen as weird to drag out the Bible to prove a point.
When we are in a Christian gathering we ought to be able to bring the Scriptures into the conversation as evidence of our point. Since everyone just wants to be validated rather than discovering truth, it is considered rude in our culture to bring the Bible into it, someone might be embarrassed that they were wrong, become angry and the fun time is ruined.
I enjoy playing games too with kind and loving family members, there is a time for this, however when that is all that happens in these gatherings, then they have little value for the believer.
Yep, this is the nature of our Christian gatherings today. Many gather to validate and praise one another, not to enjoy fellowship around the Word of God, growing and learning together.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
The Lack of Faith
In the modern apostate church, many have placed their trust in the teachings of educated men above Christ. When they have a question the first thing they do is go to "the pastor", instead of to prayer seeking Christ and His Word the Bible.
Stop seeking men and begin to seek Christ, you will be amazed at how wide open your eyes will become to all the errors and traditions that have been a part of your thinking.
Jeremiah 29:12-13 "…12 'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
Stop seeking men and begin to seek Christ, you will be amazed at how wide open your eyes will become to all the errors and traditions that have been a part of your thinking.
Jeremiah 29:12-13 "…12 'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)