We have no business forgiving someone for their sin against someone else. This enables the one who sins to avoid having to go to the one they have harmed. Confessing sin is a necessary step in demonstrating humility and a desire to turn from that sin never to repeat it.
God commanded that we forgive those who have come to us to confess. No where in the Word are we commanded to forgive those who do not believe they did anything wrong and who will not confess.
If someone came to me to confess sin against my husband and ask my forgiveness I would tell them "no, I do not forgive you, you must go to my husband for forgiveness."
When we forgive someone who wrongs someone else we are showing our support for the one who sinned while being disloyal to the one they harmed.
Pampering the evil man is to mock God and demean those they have harmed.
Jeremiah 6:13-15 "…13“For from the least of them to the greatest, all are greedy for gain. From prophet to priest, all practice deceit. 14 They have dressed the wound of My people with very little care, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace at all. 15 Were they ashamed of the abomination they committed? No, they were not at all ashamed. They did not even know how to blush. So they will fall among the fallen; when I punish them, they will collapse,” says the LORD.…"
Our culture is becoming more evil all the time because of the mentality that we should just "let it go", without accountability and without justice. Notice I said justice, it is unjust to forgive those who are not sorry and have no interest in changing their behavior.
Jeremiah 5:12-13 "12 They have lied about the LORD and said, “He will not do anything; harm will not come to us; we will not see sword or famine. 13 The prophets are but wind, for the LORD’s word is not in them. So let their own words be done to them.”…"
By forgiving without repentance we have managed to help the unsaved to believe they can do anything at all without having to account for it.
Jeremiah 23:14 "Also I have seen a horrible thing in the prophets of Jerusalem:
They commit adultery and walk in lies;
They also strengthen the hands of evildoers,
So that no one turns back from his wickedness.
All of them are like Sodom to Me,
And her inhabitants like Gomorrah."
We have strengthened the hands of evil doers by extending forgiveness before there is any repentance.
Isaiah 26:10 "10 Though grace is shown to the wicked man, he does not learn righteousness. In the land of righteousness he acts unjustly and fails to see the majesty of the LORD. "
The false doctrine of forgiveness without repentance is from the devil and has managed to encourage evil. All we have to do is look at how wicked things are in our culture right now and how pervasive is the doctrine of forgiveness without repentance.
God told us to forgive the way He forgave, that way was never without confession of sin.
1 John 1:9 "1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Sadly many people have been pressured to forgive sinful people who refuse to turn from their ways. This has placed a monstrous pressure on the victim while coddling the bully.
I do not forgive Hitler for his atrocities. It is not for me to forgive him. I do not forgive the murderer who sits in the courtroom completely irreverent and lacking remorse.
Does this make me bitter, no, I have no feelings of bitterness nor do I ponder their acts day and night, no I do not.
The lie that we must forgive to keep from being bitter is based on psychology that presumes that we will be bitter if we do not forgive. The truth is "I forgive you" said to a wicked man who is not sorry does nothing at all. They are just words that fall to the ground.
We are living under the dilution that simply saying something makes it happen. There is no power in words at all unless they are God's Words. Our culture has mistakenly give power to words spoken by man akin to the prosperity preachers that say just have faith, just claim it and it will appear.
When we realize we have no power to make anything happen by our own words, we see the silliness of simply saying "I forgive you" to the unrepentant person.
Confession and forgiveness as described in the Bible is a wonderful thing. It takes away the obstacle in the relationship. No obstacle is removed when one party wants to forgive and the other one doesn't even think they did anything wrong. The obstacle remains no matter what you say.
Say anything you want, it doesn't bring about change nor does it remove bitterness. If there is bitterness it must be dealt with by God not merely a declaration of words said to make one "feel" better momentarily.
There are those who say "I forgive them but I cannot forget", they do this for the momentary high ground but there has been no forgiveness or the relationship would be restored. There is no restored relationship because there has been no sorrow over the harm done on the part of the one who sinned.
True forgiveness extended comes for the reconciling of a relationship after there has been confession of sin. No confession, no brokenness or sorrow over harming others and there is no forgiveness.
When we "say" we forgive when there has been no contrition of heart on the part of the of offender, then all we have done is empowered sin and cheapened the word of God through our human traditions.
Relationships can only be restored if both are present ,that is confession and forgiveness. They are a matched set that cannot be separated.
Now having said all that, as believers we are desiring to forgive when a person is ready to confess. When the offender refuses to see their sin and even justifies it, they are the ones who prevent the reconciliation by their stubbornness.
The best thing to do in these cases is to remove ourselves from them while praying that they might one day see their sin against us and confess it. In the mean time we must carry on in the will of God and leave that offender to God.
Never, never, never pressure a believer to forgive someone who has offended, this merely prevents a possibility of discussion and reconciliation. Reconciliation can only happen when there has been a conversation, the forgiveness without confession prevents a conversation that might help someone grow spiritually or become born again.
Unbelievers need to understand that God does not forgive them when they refuse to admit their sinners in need of a Savior. These people will go to hell for resisting the free gift of God, that is given when there is repentance.
Whenever you forgive a sinner without repentance you are giving a false view of what is needed to come to Christ for salvation. God does not ask us to do something differently from what He does.
When Christ said; "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." He was not forgiving them, He was asking the Father to extend forgiveness, but it would only be given to those who confess their sinfulness and trust in Christ.
Psalm 32:5
Then I confessed my sins to you;
I did not conceal my wrongdoings.
I decided to confess them to you,
and you forgave all my sins.
Psalm 69:5
"My sins, O God, are not hidden from you;
you know how foolish I have been."
Proverbs 28:13
'13 He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion."
Jeremiah 3:13 "13 Only acknowledge your guilt, that you have rebelled against the LORD your God. You have scattered your favors to foreign gods under every green tree and have not obeyed My voice,’” declares the LORD. "
1 John 1:9 "1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (IF, IF, IF)
Absolutely no relationships can be properly reconciled without these steps. God was clear!!!
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