Those who cannot confess their sin will not be cleansed of it.

When someone confesses their offense and we forgive them, it reconciles the relationship even better than it was before the offense.

The purpose of confession is to be cleansed from the sin, and the purpose of forgiveness extended is to cleanse the relationship of offense.

There can be no change of behavior in the offender without confession, and the one offended cannot trust again until there is sorrow over the offense.

Just like so many ideas in this cultural Christianity, forgiveness has been relegated to a personal feeling that goes nowhere and accomplishes nothing.

Psychology says "forgive so you won't be bitter"; it's all about self. God says forgive when there is repentance to reconcile the relationship; it is about the cleansing and restoring of a relationship.

God does not forgive us when we are not repentant. Our relationship remains broken if we cannot admit the need to be cleansed of our sin. When mankind does not think they have offended God, the relationship remains broken.

The more someone resists confessing their sinful nature and even individual sins, the more hardened they become. We do not do anyone any favors or kindness by ignoring their sin. It is selfish to focus on our own feelings when there is someone we love who continues in sin. We help others harden their own hearts when we do not require repentance, just as God requires it from us.

It is a lie from the devil that we will become bitter if we do not forgive those who are unrepentant. When we love God and others we care more about their spiritual and emotional growth and maturity than we do about theirs or our feelings.

Sometimes we have to lose a relationship for a time in order to restore it to a better condition in the future.

Jeremiah 15:19: "Therefore, this is what the Lord says: 'If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me.'"

Nowhere in the Word of God does He say He will restore us without repentance.

The meaning of repentance is to change our mind about our sin with the desire to be cleansed of it. Without confession, there is no desire to be cleansed. God will not cleanse someone who chooses to think they did no wrong.

Psalm 51:10 & 17: David pleads for a clean heart, declaring: "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise."

Those who do not think they need cleansing will continue in their sin and will become hardened eventually past the point of the ability to be convicted of their sin. We don't know when that is for each person, but it is a dangerous thing when someone becomes so hard they can never say, "I sinned against you and God."

The good news is that we can be changed of the sin within us if we admit to it and desire for Christ to transform our heart. The goal in our walk with Christ is not just to stop sinning; it is to lose the desire to sin at all.

• 1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

• Joel 2:13: "Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love."

God wants to replace our cold heart of stubbornness with a heart of tenderness and kindness. There can be no empathy or love for others when stubbornness remains in us.

All shows of kindness will be play-acting without substance unless it is God Who changes us. And play-acting will not remain; it can not continue because it is not real. Play-acting on the outside is not a character on the inside.

Have you ever noticed how often people seem to become more angry and less kind as they grow into their elder years? It is because the kindness they pretended when they were younger was too tedious to continue when the elderly become infirmed and without physical and emotional strength.

God can fix all that in anyone if their heart has not yet reached the tipping point where it has moved into a stone-cold heart that is so resistant there is no return.

Acts 3:19-21 "19 Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord;"

Confess to be cleansed and restored to God. Without it, there is no restoration. The times of refreshing and cleansing far outweigh the discomfort of swallowing pride to admit a wrong.

Rejecting pride and embracing humility to confess has a far greater blessing than the ugly sense of having power over others. Those who cannot admit their offenses will never feel the blessing of freedom from guilt.

Romans 6:14 "14 For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace."

Those who are free from their arrogance and pride are full of joy and have extinguished guilt; the fire of blame is smothered, no longer having any control over us.

Those who say sin doesn't matter anymore because we are under grace are using the devil's lips. The devil says we are free to sin because we are under grace. But God says we are free from the bondage of sin because of His grace.

Because we are under grace, we no longer have the desire to sin. Grace frees us from that which ruins us.

John 8:36 "36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

Keep looking up, question all that we hear, compare it with God's Word, and that will change your perspective entirely.