Gaslighting: The Devil's Favorite Trick

One of the reasons it is so difficult to communicate with a narcissist is because their perception of life is almost entirely based on their feelings in the moment rather than the rationable reasonable facts that actually happened.

While listening to another video on narcissism the speaker gave the following example that resonated with me. Here was the gist of the video.

Narcissists can be on vacation feeling good and they will tell their friends that it was the best vacation ever only to change their tune just days later when they are no longer on vacation and are feeling down, then the vacation was the worst they have ever experienced. The responses of the narcissist are almost always based on momentary feelings. I could relate to what the video host said with my own examples.

They do not remember what they said so it is easy to change the memory of it while saying just the opposite of what they said before just days or weeks later.

I remember complimenting a woman on her interesting and functional purse. She told me it was really a camera bag that she thought would make a good purse. I told her it was a great idea because it had all the pockets needed to be organized. She carried that bag around for quite some time, I remember how useful it was.

Just a few months later I asked her if she still had that wonderful camera bag she was using for a purse and to my surprise, she said "I never had a camera bag that I used for a purse." When I tried to describe the camera bag to remind her of it she declared she never had anything like that.

This is only one of the times that this woman attempted to gaslight me, pretending something didn't happen that did happen. Since she could not validate me in any way she had to continually make me appear faulty in everything, even my memory of a purse.

When we encounter this once with someone we assume we forgot or they forgot or we misunderstood what they said. However, when these types of encounters occur over and over again we stop questioning our own recollections and begin to question their sanity.

Since narcissists lie so often they don't remember what they said and even if they did they would deny it to make us look foolish.

We never make judgments about someone on one or two minor events, but over time as these sorts of events pile up to become common we can see a pattern that is called "gaslighting."

When someone operates in the vein of continual competition with us we can never trust them. Everything they say and do will be with the intention of diminishing us in some way.

When these tactics of the narcissist seem constant then we know it is time to move on. We never want the narcissist to be able to begin arguments with us through denial of history. The devil did this with Eve in the garden, attempting to make her doubt what God actually said. Even claiming that God was trying to harm her in some way by not allowing her to eat the fruit from that particular tree.

When we know it is the devil behind the actions and words of the narcissist we will begin to see clearly what they are doing and when to walk away. The devil has a continual trick of goading believers into fights for absolutely nothing important at all, just because he can.

1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour."

Unity at the cost of truth is not unity.

Unity at the cost of truth is not unity, it's division. When we compromise the truth so everyone will be happy we have just denied God's Word. It is not those who are obeying Scripture and expecting others to do it too who are the divisive ones, it is those who bring false doctrine or ignore the word of God to adjust to the culture who are bringing division.

If a Christian gathering is attempting to have unity they will compromise truth to gain it. Those who are unified in Christ are those who seek the Bible to obey what God has said in it. Any other kind of unity is human unity and does nothing but water down the truth.

The only way to gain true unity is for all concerned to seek the Bible every time there is a disagreement, and praying for understanding. Most Christians today will not go to the Bible to seek all the verses and standards on an issue, they will just either fight to defend error or they will give up to get along. The church is in deep apostasy right now, reasoning with people over the Word of God is nigh unto impossible most of the time.

I actually heard some missionaries many years ago say this; "we need to compromise the gospel to have unity in the church." My mouth dropped to the floor when I heard it because these were people who were on the mission field.

If this is the caliber of missionaries we have been putting out there in the world? I can see why things have progressed toward apostasy.

Matthew 24:10-12

"10 And at that time many will fall away, and they will betray one another and hate one another. 11 And many false prophets will rise up and mislead many people. 12 And because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will become cold."

Let's not be those who shrink from telling the truth. We ought to be those fostering a spirit of inquiry into the Word of God to know the mind of Christ, especially in these last days. Expect there to be opposition to this ignoring it and continuing on as led by the Holy Spirit.

We are not Animals!

The whole industry of psychology is based on Darwinism in which people are nothing more than animals who respond to stimuli. In other words, those who are mentally ill are reacting to those who treated them badly. This doesn't really work well in reality because many abused and neglected people become the opposite of those who abused them because they hated it so much when it was done to them.

Lovely people who were abused have to work through their hurt over the years but they have no desire to harm others who have never harmed them merely because their families used them as emotional punching bags.

