Don't Feed the Narcissist

Proverbs 26:3-5 "…3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of fools! 4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him. 5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he become wise in his own eyes. How do we do both, "not answer a fool" and "answer according to their folly." The answer seems simple to me, we to resist answering a foolish person who just wants to fight as well as answering them "according to his folly" (meaning no answer at all). The fool does not deserve an answer. Every answer will feed the narcissists ego to keep demeaning and mocking as they argue to win. The narcissist never argues to come to an agreement, its always just to have power over others. When we refuse to engage in an argument with a narcissist they are starve of their food and will go away.

In the case of my narcissistic family they applied pressure to me to be a part of their system so that they could continue their covert and meaningless attacks. Its the old, "we want you to come to the party so you can see us ignoring and demeaning you."

The day the Lord showed me that I am not obligated to answer to others or play their games was the freest day of my life. I would encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to be so full of Christ that you no longer NEED mean spirited family members to feel whole.

In Christ we are free, whole and completely fulfilled, able to discern right from wrong and move on to others outside of family who will love and value you.

We should never be unkind to narcissistic family members when they cross our path. We can be as friendly and kind as we are to other strangers on the street. However, and this is a big however, we can choose not to make these narcissistic control mongers a part of our everyday life. We can even choose to decline family invitations, holidays, weddings, funerals and other things that we wish to avoid.

There are no scriptures that tell us we must engage with these people, nor are there any scriptures that say we must stay in their lives. I see just the opposite in the Word.

2 Corinthians 6:16-18 "…16 What agreement can exist between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be My people.” 17 “Therefore come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.” 18 And: “I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”…"

Luke 14:25-27 "25 Large crowds were now traveling with Jesus, and He turned and said to them, 26 “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters— yes, even his own life— he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry his cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple.…"

When we see that family is hell bent on ignoring scripture, disrespecting Christ and us for our walk with Him, then we are to obey God and walk away. It is more likely that we can remain loving and distant than if we were to remain with them.

When we spend a lot of time with someone we take on their characteristics. If we want to follow Christ and walk uprightly, then we must avoid those who do not. There will be times when we have to be with them but that does not mean we must remain with them or attend everything they wish us to attend.

YES! The good news is that we get to choose our companions without guilt. If anyone is attempting to guilt you into remaining with extended family merely because they are family, then that person may have to walk on down the road too.

We have love, we want to love, but the narcissist attempts to turn us into something unloving by constantly challenging us to respond to their nonsense. There is no love in them, if we want to be loving we must be with loving people.

1 Corinthians 15:33-34 "33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 34 Sober up as you ought, and stop sinning; for some of you are ignorant of God. I say this to your shame.…

If you want to walk as Christ walked then surround yourself with those who have the same goal.