55 years ago today, my husband and I married. We had been engaged for two years before our wedding day. We did not live together; we chose to wait to marry so he could finish his college degree before beginning married life. My Father-in-Law asked my husband not to marry until he had his degree, and my husband honored that request.
My husband was from a family of fifteen children, and his parents could not afford to help him through college, so he worked at a bakery after school, on weekends, and in the summer to earn what he needed to attend college. He was not one to play; he worked to achieve a goal and realized that goal, then he was ready to take a wife.
I was sixteen when he asked me to marry him, and he was 20.
No one would be able to convince me that marrying too young is the problem in marriages today. It is not the age that makes the difference in marriage, it is the mentality. We were dedicated to the principle that marriage was for a lifetime until death.
All relationships take work to gain closeness. Without the commitment to remain, discuss, and compromise, there is no relationship. Relationships are not built on ease of existence; they are built on mutual understanding, and this can only happen when each listens to the other, determined to grasp the concerns of the other.
It is interesting that people quote all the time things like "no pain, no gain", when it comes to physical prowess, but never speak of these principles for gaining wisdom and spiritual maturity. Life is painful, from relationship problems to physical illness. But when we are dedicated to fixing things we come out the other side of these problems stronger in our maturity and in our relationships.
This does not come easy when the youth of today have been taught in an indulgent play-oriented culture that everything should be fun and just the way they want it to be. They do not love someone enough to go through their challenges with them. We are sinners until Christ changes us into a new creation. No one comes to a marriage exactly what they should be, and sadly, those who think they do remain emotional and spiritual infants until they can admit they have flaws that need the cleansing of Christ.
There are spiritual leaders in our day who teach their followers that the man has ultimate authority over the woman and she should just obey without a word. This is not only the farthest from the truth, it is also ruinous to a relationship.
If a man loves a woman and if a woman loves a man, they will each care deeply about the desires, hopes, and plans of the other. To dominate someone without concern for them is slavery, not a marriage.
Matthew 20:25-26 " 25 But Jesus called them aside and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their superiors exercise authority over them. 26 It shall not be this way among you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,…"
This passage is referring to church leadership but applies to any relationship where there is a leader. Leaders are to lead by example and by loving teaching, not by force and indifference to those under them.
When Christ said that we will become one flesh in marriage, His intent was not that one half of the partnership would be completely silent and the other just along for the ride. Christ taught that we will no longer walk alone as if the other does not matter. All our considerations and decisions should be mutual.
If the husband is staunch and cannot be convinced, then the woman can go to prayer as she honors her husband in solidarity, as long as the husband has not told her to sin. If the husband is telling the woman to sin, she must decline and obey God first.
Remember Ananias and Sapphirah, this wife obeyed her husband when he told her to lie to the Holy Spirit, and God counted them as conspiring together and killed both of them. Each spouse must decide for themselves God's will and do it even if the others will not obey God.
The husband never takes the place of the Holy Spirit in a marriage. He is the leader in the home, but he is not the mediator between the woman and God. That is the job of the Holy Spirit. The Wife is the CEO of the household as described in Proverbs 31. That job was not given to her husband to tell her what to do; it was given to the woman by God, and she determines all that goes on in running the household.
The greatest concern of the husband should always be the well-being of his wife, and the greatest concern of the wife is to support her husband when he obeys God.
Ephesians 5:24-26 "24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her 26 to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word."
Obey your husband in all things in this passage does not mean when they ask us to sin, but rather when they obey Christ. We know this because God told us to "obey God rather than man", in other passages.
Colossians 3:19
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."
1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel, and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."
Jesus Christ is the head of all born-again believers, no man takes that position.
Colossians 1:18 (Christ) 'And He is the head of the body, the church; He is the beginning and firstborn from among the dead, so that in all things He may have preeminence."
Marriage is tough, but deeply rewarding when each party learns and grows. It teaches us to become selfless with great purpose when we seek Christ rather than self in it. If anyone marries to gain something for themselves, then they are not ready to marry.
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