Humans are not animals, they respond based on a depraved heart or a good heart through choice, not out of instinct as Darwinists believe.

When an animal is raised from a baby in a kind loving environment they respond by being loving and gentle themselves. When they are raised in a terrible abusive environment they become distrusting and often are dangerous as a self-preservation instinct.

Mankind does not operate from "instinct" as animals do, they have the ability to be mean when all those around them treated them well. Some personalities love to hate, they think it brings them power, at least in their own minds and with some people.

I have known children who grew up to be mean-spirited who had loving and indulgent parents. The parents gave them everything they wanted and cared for them well. Perhaps it was a form of child abuse to refuse to discipline or say no to a demanding child? Nevertheless, these children had no reason to be angry with their parents and yet many of them accuse them of things they never did.

These parents favored the child they indulged believing if they gave the child everything they wanted they would turn out to love them and be good citizens, unfortunately, this was wrong albeit good-intentioned but unwise thinking.

When an animal is indulged they become kinder and more loyal, but a human being who is indulged becomes more demanding and less respectful.

When an animal is not trained with basic things such as to sit or stay or heel, they remain loyal and loving, even though they will not obey the commands when they hear them because there was no training involved, they still remain loving.

Unfortunately, this is not the case with indulged and untrained children. Untrained and indulged children more often than not become unloving and demanding. These children learn that if they have a tantrum when they want something it will be given to silence their bad behavior. So, these children learn to rage to get what they want and believe they deserve whatever they want. They care about no one except themselves.

Yes, there are children who are indulged who turn out well, but most do not. We are seeing the results of an indulgent culture in our country today. Most children who were growing up in the past 40 years are disrespectful toward their elders thinking it is normal and natural to disregard their parents unless that parent is useful in giving them what they want.

They do not listen to counsel and use terms such as, "unsolicited advice", as though advice should only be allowed if it is requested. This is the new mantra today to cause guilt in those who respond in a conversation with advice that is unwanted.

This indulgent culture of the past 50 years has created more nasty mean spirited adults than any other time in history. It is not hard to see why there are so many broken and bleeding families, adults and children alike are suffering as a result of the self-esteem teaching and the indulgent parents that thought they were doing right in allowing the children to act like the parents rather than the other way around.

The entire culture has bought into this monstrous deception. The schools, the churches, every venue one can think of operates from this indulgent standpoint of self-indulgence.

We have children now who boss their parents and use blackmail in the form of tantrums as children and rejection as adults to control their own parents. The narcissistic adults raised by an indulgent culture are rejecting, judging, and bossing their parents without regard to respect or honor.

One of the biggest deceptions ever perpetrated on us in the last 50 years was psychological training that treated human beings like animals and now we have adult children who act worse than any animal would act.

2 Timothy 4:3 "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but having itching ears, they shall heap to themselves teachers in accordance with their own lusts."

2 Timothy 3:1-5

Difficult Times Will Come

3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.

2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,

3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,

4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."

IF you have ever wondered how we got to this point, the disrespect, the dishonor, the mocking, demeaning, and rancorous superior attitudes, it is explained in these above passages. We are nearing the end times in which all goodness, love, and kindness have diminished greatly. Yes, there are still some people who do not act the ways described in these passages, but most people do.

There are also those who do good deeds merely to elevate themselves without regard to the person they are actually serving. Yes, they serve but have little or no regard for the one they serve because the service is to elevate self, appearances become more important than the person they serve. In fact, the person they serve is nothing more than a prop for their use. This is hard to judge because the actions look so good. One way to test it is to correct the server in a mild and kind way and watch what comes out. Often there will be defensiveness and anger, this is the clue that the service is not coming from a pure heart.

An authentic server will never rage at anyone ever. They are humble and interested in improving themselves, they are not defensive even when they might be slightly hurt or embarrassed at a correction. These kind-hearted ones improve with age because they self-reflect to see if the challenge or correction was true.

Proverbs 15:31-32 "31 He who listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. 32 He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.…"

It is good to evaluate ourselves by asking God, "what is the truth about me?", "Please show me my true heart that I might grow into a better person to become Christ-like."

We cannot grow unless we know what is really in our own hearts, not to praise ourselves but to discern the sin that still remains. When we face ourselves in honesty then and only then can we progress in holiness.

