Often we wait too long to establish boundaries for our own good and the good of the children. When we wait too long we have trained the children to disrespect us, allowing them to show contempt for us, damaging the relationship. If it goes on too long then there may be and often is a permanently ruined relationship. There is always hope, but the hope is not in our trying, the hope is in turning the adult children over to God, through no contact, to deal with until they repent and become born again.
When an adult child tries to get in between our relationship with our spouse, then we need to limit if not cut off entirely that child until the Lord gets hold of them. Adult children can do damage to a marriage if they are not shown boundaries.
It is not the job of the child to judge, discipline or rebuke their parents, this is patently unbiblical, their job is to honor, respect, protect and love their parent. Adult children who treat a parent like a child, bullying them into submission is not only dishonoring the parent, but is heaping God's judgment upon themselves.
Sadly too many adult children are narcissists and use the sweet mean cycle of manipulation on their parents in an attempt to control them. This is dishonoring and down right wicked, and I might add it is not love but contempt for the parent.
We have a choice, we can stay in contact with nasty selfish adult children who use us, or we can bring God's peace back into our home by requiring respect boundaries and removing the child if they refuse to adhere to the boundaries, this also applies to the spouses of adult children. If the spouses will not show honor and respect, they will be treated the same as their adult children who do the same. God's permission to do this is mentioned in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 May the Lord guide you as you seek to honor Him in your home with your spouse, free of dishonoring adult children.
Below is a very good link encouraging us to take steps to stop the verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse by adult children against their parents.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJrCIKpVea0
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