When Two People Become One in Marriage

When a young couple gets married they are commanded by God to "leave and cleave."

Genesis 2:24-25

"24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed."

When a man and woman marry it is vitally important that they develop their own ways of doing things. They are no longer under the authority of their parents and are free to make their own traditions, and their own decisions as they consult with one another.

Making decisions together without the input of hoovering parents makes the marriage stronger, the two are already one but when they seek God together they have a three-corded rope that cannot be broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 "And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

Far too often I see the parents of young married people interfering in the choices of their married children. These parents will not let go to allow God to work a new work in the new union created by God.

I understand that often parents have a fear that their adult children will not make the right choices without their parent's involvement. This is very sad and lacking faith in God, all we have with our children is about 18-20 years for instruction and counsel, if that is not enough then we forget that God needs to work in them without us. There is a problem with "control" over adult children that is ungodly and very unwise.

If a child does not follow our ways in the time God has given us with them then it is time to let go and allow God to work in them as they make their own way in the world. Co-dependency does not leave room for emotional and Spiritual growth.

There is a time when parents need to let go of their adult children and begin the rest of their own lives developing a stronger relationship with their spouse.

Life with children and a career are distractions from the marriage relationship to a degree. When the children are gone and the career is over there is time to become closer to one another as we move into our elder years. Interfering children can be a problem for the relationship as the children will not allow the parents to have their own time together.

I have also seen adult married children interfere in the marriages of their parents, this too is a sin. It is not the responsibility or the right of an adult child to instruct their parents. They can pray for them and love them but never instruct them. It is arrogant for an adult child to assume their parents have regressed into childhood now attempting to be the parent over them.

To honor parents is to value them, see their emerging frailty as they enter their aging years, and view them with compassion and empathy.

Ephesians 6:2-3

“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

Proverbs 1:8-9

"My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck."

The calling of adult children is to love and honor their parents, I see no instruction to correct, teach, dominate, or force parents to do whatever the adult children want. Any attempt to prefer one parent over another encourages that parent to ignore the other parent this is sin.

Adult children are to care for their parent the way the parent needs and desires. Aging parents spent a large portion of their lives caring for their children, they must be treated with respect and deference for their trouble. Niether the adult children nor the parents are to dictate to one another what is to happen in their lives. Each should discuss things in a mature manner and come to an agreement.

It is disrespectful to dictate to an aging parent as though they are a child.

I have no fear that we will be abandoned without help, the Lord has promised to take care of us. If our children are angry with our boundaries and will not obey God that is their choice, God never abandons us , in fact, He died for us and will take care of us in our elder years.

May the elderly who love the Lord keep their eyes fixed on Christ as they live out their final years in these end times of apostasy and rejection.

James 1:2-4

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."