Psalm 139:23-24

"23 Search me, God, and know my heart;

Put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts;

24 And see if there is any hurtful way in me,

And lead me in the everlasting way."

Proverbs 28:12-14 "…12 When the righteous triumph, there is great glory, but when the wicked rise, men hide themselves. 13 He who conceals his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them will find mercy. 14 Blessed is the man who is always reverent, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.

What To Do When They Don't Accept You

https://bibletalk.tv/what-to-do-when-they-dont-accept-you

Beginning of Sorrows

The Accusations of the Narcissist

When a narcissist accuses you of things you are doing it is likely you are not doing them but the narcissist is engaged in them. Remember all the bad traits of the narcissist he attempts to place on others before anyone gets a chance to see them in him.

 
When a narcissist says "you are selfish" they are describing themselves. Usually, this accusation comes after you have done something kind for someone. They hate to see our joy and the joy of the receiver, they would like to think of themselves as the one who does kind deeds even though they never do or they do them rarely to gain something for themselves.

 
It is good to evaluate ourselves and the reasons for our good deeds. It matters to God whether or not we do them because we love Him and the receiver of the kindness.

 
Those deeds that are done in the flesh to gain accolades for ourselves will not count with God. Those deeds done in secret to be pleasing God, are the ones that count with God.

 
Matthew 6:1-4
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

Colossians 3:17
"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

When we meditate on God's Word daily, then is when we see clearly the way God wants us to operate in the world and the way we ought to be thinking, how we think drives why we do things.

Rudeness and its Joking

There are some people who say and do rude things claiming it was a joke. They think rudeness is alright if it was just a joke.

 
Here's what God says:

Ephesians 4:29-31 " 29 Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

There are some people who tease us who are doing it in such a way that we know it is kind-hearted jesting. Then there are those that insult for the purpose of causing defensiveness, we know the difference by the heart of the person and how often they poke at us.

I have known brothers in Christ who are sweet kind people who will occasionally respond with a joke, we see that it was coming from a loving heart. I have also known Christians who continually poke at us with the intent to draw out anger and frustration.

 
We can tell which joke is enduring and done with love in the heart and which ones are meant to harm. Those who mean no harm will apologize quickly if they see someone is agitated by their joke. However, the mean-spirited person does not apologize, they merely blame us for feeling hurt by saying; "you're too sensitive" or "you deserved it."

 
Those who do not care that they have offended others through the joking at their expense live a lifestyle of prodding and poking at others to elevate themselves.
If you have fallen prey to those who poke at you all the time claiming it was a joke you know what I am talking about.

 
We can discern the spirit of a man as well as the intent if we are spiritually discerning.

 
Proverbs 1:7
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction."

Ephesians 5:6–10
Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord."

Why is it important to know the difference between a kind-hearted man who jests occasionally and a mean-spirited man who makes a continual practice of degrading others? It's simple, we will have different responses for each situation. For the rude person who loves to demean others, we will ignore him and even avoid him. For the kind-hearted man who is endearing himself to us through an innocent joke, we laugh with him.

 
To laugh with the mean-spirited one is to encourage rudeness, partaking in their sin. To laugh with the kind-hearted one is to share in a jest that meant no harm and increases the bond of love.

We do not want to take offense at every little thing, that too is a self-focus. However, we do not want to encourage rude people by responding to them. Any response at all is food for the narcissist who uses other people as punching bags to elevate themselves.

 
The Lord knew we would encounter many kinds of people in the world and gave us all the principles to help us navigate through life. I am grateful for His instruction in the Bible, it removes the frustration and the possibility of our falling into the same pit of unkind responses. This is what the mean-spirited person wants, to cause us to fall so they can feel justified in their rudeness. Never give them an excuse by responding to them.

 
Proverbs 23:8 "…8 You will vomit up what little you have eaten and waste your pleasant words. 9 Do not speak to a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words."

Proverbs 9:7
"He who corrects a mocker brings shame on himself; he who rebukes a wicked man taints himself."

It is pride that gives us that sense that we have to say something or do something in response to rudeness. The problem is that when we respond we feed the trouble maker and diminish our own walk, we must trust Christ and do things His way if we are to remain untainted by this rude world.

 
Proverbs 14:7
"Stay away from a foolish man; you will gain no knowledge from his speech."

Proverbs 26:4
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him."