One of the tactics of a narcissist is to pretend to be a helper and giver, while all the time doing their good deeds to manipulate others. Their goal is not to bless someone, but to control them.
Anyone can say anything, words have little value, even negative value when they are expressed without any actions as proof of what is being said.
"Actions speak louder than words" because much of the hurt that people feel has more to do with an attitude displayed toward others than what they actually say.
James 2:14-16 "14 What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?
15 If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,
16 And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?"
It is important that we pray for the Lord to put His love in our hearts, so that when we do speak the words will be fleshed out in how we act. If our good deeds are not guided by the Holy Spirit, they become nothing more than sources of pride.
When we do things to honor God, we never have to remember what we did, there are no strings attached, no records kept, no expectations except the hope of blessing someone else.
We do not give to get from God, but we will receive the joy of having honored Him, even if there is no other earthly treasure that comes.
Luke 6:38 "Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
Acts 20:35 "In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
Matthew 6:1-34 "“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. ..."
I once heard a preachers say, "if you always tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said."
It is also true of giving, if we expect nothing in return, we never have to remember what we gave.
There is nothing more burdensome than receiving a gift that has strings or expectations attached, it is better not to receive it, than to be placed in bondage about what we do with it.
I was once given a chair by an elderly lady. When she gave me the chair, she made it clear that I was not to paint it, recover it or do anything to it because she liked it just like it was. She knew that I am someone who is always fixing up things. That chair was a burden from the first day I got it, I worried about forgetting the command not to do anything to the chair. I don't have a great memory sometimes I forget things especially if I have had them a long time.
One day this lady came over, during her visit she reminded me that I should never do anything to that chair. It was then I realized that this was going to be a source of manipulation and control over me, so I politely told her that my memory was bad, I didn't want to hurt her feelings by forgetting and doing something to the chair, that I would have to return it to her. She was surprised, but not angry, she took the chair back and the burden of it walked out the door with her as she left with it.
A gift with attachments or expectations is not a gift at all. I tried to teach my children that if they give a gift, they should never care what happens to it after that, if there is an expectation as to what is done with it, then it was never a gift but rather a loan that would continually be monitored and burdensome.
I am thankful for all the lessons in the Word that lift our burdens while cleansing our attitudes. The less we hang on to emotionally in this world, the freer our spirits. Nothing in this world should hold us in bondage.
1 John 2:15 "Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."
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