Does anyone else remember the story "The Emperor's New Clothes"?

The Emperor declared that he was going to march through the streets in his new set of clothes. The people gathered to watch as the Emperor walked along completely naked expecting praise for his new outfit.

As the people watching were shouting about the wonderful new clothes there was only one honest little girl who said; "but he isn't wearing any clothes." The crowd eventually listened to the little girl, but isn't it interesting that the crowd did not come up with the truth on their own? They said nothing until one person declared the truth.

It reminds me of so many Christians who are repeating things they hear and think they are true because everyone is saying so, but have no idea they are not in the Bible at all, and some even defying the Scriptures.

I even encounter Christians who will think the truth is a small matter, and the lie is just a friendly happy thing we should just ignore.

When the Scriptures are taken so lightly as to pretend it is alright to defy them, claiming "they are small matters", we know those who minimize God's Word have not trusted in Christ. If they knew Christ and walked with Him, nothing He says would be diminished in favor of feelings-oriented doctrine.

Ephesians 4:25 "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another."

Small lies to feel good have no value and often have negative value because they lead people away from seeking Christ to know Him.

Jesus Christ is the very essence of His own word, to deny His words and replace them with our own words is to deny Him and elevate self about Him.

Proverbs 30:5 states, "Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him,"

Self-Esteem Creates Lack of Confidence

The more self-esteem we have the less confident we have because self-esteem depends on impressing others.

God says; "esteem others better than yourself." 

Self-Esteem is not Confidence, Just the Opposite

The teaching of "self-esteem" was an incredible tactic of the devil that sounds good but defies God's principles in His word. It distracts us from thinking about Christ to thinking about self, as well as making us co-dependent on people instead of complete dependence on Christ.

Philippians 2:3-5

"3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude [c]in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,"

The only teaching about "esteem" in the Bible is toward God and others never toward self.

Sadly the devil managed to replace the word "confidence" with "self esteem" brainwashing people into believing confidence and self-esteem were interchangeable, but they are not.

When we spend our time ruminating on how wonderful we think we are we will never get around to respecting anyone else and this does not bring confidence but rather brings insecurity as those who elevate self have to constantly find ways to feel good.

We see it is common now in our culture that adult children are treating their parents and grandparents with more disrespect than we have ever seen in our culture before because of the self involvement that has been fostered in nearly every family.

The children of the 70's have grown into disrespectful self-absorbed creatures without empathy and love. Everything they do that may seem friendly is designed to elevate themselves.

I heard someone on the news one night excited that she had done a good deed, and as she put it in her own words, "it makes me feel good to do it." It seems innocent enough but when we see the focus was for herself to feel good the person she did it for was not even mentioned. This young woman revealed something about herself that discerning people would see clearly.

Those who do "good deeds" now will only do them if they "feel good," or if it is their own idea. They will say no to anyone who asks them for a favor if it is not their own idea. If what they did for someone else was difficult and brought hardship, they might not have bothered.

An answer the older generation might have given to a reporter would have been, "I only did what anyone should do to help someone." In fact, most older people wouldn't even want to be interviewed about their deeds, it would have been embarrassing to them to have the spotlight.

We are living in the most selfish and egocentric times in the history of this country and possibly the entire world. This is one of the reasons I am convinced we are in the end times fast-tracked toward the tribulation.

Religion in our culture is for the purpose of making people look good, not in authentic service to Christ but in service to self. Two generations now have been trained to protect and think of themselves above anyone else.

Even those parents who thought they didn't raise their children on self-esteem still implemented actions and principles that taught the same thing without using the words; "self-esteem", while denying they were doing it.

I once heard a mother praise her daughter for a comment she made at a missionary conference. The daughter heard the story of a missionary who was revered and praised for her work in the field, held up as an icon of virtue to be emulated. The daughter's comment about the story was; "I want to be remembered this way someday."

