There are many families who are toxic, if you do not do things their way, love the things they love, dress and act the way they think you should, you will be left out of the inner circle.
These groups are called cliques, they cater to the desires of their own cloistered group while ignoring or excluding anyone who is not just like them.
Of course this does not have to do with adherence to Scriptural principles or allegiance to Christ, but to traditions and outer appearance that have nothing to do with spirituality or godliness.
People who are in bondage to these cloistered groups are not free to be in obedience to Christ, often the rules of the groups have more to do with controlling others than they do with the freedom to obey Christ.
One man pastor systems are this way too. The problem with the one man pastor system, that is not at all Biblical, is that it places one man in authority over the group, dictating his own idea of the proceedings rather than Christ as the head.
Christ is the head, the men lead, each man, not only one man. When every man participates and they seek God together for the truth, then there will never be a controller, there will not be an opportunity for the congregants to become lazy in their walk.
Often church gatherings depend on the "pastor" for their spirituality, their answers and everything else. Even neglecting their own studies at home depending on the pastor once a week to impart tidbits rather than depending on Christ throughout the week.
Every man should be participating in the preaching and teaching. No one man has the authority over a gathering, no one man is paid and no one man dictates anything. A plurality of leadership as the Bible teaches prevents "pastor worship" and a dictatorial setting in which people are frightened to speak boldly and truthfully, even afraid to correct a pastor when correction is needed.
We all ought to be seeking Christ not the pastor.
We experience this in extended family sometimes, in which the men of the family consider themselves superior to their "underlings", those whom they assess as inferior in some way.
These self appointed superiors, those they perceive as less than they, are expected to elevate them and obey their dictates. They do not allow discussion or disagreement, it is quickly squashed through intimidation and mocking.
The best way to handle these types is to avoid them. If we have to be in company with them, it is best to state our view quickly concisely and then move on if there is a sense of rage demonstrated.
The Bible clearly states that everyone who is born again has the Holy Spirit and has something to offer in a conversation about God and His principles. Every believer has gifts and insights to share because of Christ Who lives in us.
1 John 5:3-5 "…3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome, 4 because everyone born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world: our faith. 5 Who then overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.…"
1 Peter 2:4-8
"4 And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God,
5 you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
6 For this is contained in Scripture:
“Behold, I lay in Zion a choice stone, a precious corner stone,
And he who believes in Him will not be disappointed.”
7 This precious value, then, is for you who believe; but for those who disbelieve,
“The stone which the builders rejected,
This became the very corner stone,”
8 and, “A stone of stumbling and a rock of offense”;
for they stumble because they are disobedient to the word, and to this doom they were also appointed."
Every believer, man, woman and child have gifts and callings according to the Holy Spirit within them.
1 Thessalonians 5:19
"19 Do not quench the Spirit."
Anyone who desires to place you in bondage to their own power is not acting in a Christlike manner and has no interest in your spiritual health, their only interest is in controlling others.
Those who lead properly and through the Holy Spirit will recognize and encourage your gifts. When you are face with having to choose between obedience to man or obedience to Christ, you must choose Christ.
If the authority over us is cooperating with Christ then that person will be pleased with your gift and never seek to discourage you from it.
Spiritually abusive people will gossip against those how love Christ, they will even concoct a reason to turn others against their target to maintain their own power.
We can recognize these people easily when we have discernment. It is good to encourage leadership that is Biblical and to honor those in authority, however we are not called to accept everything just because a leader declares it. The leaders are just as accountable to those over which they lead as anyone under them.
John 3:30
"He must increase, but I must decrease."
Every leader ought to have this mentality, that they are to diminish themselves while uplifting Christ. They will also want correction and instruction as any believer will need.
Proverbs 4:23
"Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it springs all life."
Proverbs 4:23-24 "23 Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. 24 Put away from you a deceitful mouth And put devious speech far from you.…"
Colossians 3:2
"2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth."
The man who desires to be elevated in his own right, will not be elevating Christ.
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