Narcissists do not want us to be who we are, they prefer that we become them. Because they are insecure they feel attacked when we have our own thoughts, activities and desires separate from them.
We can be sure we are with a jealous person when we share our successes with them and there is no response or a negative response. Those who are deeply narcissistic are envious of the successes of those they wish to diminish.
When we know that Christ is our focus and the One Who loves us we have no need to be validated by others. Its nice when we can share with close friends the things that have blessed us. And we love to hear from our friends the things that have blessed them.
One way to tell if someone is engaging with us in authenticity is their enthusiasm to respond to our joys and even our trials. When there is no response or grunting noises when we share, there is likely jealousy and discontent.
In our world today we meet many people who love to brag about their own things but have no interest in anyone else's accomplishments.
Don't let this mentality of dismissiveness discourage you, its all around us. When we do things to please Christ we will be satisfied with what we have done if no one else notices or cares.
We are living in a world today in which people are generally not very interested in what anyone else is doing unless it impacts them in some way.
We cannot always avoid people like this but we can choose not to be affected by their lack of interest in us. We can also choose not to become like them in responding dismissively ourselves.
The wonderful thing is that we can be what we are authentically in Christ no matter how anyone else is acting. In this world of the end times we can expect most people to be completely self absorbed and aggrandized, without empathy and without interest in anyone else. This does not have to influence who we are or what we do with our own lives.
What we are witnessing is a lack of love in the world. When we love Christ we will love people, all people not just those who elevate us.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away."
We must never deny what is happening and we must never allow it to shape who we are! Denying what is happening is a form of lying and will leave us off guard to respond in wrong ways.
Facing what we see as facts will allow us to learn the skills to respond the way we should in Christ.
There are those who think if they pretend something is not so that sort of helps them to avoid responding badly. This is not true, when we know what we are dealing with and we have the wisdom of Solomon to address it we will not be tempted to respond in kind or badly.
Knowledge is power, that is knowledge of the Word of God and His principles will help us be what we should be no matter what is going on around us.
The day we can speak the truth about everything without feeling anything, just observing the facts, is the day we realize God is in control of our hearts. Becoming emotionally involved with bad behavior will lead us to respond emotionally rather than rationally.
We see this with the liberals in politics. They respond more with their emotions than with rational and reasonable thinking. Because of this they start fights and destroy those that do not bow to their way.
With the covert narcissist the tactics are different. They still have the same mentality of harming those they are envious of but it takes of the form of subtle ignoring without overt responses. They diminish their target by treating them as though they are not worth hearing or validating with enthusiasm.
These people will even show great enthusiasm in those around us to show us that they like them and dislike us. This is common among narcissists. They love to "invite us to the party so we can see them ignoring us." This is a tactic that allows the narcissist plausible deniability, after all, they didn't do or say anything.
The news media does this all the time. They will report the things they want to report and ignore other things that the general population would be interested in but they don't want to validate that sector of the voting public that does not share their views.
Narcissism exists in every aspect of our lives. From Starbucks who are willing to lose business by telling conservatives they are not welcome to boycotting a conservative venue because they are patriotic.
Narcissism exists in families when the "clique" of the family is attentive to those they see as successful and dismissive to those they do not see as worthy of respect.
Narcissism is present in church gatherings, businesses, politics and everything else in between. If we were to base our confidence on what all these entities are doing and the way they treat us we would be emotional wrecks.
What the narcissists don't know is that our validation as believers in Christ comes from our identity in Him not in them or anything else.
Narcissists hate Christ and they hate what He does in us. We can feel sad for these people rather than taking them seriously.
Pay attention to the antics and tactics of the narcissist, knowing the mode of operation allows us to think rationally rather than emotionally. When we think analytically rather than emotionally we can observe without reaction and respond without emotion or choose not to respond at all.
Proverbs 26:4-6 "…4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him. 5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he become wise in his own eyes. 6 Like cutting off one’s own feet or drinking violence is the sending of a message by the hand of a fool.…"
Notice these passages tell us not to answer a fool according to their folly, but then it says answer according to what they deserve, that is no answer at all.
The devil will work hard to draw us into the folly of the narcissist, that is the fool. When we know God's Word and are full of His love we will act properly rather than through emotion.
Hallelujah!!!!
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