Narcissism is the absence of love. Those who are plagued with it desire more than anything else to be admired as better than everyone else. They often boast about themselves as well as negate the accomplishments of others through silence. A subtle form of "you do not matter to me."
They do not understand the essence of love. This is why we see the narcissist snappish at times when anyone disagrees with them.
They never ask why you disagree or even bother to get to know others to understand them. Generally, they lack manners because there is no concern for others.
A born-again to be a believer is not narcissistic because they have the fruit of the Spirit.
Here is the fruit that is from Christ Who lives in us:
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law."
Those who love others have all of this fruit, they control their mouths out of consideration for others. Those who love care more deeply about being helpful to others than they do to be seen as right.
Narcissists must fight until they win because they do not care about others, their obsession with being seen as perfect and always right prevents them from engaging in meaningful dialogue with anyone who might disagree with them. You will never hear these people say; "oops I guess I was wrong about that."
Because they do not admit their flaws they do not grow emotionally and spiritually strong. They remain weak and fearful people pretending to be in control.
Narcissists are not peaceful, they engage regularly in angry tones of voice, punishing others who do not agree with them as well as attempting to control others' opinions of us when we do not bow to them.
If a narcissist cannot control us they will attempt to control how others view us. They must have flying monkeys, that is those who follow them unquestioningly.
Being seen as right all the time is far more important to the narcissist than kindness, than self-control and the other fruit of the Spirit.
Narcissists justify their lack of self-control over their mouth because they think they are right therefore they need not consider someone else.
What do we do with people like this? Its more simple than we might think. When we encounter them we do not bow to them, we speak the truth as led by the Holy Spirit. When they fight back we remain silent and walk away. We do not allow them to completely silence us but we do not engage in an argument with them. We do not give up our convictions to bow to them but we also do not keep speaking to those who have no capacity to hear.
Attempting to convince a person who will not listen does not change their mind. It merely falls into the trap of an argument that goes nowhere.
Proverbs 12:14-16 "…14 By fruitful speech a man is filled with good things, and the work of his hands returns to him. 15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to counsel. 16 A fool’s anger is known at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.…"
The obsession with being seen as always right coupled with the need to be special and superior is dangerous to any relationship. One cannot have a close relationship with a narcissist, they will only show kindness and love to those who elevate them as special. They aren't honest, when they are proven to be wrong they will pretend the thing never happened hoping no one will notice.
It is only through confession of sins and flaws that cause a person to grow in humility and become emotionally stable. The narcissist does not grow, change or engage in meaningful conversation in which both parties get to be themselves and have their own views.
Friendships are based on mutual respect, love is not based on performance or agreement but on the fact that the other person is a human being who should be treated respectfully.
Narcissists do not know what honor and respect look like nor do they want to know.
When we are born again we engage in prayer constantly because we love to be guided by the Holy Spirit. We want God's answers, being seen as right for our own adulation is not important to one who elevates Christ above themselves.
Luke 10:27
"And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”
When we love God above all else we will love others secondly and ourselves will come last. We are the most joyful when we live like this, its God's direction to us.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant.
5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered,
6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away with; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away with."
Hallelujah!!!!