My heart sank as I heard the mother so proud of her daughter for thinking like that, while my heart was breaking that no one noticed how self-absorbed that statement was and that it was a self-focus.

Wouldn't a humble person who was not self-absorbed more likely say; "I want to be used of God some day", rather than the hope that others will remember her and praise her as they were praising this missionary?

So many ways of thinking are subtle and sound so good but are so wrong. Instead of using that moment to teach her child to be selfless, she praised her for wanting to be noticed and special.

My response to the mother of the child was; "well when we grow in maturity our desires become more about Christ than about ourselves." The mother was not happy with me, even acting irritated that I said this because it did not elevate herself and her daughter.

The truth!!!! It doesn't matter one wit whether or not we are remembered by people. It only matters that we please Christ and glorify Him. Glorifying self should not be the goal of a born-again believer and sparing someone's feelings to elevate self should also not be the goal.

Our culture misses so many teaching moments that help children to self-reflect and focus on the principles and commands of God, instead of themselves.

"Feelings" and "praise" have been the continual practice of most people today, so much so that the children expect to be praised or they become rude and angry when they are not.

I am a big fan of encouragement, but sadly the word encouragement has become enterchanged with praise.

Praise is fawning all over someone for doing good things. Encouragement is to inspire someone to continue or do better, but it is not about self as much as it is about pleasing God and their parents out of respect.

As adults we ought to be able to do what is right and good without ever receiving accolades for it. We cannot teach children this principle unless they have had to do what is right without continual expressions of approval.

We have such a low opinion of the children thinking they will shrivel up in a little ball if they are not commended for every tiny little accomplishment.

Those who are confident and secure in their walk with Christ have no need to hear continual expressions of adulation, they are satisfied with the blessing of knowing they did what was right even if no one else knows.

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I have heard mothers go on and on that their six year old tied their shoe correctly, as though they had done some great thing. I felt embarrassed at this over the top expression, probably to show off what a good mother they were to onlookers.

Remember when we praise children for doing what they should we are building in them the expectation that everything they do is special and should be complimented.

One mother did this in front of me, I asked the question; "hasn't he been tying his shoe since he was four years old." The mother said yes, the child was seven now. It conveyed to me that the mother didn't expect the child to ever learn so she was excited about every little occurrence of the tied shoes.

Once the child learns to tie his shoe there is no more need for even a mention of it to the child after that. Making a show of it conveys to the child that mother didn't expect him to be capable.

We build confidence in children by teaching them, once they learn we then expect them to perform, and this builds their confidence.

To act as though we are excited about them being able to do something is showing that we didn't expect them to be able to, leaving them feeling incompetent at something they were able to do without any mention.

Satan has built into the mindset of many people ideas that sound good but created co-dependency on others and leave doubt in their own minds about their beliefs.

I a person is not able to be alone with themselves they remain dependent on others for everything. There is only joy when someone is praising them. There is only confidence when someone else is praising them. There is an emptiness in those who depend on others for their inner tranquility.

Those who are secretive are this way because they don't know the reactions of others if they shared their life. They depend so completely on the adulation of others that they become very guarded and fearful of becoming their true selves. Their false self is always in play to avoid being disliked or judged.

The most judgmental people are those who are fearful about being judged themselves. If they can diminish others it makes them feel validated. The continual self-focus of our culture has created very insecure people who are easily offended.

The dogs to be afraid of are those who are fearful. They will growel and bite out of fear, this is very similar to the people who snarl and snap at others when nothing is wrong.

Those who have been excessively praised are the most insecure people we meet. They cannot be joyful and happy just being who they are, they must be continually applauded for everything.

When we walk with Christ we need not impress others, we are satisfied with being "nothing important", just being a child of God doing what He gave us to do is enough!

Hallelujah! Often God uses the nothing people far more than he uses the self-impressed ones.

Proverbs 16:18 "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."

James 4:6 "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

Proverbs 8:13 "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance...".

