When impression management is the goal in a relationship there can be no closeness.
Genuine relationships are based on authenticity, hearts sharing what is real in their experiences. It is not possible to have a genuine relationship with those who will not reveal themselves in truth.
Impression managers are terrified of revealing anything about themselves that does not make them sound special.
Those who work to make sure they look good in the eyes of others hide their real selves as well as their experiences. They do this out of fear that someone will look down on them for the truth about themselves. When someone is always hiding it is an indication they fear the judgements of others because they spend a lot of time judging others on small matters and even half truths without all the information.
When impression managers like someone they will judge that person as being all good denying anything that might not be right to maintain the god-like status in their own minds. They will see everything this person does as perfect, right and good. Even without any real supporting evidence based on their own desired belief about this person they will overlook things that need correction.
When impression managers dislike someone they will view everything that person does as foolish or wrong, even without any supporting evidence and worse on gossip, merely because of the way they wish to think about them. Often this stance is motivated by the jealousy the impression manager is courting in their hearts. This is the reason they believe the gossip, they want to think badly of the person they dislike.
For example; if the impression manager sees the freedom to be honest in those they dislike they will be intimidated and fearful of them. Honesty frightens the impression manager.
The impression managers judge a person based on how that person elevates them personally and not on the character of their friend. As long as the impression manager likes someone they are golden.
When the impression manager does not like a person they will dislike everything about that person, they can do no right in the eyes of the impression manager. The character and personal intent of the one they despise is based on their independence from the impression manager.
The example of Christ with the Pharisees, He was a threat to their elevated status so they gossiped and lied that He did His miracles by the power of the devil. All the apostles were martyred except John because of the lies told against them. The powers that were at that time saw to it that the apostles were diminished and destroyed for telling the truth.
Narcissists hate people who are joyful and independent from them. They will ignore any flaws in the one they elevate as special and demean the one who thinks independently from them. It doesn't matter if the lifestyle is good or bad, it will always be based on the impression managers idea about them not on reality.
In my personal experience with family I have come to the conclusion that much of this thinking is cultural and even genetic. People who are impression managers often come from the same genetic and cultural base, the reason they all do and say the same things.
I have noticed narcissists who have never met one another using the same phrases and tactics they all do, even though they came from different back grounds. I do think there is a genetic component to much of what narcissists do, as well as cultural training by example. And, of course all orchestrated by the influence of the devil.
"More is caught than taught." People pay more attention to what others do than what they say. If the impression manager never gossips in front of their children but they treat disrespectfully someone, the children will learn to treat others disrespectfully. Never assume your words carry power, they do not, actions and attitudes care the weight that influences others.
In our culture today people are trained to think a certain way by the school system, the church system and the families they grew up in. If there was a narcissistic parent or leader in an organization such as a teaher in school or a pastor in a church system, these people carry the day in influence as to how others will emulate them.
These things are, in my opinion based on the Bible, demonically inspired. Without Christ the culture as a whole and entire families are effected by the influence of the devil just like Eve was in the garden when the devil convinced her to dislike God and ignore His commands and teachings.
People today in families and in churches are influencing people to be against Bible believers. These influencers are claiming to use the Bible in their teachings but they do it dishonesty through scripture twisting, leaven out passages and adding human ideas to deceive those they influence.
When people have learned to elevate certain people above others they will follow those people instead of God. They will become hostile toward those who bring the truth using Scripture rather than sitting down to discuss it honestly as they look at all the scripture to come to an agreement.
2 Timothy 2:15
"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."
This passage was not written to a hierarchy, it was given to every born again believer. Teachers are to teach and everyone is to evaluate through prayer and their own study to see if the teacher is correct or if the teacher is wrong.
Acts 17:11 " 11 "Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."
When there is a hierarchy system people tend to get lazy and allow those leaders to tell them what to believe instead of praying and reading for themselves.
When I was Catholic the priests told us not to read the Bible that only they could understand it. Then I became a Christian after leaving that system and the Protestand pastors would not say that but would act as though everyone should just believe them.
Then in later years I noticed the Catholic system was worried that their people were going other places to Bible studies and determined that they had better hold their own so that the people would learn the Bible the way the priests wanted them to understand it. So now Protestants are confused because the Catholics are reading the Bible too, so they think they may be Christians.
Ecumenicalism is growing confusing many people into thinking there are many ways to God. Impression management has been used in families and organizations to manipulate people into wrong thinking.
Divisiveness comes most regularly in the form of confusion, making those who hear the wrong gospel think it is the right one. The only way to be clear about the truth is to be led by the Holy Spirit as a born-again believer while studying God's Word.
No one will be saved, born-again, by believing what the hierarchy tells them. We must get our truth from Christ Who lives in us. Those who do not have Christ living in them will not be able to understand the Bible, they must be taught by the Holy Spirit.
1 Corinthians 2:14
"The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned."
If anyone is caught up in protecting their personal image through impression management they must repent and begin to be authentic. This does not mean revealing everything about our selves that are between us and God, but it does mean that we need to be honest with people in personal interactions, confessing the unkind things we do to one another to God first and then to those we have disrespected.
May the Holy Spirit guide every believer to be authentic keeping close accounts to grow in holiness.
