Driven By Love Or Driven By Boundaries

There is a difference between healthy boundaries for our lives and selfish boundaries that merely keep us safe from everything and everyone else. God doesn't tells us to lock ourselves away in our little cocoons and never allow anything bad in. He does tell us to maintain healthy boundaries as we are led by the Holy Spirit, not merely for self preservation, but for the good of everyone involved in relationships.
 
Believers should never continually focus on self for safety ...and protection or they would never speak to anyone who didn't meet with their personal approval, even in the smallest matters. 
 

Narcissists often disapprove and malign those who don't think like they do even over things that are not sin but only differences in thinking.

I am just now, in the past couple of years, learning about boundaries, I never had them before, but I want to be sure that they are guided by the Holy Spirit and never just for my own protection. God is showing me little by little what my boundaries should look like and how they should operate.

Below is an excellent article on this subject!

http://www.biblestudytools.com/blogs/association-of-biblical-counselors/am-i-boundary-driven-or-love-driven.html

The Evil and Wicked Heart

http://www.biblestudytools.com/blogs/association-of-biblical-counselors/5-indicators-of-an-evil-and-wicked-heart.html

Nuggets of Wisdom Rejected

"Living in this world as a believer is like having itching powder all over us."  Nathan Jones

 

For the believer, living in a world that has rejected Christ's principles, while the "Christians" claim to love God at the same time ignoring most of what He has written in His Word, there is a sense of frustration that most just don't get it.

 

When we claim to love Christ but ignore His mandates, we are lying! Loving Christ means to care deeply about His principles and His heart. 

 

Have you ever had a family member who had contempt for you, negated all that you believe, ignored you most of the time, until they needed something from you? 

 

Most of us have experienced this, we are available, we desire to help with nuggets of wisdom and good old fashioned horse sense that would help the needy person avoid pitfalls, but they were contemptuous for the expression of these nuggets rejecting them and you for having shared them. 

 

After rejecting the wisdom, these same people come back to you after they didn't listen, their lives fraught with misery because they refused to listen, while continuing to maintain the same stance they had before, only wanting you to bail them out of the mess they got themselves into? Do they even demand your help maintaining their contemptuous attitude toward you, even becoming angry when you make the choice to say no to them?

 

Believe it or not, this is often the way pretenders act toward God. They refuse to follow His principles, will and desires, and remain contemptuous when God does not answer their prayers or bail them out.

 

Isaiah 1:15 ""So when you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; Yes, even though you multiply prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are covered with blood."

 

Isaiah 59:2 "But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear."

 

Proverbs 23:9 "Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, For he will despise the wisdom of your words."

 

Proverbs 28:26 "Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. "

 

Proverbs 9:7-8 "He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself,

And he who reproves a wicked man gets insults for himself."

8 Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, Reprove a wise man and he will love you."

 

Have you rejected Christ's principles, flaunted your sin while claiming to walk with Him. If this is true, then you cannot expect God to hear your prayers, nor do you have the right to expect help from Him. God will allow you to wallow in your evil a little longer until your heart is broken over your own sin, ready to repent, confess your sinfulness, while desiring to be changed by Him into a new creation.

Christ is Retruning Soon are you Ready?

How many others are as excited about our home going as I am. Often when I am thinking about God's provision in this life and the next, a flood of joy flows over me.

This world is beginning to feel completely foreign to me, more so than ever before. Many people I thought I knew are retreating into their own minds, seemingly disinterested in the things of the Lord.

Those who love the Lord seem to be getting stronger, less affected by what is going on around them, as though they have mentally already left their house and the earth behind.

I have found the more we focus on the Lord the less attachment to articles and wealth no matter what our status. Those who are still deeply connected to the world, status and wealth, cannot possibly be seeing Christ. Don't we entrench ourselves in that which is important to us?

Psalm 16:8 "8 I have set the Lord continually before me;

Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

Hebrews 12:2 "fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Psalm 34:15 "The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous And His ears are open to their cry."