Adversity the Friend of the Born Again Believer

Our adversity shows us what we are made of, God already knows but He wants us to discover our need ourselves so we develop the desire to be changed by Him. He wants us completely dependent on Him.

Without the difficulties that expose our inner weaknesses, we cannot grow in holiness.

Those who must maintain a pretense of being someone without flaws will remain emotional and spiritual infants until they learn to confess their flaws and pray for a transformation.

God will continue to bring difficulties to the believer until they admit their flaws, perhaps lack of faith, perhaps bitterness or selfishness, whatever is inside dominating our heart will be revealed in difficulties.

Hebrews 12:8. "8 But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons."

Hebrews 12:5-7 "…5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” 7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?…"

Anyone who boasts that they don't ever have trials because they think they are being so good should be worried after reading these verses.

When we know we cannot gain heaven by our own goodness, then we also know we cannot be good enough to earn blessings either.

God is not like human beings passing out blessings based on performance. God blesses us as He pleases whether or not we have measured up enough. His love transcends performance reaching into the soul to create in us a heart that seeks after Him in everything.

Proverbs 3:11-12

"My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD, and do not loathe His rebuke; for the LORD disciplines the one He loves, as does a father the son in whom he delights.:"

God delights in us His children, notice that He disciplines those in whom He delights.

Job 5:17

"Blessed indeed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.v"

Those who choose to believe there is no reason to discipline them are not blessed and have no closeness to God, they only have their own false perceptions of themselves that they must continually prop up to feel special.

Prosperity preachers want people to focus on what they can get out of God and the wrong way to get it. They also foster resentment and judgment toward those who think they are being blessed by their own performance.

Psalm 119:67

"Before I was afflicted, I went astray; but now I keep Your word."

What an amazing blessing to be one of God's children.

1 Corinthians 11:32

"But when we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world."

Where Will You Go When You Die?

What Does a Real Apology Look Like?

A response to a dear Sister concerning the matter of forgiveness and reconciliation. 

Annie, the way I think says that if someone has a one-day experience with rudeness because they are going through something, I would not require an apology from them when they do not do this on a regular basis. Those I would require an apology from are those who have been mean and rude for years and continue to act rudely without a conscience. Or, if I confront them with their actions and they fight back, excusing themselves or accusing me of what they are doing that I am not, then I would require an apology to resume the relationship.

Those who walk a lifestyle of rudeness merely because they don't like someone is an unkind person and cannot be our friends.

Those who live a lifestyle of arrogant superiority and like it can never have a relationship with anyone really.

God made it clear that the confession of sin and forgiveness extended is for the purpose of reconciling a relationship. When someone is continually rude and not sorry for it, we are to remove ourselves from them until they confess openly what they did and that they are sorry.

There is such a thing as "non-apology apologies" that I would not accept from anyone when they say things like; "I am sorry you were upset." or "I didn't mean to do that" or "I didn't do that." A real apology sounds something like this: "I did these things (specifically), and I am sorry I hurt you."

It is important that they are specific because those who are not specific are hedging to look like the victim. "I'm sorry I was mean", should sound more like this; "I'm sorry I took your coat without asking" or "I am so sorry I lied to you about 'thus and such.'"

Specific details of the offense tell us they really are sorry. Generic "sorry you were hurt" is putting it on you for being hurt. Owning what we did specifically and being sorry for what "I" did to you is more authentic.

Legalism and Intimidation Go Hand in Hand

Beware of making legalistic rules that God never made, to force others to fall in line with your own idea about righteousness. An arrogant person thinks they have been ordained to force others to do things their way.

If the Bible doesn't teach specifically or have a strong principle associated with the demand, then we are free to ignore the dictate.

