Thursday, June 18, 2015

The Narcisisst Ruins Families Get Away

I wrote this article some time ago, but felt led of the Lord to repost it, since I am running into so many people who are under the spell of the "Christian Narcissist." The devil is using these people to divide and conquer in marriages, pitting one spouse against another to cozy up to the one they elevate while demeaning the one that will not be controlled by them. It is a favorite tactic, to ruin families, devised by the devil. If he can destroy families with continual contention and foolishness, then he can ruin the witness of grieving believrs who don't realize what they are dealing with.

We see much more often now, the "divide and conquer" mentality in adult children, favoring one parent over another to destroy the one who will not submit to their control and manipulation. They devalue and demean those they cannot control, while having contempt for their accomplishments. They have no Christlike love, nor do they have any sense of empathy for anyone, their life is consumed with self on every level.

God described these people in 2 Timothy 3:1-7 and commanded us to get away from them. There is a term in the study of narcissism called "no contact", that upholds the concept spoken of in 2 Timothy, that is to remove ourselves from these people they are trouble makers who don't love Christ but claim they do, they who set out to destroy the joy and peace in marriages and families. They honor God with their lips but their heart is far from Him.

Matthew 7:21-23

Matthew 15:8

Here is the original article:

Have you experienced people who treat you with contempt through dismissiveness, ignoring you completely, leaving you out of any plans they make to punish you for some imagined or perceived wrong you have done? Those who would attempt to ruin every good time, just to keep you from being happy or fulfilled, will do this out of jealousy, they cannot tolerate the object of their contempt enjoying themselves, they must destroy their targets happiness any way they can.

Many people are experiencing this form of persecution because they speak the truth boldly and the narcissist just can't stand that someone is not elevating them as they feel they must be admired.

This evil of narcissistic behavior is growing exponentially since the onset of the self esteem teaching. The culture has taught many people to love themselves above everyone else and it has appealed to the basest of all human traits, selfishness.

Those who call a narc to account or disagree with them, about anything, will be their target of hate. They will go out of their way to negate all that their target does, even when there is no reason to, simply to keep, as they see it, the upper position.

Narcissists are people who must be continually elevated by their friends, they cannot stand being in second place in anything. When a friend challenges them on even the slightest matter, the narc will retaliate through various tactics to beat down their target.

If they can get their target to become angry, the narcissist counts himself as having won. If the target refuses to be manipulated and stands his ground the narc will isolate the target from the group or himself, to maintain the superior position.

A narcissist cannot have anyone in their life that does anything better than they do or who will not succumb to their manipulative tactics.

You will find them attempting to "one-up" those in their sphere of influence, if they cannot do it, then they will negate their rival in every way possible. Often triangulating, a term that means to turn others against their target through often subtle forms of manipulation and even blatant disregard for them.

I have had a narcissist tell me to my face that he did not respect me, while convincing another narcissist to follow suite. Simply because I told the truth, stuck to my guns in my stand, the narcissists couldn't tolerate it and began gossiping about me. Narcs do not respect anyone they cannot control.

He thought that it would intimidate me to tell me his hatred for me. Little do narcs realize that their attempts to destroy their target only works in their own minds, most often all they are able to accomplish is chasing away everyone who will not place themselves under the narcs thumb. The narc has only superficial friends, because anyone who gets close enough to really know them, leaves as soon as they realize what they are dealing with.

Narcs will tell half truths and lies to turn others against us, even though, if they were asked to tell the story of what the problem was, all they could say would be that we had verbally spanked them for something, their reasons are purely selfish, contrived and self glorifying.

Narcissists cannot stand correction, it flies in the face of their need to be superior to others. Narcissists will compete with others for top position even in spiritual matters, desiring to know more while being better educated in their own minds. They believe they are superior, often it is not true, but they must think so to keep their elevated position. They have a child like fragile view of their own self importance, that must be continually stroked.

This is why we see so many narcissists in the pulpits today. Those who think they have something special to offer God often become Bible school educated to flaunt their knowledge as though it makes them more spiritual or superior to others or as though going to Bible college really does make someone wise. There is a vast difference between having knowledge and having wisdom. But knowledge is honored much more highly than wisdom is among the narcissists. Since Bible school was man's concoction in the first place it was bound to eventually go bad.

Appearing better is enough for the narc, they don't have to actually BE better as long as they can convince others that they are, they are satisfied. Given enough time, the narc begins to believe he is better when the facts do not bear it out.

It is impossible to have friendships with a narc, they will not listen long enough to learn anything, believing they already know it all. They make judgements about others without evidence or so little evidence that they couldn't possibly know the truth.

Narcs must have "heroes", they need to be able to identify with other human beings that they think are as highly valued as they value themselves. Without heroes, narcs have no stability from which to draw. They do not trust Christ, because all their trust is in themselves, they do not trust anyone except those who are famous or deeply accomplished, having proven they are worthy of love and respect, but the narc does not love, they only elevate.

Narcs cannot enjoy love in the true sense, the Christ-like love of God, because their love is based on earthly accomplishments and how much the object of their love elevates them personally.

The only solution for the narcissist is to become born again, realizing they are nothing and sinful before a holy God, then and only then can Christ change them. The difficulty is that a narc is so full of themselves, it will take a monstrous disaster that they cannot control to show them their total helplessness. Until they can admit they are worthy of only death in the presence of a holy God, they will not be able to be saved.

No one can come to Christ thinking they have anything to offer, and be saved. It is only when we admit that we are nothing, and are worthy of hell fire, that Christ will save us and change us into a new creation.

I fear that there are far too many people calling themselves Christians who have never been born again, believing they had something special to bring to God, never having been broken over their sin, they plod along stroking their own egos about their elevated self importance, while resisting the truth of their lost estate, chasing off anyone who will challenge them in holiness.

May the Lord open the eyes of these self righteous narcissists, may they be broken over their sinfulness!

Matthew 7:21-23
"21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"

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