When I find myself becoming too entangled in this life, the Lord reminds me that I will be leaving here soon. Why do I keep allowing this world to affect me as I do at times? The Lord answers me in my thoughts, reminding me of His Word, He tells me that I am still in this flesh, this body of death as He describes it in His Word. As long as we remain trapped in this fallen body, we will have to resist the temptation to allow this world to control us.

Romans 7:24 "Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?"

Galatians 1:3-5 "3 Grace to you and peace from [a]God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, 4 who gave Himself for our sins so that He might rescue us from this present evil [b]age, according to the will of our God and Father, 5 to whom be the glory forevermore. Amen."

Hallelujah, it will be over soon, Christ will take us out, we will enjoy the marriage supper of the Lamb and then we will come back with Him as His army while He destroys the wicked world we were rescued from. After that we will enjoy one thousand years on the new earth with Christ ruling, the perfect leader, while we rule with Him.

It's all in the Bible, the believer who has trusted Christ has so very much to look forward to, may many more come to Christ before He returns for His church.

Manipulation Among the Brethren is Sin

A manipulative and controlling person has a desperate need to be superior at all cost. It is far more important to win in a discussion that even truth is with the manipulator. With the superficial manipulative person, being superior takes center stage over anyone and anything else.

It is impossible to have love or empathy for anyone unless it provides an elevating element to their existence, pretense will not change our soul, we must ask God to change our soul, that our empathy and love are Him working in us and not fleshly.

The insecurity within the soul that motivates people to be intolerant of questioning or correction, is so deeply entrenched, that dying would be preferable to being seen as wrong.

God's principles, His commands and His people are seen as a means to an end rather than something to love, follow and enjoy by the self-important individuals. Those who have justified an argumentative attitude to elevate self, forget that what they do is prideful and condemned by God, they will not progress in their growth, very likely they will continue to regress until they confess and ask Christ for cleansing.

Humble people may slip up once in awhile, when they argue a little too long or become agitated by disagreement, however they will not do it often, it feels ugly to them, they will not make a habit of it.

The manipulative controlling person will be seen operating in the vein of hostile contention on a regular basis, but they won't stop there, they tend to be vindictive, exacting revenge in many forms toward anyone who will not give in to their tactics or who refrain from elevating them as the authority for all things.

Proverbs 26:21 "Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife."

Those who place God as the final authority in all things are hated by the manipulative person, their greatest fear is not being honored by someone or worse being lumped into the world as no different from anyone else.

Romans 12:10 "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;"

Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;"

God makes it clear that all men have fallen short of the glory of God, all men cannot be what they should be and all men have wrong and sinful thinking. Even after we are born again we still struggle with the flesh, although as we submit to Christ, allowing Him to deeply wound our willful soul, we will be growing in holiness.

The closer we walk with the Lord the less we have a need to be seen as perfect or right, in fact our inner soul desires discussion to share what we know as well as learn what others have to share.

Self righteous people tend to have favorites and heroes. They must identify themselves with those who are better than others.

James 2:9 "But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors."

When we meet someone who want only to be superior, not giving a hoot about whether they really actually do have wisdom, we have met a rebellious heart who has bought into Satan's lie, "you can be like God."

A humble man or woman will be able to easily say "I was wrong" or "what do you think?", a prideful man or woman cannot do this, the words "sorry" or "I'm wrong", stick in their throat like gum on a shoe, it is unthinkable to have to humble themselves.

When we share as brothers and sisters in Christ, there is no need to bludgeon or subdue our Christian family members. We are to love the brethren deeply, desiring that everyone grow, never sensing a need to be superior to anyone. If we battle with this, then we should get on our knees to ask the Lord to remove the pride, not getting up until we have been broken over it.

Hebrews 13:1 "Let love of the brethren continue."

1 John 3:14 "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death."

Taking the Lord's Name in Vain

Usually our language gives away what is really inside of us. Taking the Lord's name in vain in the form of words, is an indication that we are taking His name in vain by not obeying what He says.

When we claim to be Christians but live as though we are not we are taking the Lord's name in vain. How many people never use words against God but live against Him? Just sayin!

If you claim to be a Christian using Christ's name as part of your title, but live as though you don't love Him and the brethren they you are taking His name in vain.