 
We might also want to remove from our lives those who are full of legalism based on their own pride, it is impossible to reason with someone like this. They are nothing but continual conflict over things that don't matter. And, sadly, they tend to be gossips attempting to convince others to avoid us over things that are not true.
Legalism kills the soul and torments the Spirit! Obedience to God's Word is what God wants and He expressly commanded that we not add to God's Word or take away from it. He knows it is the nature of man to think we can help God out by going beyond what He said, making burdens on others that He never made.

 
1 John 5:2-4 "…2 By this we know that we love the children of God: when we love God and keep His commandments. 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome, 4 because everyone born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world: our faith.…"

Those who wish to appear superior to others are always looking for something to criticize in others that are not sins but merely preferences. They spend very little, if any time, on self-reflecting to be sure they are obeying God and growing in holiness.

 
Legalism is more about controlling others than it is about edifying others from the Word to come closer to God.

 
Forcing others through intimidation, gossip, dismissiveness, and gossip is not God's way, it is man's way to control others.

 
Love is not the motivation of the legalist, the motivation is appearance to others and working their own way to heaven.

 
When a born-again believer evaluates something it is from the Word of God with righteous evidence from Scripture.

 
It has been my experience that legalists tend to treat others disrespectfully for things that don't matter but never have a conversation with the one they devalue, over why they are disrespecting them.

 
When we see this happening without repentance for this, it is time to end the friendship. These people often "dish it out but cannot take it" when it is our turn to voice our concerns about them. Since they must always be seen as the perfect one without flaws they will never self-reflect nor will they accept criticism from anyone else.

 
Friends do not seek to find flaws in others, if they see something they want to have a loving dialogue to resolve things. The arrogant person does not want resolution, they want power over and intimidation to cause fear in the one they wish to control.
Here is God's love in the born-again believer!

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Those who love one another do not "nit-pick" about things that don't matter and they are not looking to trap someone else hoping to discredit them to others.
I had a young woman once approach me angry. She said to me; "we are going to fight about this", I said; "no I will not fight about this, if you want to have a rational discussion coming in love to resolve something, then I will be happy to engage with you."

It has also been my experience that the one coming in anger is judging us over things we are doing in our own life but never anything we did personally to them.
Sadly, this young woman never came back to do that, because it wasn't resolution she wanted, it was a good fight to win over me. I never figured out what she was angry about because she was not willing to come calmly with love in her heart to discuss it.

 
When someone only wants to fight, without a desire to resolve the matter, then there is no reasoning with this person. From my experience the person who wants to fight will never consider your side, they will poke holes everywhere they can without a desire to understand, they only want to win.

 
There have been people in my life who treated me disrespectfully every time we were together but I never knew why they were doing it. I had to assume it was gossip but they were too timid to ask me if what they heard was true, or worse, they liked what they heard and wanted to despise me.

 
Jealousy often plays a factor in these relationships with those who wish to hate us. They are manipulated by the devil the same way Eve was manipulated in the garden to distrust and dishonor God when she defied Him by eating from the fruit He expressly said not to eat from.

 
The devil is very clever, he managed to get Eve to forget about all the other blessings God gave her in that garden while focusing on the one thing she shouldn't have. This happens in relationships too, the one who seeks to dominate and control conveniently forget all the good things they had with you to camp on this one thing you will not do their way.

 
I write these things because I am confident that many others reading this have had the same experience in one way or another. It is your nature to bless others but there are people you have blessed who hated the blessing because they hated you. They would concoct something in their mind with the devil's help, that made you look like pure evil. The devil did this with Eve, He made the Perfect God look like He had done something wrong justifying her disrespect for God.

This happened with Christ and it happened with all the prophets and the apostles. When someone dislikes you because you bring truth and they are jealous of you, they will prepare a false persona of you that they will pass on to those they wish to control with their gossip.

 
This is continual with those who love Jesus Christ and it is increasing as we progress toward the tribulation. The devil knows his time is short and must attempt to ruin the hearts of as many people as he can before he is thrown into the Lake of Fire forever.

 
Proverbs 3:5-6 "5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.…"

We will be going home soon!