Marriage is Work

In two weeks my husband and I have been married 42 years. We were engaged for 2 years before we married. I was sixteen and he was 20 when we met and within two months of meeting we became engaged.

Rodger wanted to finish college in obedience to his father, who wanted him to have a marketable skill before he married, Rodger honored that and we married two years later, he was 22 and I was 18.

God said that marriage was for life, we know that already, but sometimes we allow our emotions to misguide us into saving ourselves from hurt, blinding our eyes to the bigger picture.

Along the way we have experienced good times and hard times. I thank the Lord for all of it because even the hard times taught us many lessons that could not have been learned any other way.

They have not been easy years, but they have been blessed. That sounds strange to say "not easy" and "blessed" in the same sentence.

Often we forget the primary mission in our work of marriage. That mission is to uphold God's standard no matter how difficult it may be.

There is lots of forgiveness and brokenness that has to happen to cement the glue that ties us. The harder things get, the more resolve we should have to battle through the arrows of the devil.

God said HE would never leave us nor forsake us, we need to have that same resolve with our life partner.

You might wonder why I am camping more on the hard times as lessons than on the good times, that is because its easy to brag about the good times, those will keep us together, the challenge is to see the hard times as valuable growth spurts. Anyone can name all the good things, but we need to face the hard things since we have a divorce rate of 60% among evangelical Christians today... we need to see the marriages that will admit everything to help those who think if we are struggling with something then we should give up and find a marriage that will give us happy things to talk about.

Aren't you glad a soldier in battle doesn't think like most people do about marriage these days, they would never save anyone's life they would run at the sight of an enemy gun and go get themselves in a safe place.

We have been hurt, and yes, we have hurt others too. Are our hurts more important than the hurts of our spouse? NO! IF we see ourselves as God sees us, we will not be so quick to think we are the innocent party in anything.

We do many things that harm our spouse, out of lack of faith in Christ. My husband and I have lived together a long time, long enough to realize how insignificant our hurts are in comparison to how much we have hurt God.

Christ died for us while we were yet sinners, could we not do the same for our spouses. There were hard years, we were both selfish but looking back, I see the growth and today I can say with certainty that our love has grown for each other through it all, things are better than ever.

When we learn not to expect our spouse to think as we do, allowing them to have their personalities, their thoughts and convictions, then we can be more tolerant in the things that irritate us and even laugh about them.

If we had bailed out when things got hard we would have missed all the wonderful lessons, we would have missed being able to be forgiven and how to forgive.

Marriage is not stars in our eyes and fun all the time, it is work and worth the dedication it takes to reach the "golden years."

Those who cannot admit they needed change, will never see the growth that should happen in marriage. Those who think they are above others, will never progress past infancy in their walk, if they have a walk with Christ.

Again, let us remember that Christ loved us so much that He died for us while we were still in our sin, could we not do as much for our spouse, die daily to self, that our spouse might see Christ in us?

Which would I prefer....to get to the end of my life knowing I fought the good fight, obeying Christ, repenting when it was needed and forgiving when it was needed.

One side point that is crucial to a growing marriage, all those family members who think they know our marriages, need to remember that they do not know a person unless they live with them, they have no business judging another persons marriage based on a few tidbits of information they have heard. In short, if you do not live with a person, make no judgments about the marriage, just keep your nose out of it.

Just a word of caution.

More trouble has been caused in marriages by extended family busy bodies who think they know what is going on and they really don't. Bad unbiblical advice has been given when the facts are misconstrued, or misunderstood, causing many marriage break ups.

Another way that damages marriages is when extended family favors one person over the other in a marriage, get those people out of your life, they are hell bent on harming the marriage through covert unkindnesses to the unfavored one.

Very often the favored party does not see what is going on because they are flattered by the attention. My advice to those who live within marriage is to surround yourself with people who love both husband and wife in the marriage, or at least treat both with equal love and attention.

Seek God in all matters within marriage, if your spouse will not then do it by yourself and leave your spouse to the Lord. God will honor the marriages of those who remain in their marriages for the rest of their lives.