God Condemns Hero Worship

If anyone had seen signs of narcissism in Bill Cosby 30 years ago and warned people, no one would have believed them. He was an icon of virtue to many who saw him in family shows and his occasional conservative stance on politics and child rearing.

Little did anyone know about his home life, his party life, his secret life. This ought to be a warning sign to refrain from putting people on hero status with only media evidence.

When we put someone on hero status because of the little evidence we think we have superficially, we always run the risk of embarrassment somewhere down the road.

It is best not to judge anyone as "wonderful" or even "evil", if we have nothing more than superficial evidence not based on strong evidence that can only be discerned with much private time spent with someone.

We all have the ability to hide our real selves in front of superficial friends and relatives. Those who think they know someone based merely on their few observations in public or their own desire to believe things about someone, even worse yet on gossip, are foolish.

Proverbs 18:13 "He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to him."

Proverbs 10:21 "The lips of the righteous feed many, But fools die for lack of understanding."

Proverbs 18:2-3 "Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions."

Proverbs 1:5-7 5 A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel, 6 To understand a proverb and a figure, The words of the wise and their riddles. 7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction."

We have seen this time and time again with sports stars, television and movie stars, political entities and others who make it a practice of putting their best foot forward when in the media or public gatherings. Our pulpits are even full of narcissistic unregenerate human beings who know just how to work their fans and fool their family and friends.

Having met many people who are accomplished liars, full of deceit and guile, I can tell you how masterfully they can manipulate emotions, perceptions and reinvent events to their own advantage.

Jude 1:16 "These are grumblers, finding fault, following after their own lusts; they speak arrogantly, flattering people for the sake of gaining an advantage."

Next time you are tempted to place someone on godlike pedestals, remind yourselves how little you really know about them, also remembering that God is the only One Who is true, everyone else must not be held too highly or even too lowly.

 

Romans 3:4 "May it never be! Rather, let God be found true, though every man be found a liar, as it is written, "THAT YOU MAY BE JUSTIFIED IN YOUR WORDS, AND PREVAIL WHEN YOU ARE JUDGED."

1 John 4:1 "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world."

John 7:24 ""Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment."

Our culture has become a culture of heroes and false gods, there is a sense of being special ourselves when we can align ourselves with the hero in some way. Narcissists often have heroes, they relish the idea of being elevated along with their heroes, as they hold them in high regard, speak of them frequently, while speaking of God infrequently.

I have actually heard believers say "so and so is my hero", not realizing that God never tells us to hold anyone in hero status. There are no Bible verses that encourage "hero worship." These same people almost never display excitement or joy about what Christ did on the cross or the latest thing God taught them from the word in terms of character assessment. Many of these people go for knowledge about events, but have little wisdom in the area of integrity and character.

Since everyone is imperfect, we can surmise that those who desire to have "heroes" wish themselves to be one, after all, why would we elevate anyone to hero status unless there was a desire to identify with that hero.

When we are more likely to identify with human heroes, we will have no need of Christ, Who should be the only One elevated, the only One we worship. It is difficult for narcissists to love anyone, because their criteria for their love is always whether or not their hero measures up.

No man measures up, all men have fallen short of the glory of God in one way or another. One who has the standard of perfection for others, must believe they have arrived at perfection. These people are enraged at the suggestion that they have a need for change, while becoming angry when their icons of heroes worship are challenged.

 

When Christ is our only hero, we are free to love others no matter their personality warts or occasional flaws. When we place human beings on the same level of godhood as Christ, we can no longer love anyone who falls off their pedestal, weakness and neediness is seen as worthy of contempt, so much so, the one who has fallen is not helped to be restored, but rather beaten down to further injure them.

 

Romans 15:1 "Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves."

There can not be love when there is hero worship and there can be no love without empathy. Self promotion is at the root of this hero worship as well as false judgments about others.

Often those who think they know so much about another person, really know very little, all they have is the desire to believe based on prejudice, good or bad, they judge wrongly because of the arrogance in their hearts.

Do not be intimidated by these people, be thankful that God is the final judge and He knows everything about us and everything about the heart of another man.

Psalm 139:1-6
"139 O Lord, You have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. 3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. 5 You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it."