Gossips Divide Friends

When we meet someone who is so guarded they only tell you things that they think will impress you we can be sure they are hiding something.

 
Perhaps they gossip among themselves and are fearful that if they tell someone anything, the hearer will gossip about them.

 
There is a difference in telling someone something that happened to you personally and your reaction to it, and what you heard from someone else that you did not see for yourself.

 
We often share things that happen to us with our close and trusted friends. However, it is not wise to share details with those who have a tendency to make judgments and repeat their judgments to others about things when all they have is guesses about what might be the case.

 
I once heard someone tell me they were irritated by the way a father was talking to his daughter. The daughter and father were yards away from the hearer, who didn't know exactly what the father was saying or the life of the daughter on every other day of the week when the observer was never around. Presuming to know what might have been said and the sad face of the daughter, the story was relayed as the father doing something unkind without cause.

 
Personally, it would never occur to me to make a judgment about a conversation between a father and his daughter from yards away, much less repeat to anyone what "might" be happening.

 
Gossip is always relayed to others, liberally sprinkled with the prejudices of the gossiper about the one they whisper about.

 
Gossip is not hard to discern; it is always guesses about what the gossiper thinks might be happening and always tainted in a negative light to demean the person who is being gossiped about.

 
In another case, someone judged a woman as unsubmissive to her husband because she and her husband discussed things together rather than the husband making all the decisions. The gossiper judged things that were none of their business and then passed on their assessment about what they thought was happening, without knowing the dynamics of the relationship, even worse, making up their own details they believed were happening.

 
Perhaps it is best to keep our noses out of the lives of others unless the others bring us in as a friend and confidant. And, if someone does include us as a confidant, then we are to keep the confidences shared with us if we love that person.

 
Gossip is not love; it is an attempt to gain allies against a person who is disliked, and worse, there is jealousy against. Relaying personal matters about others when the others have no need to know is clearly an attempt to turn people against the one who is despised.

I use the word despised because the result of gossip is to harm someone, and it is only hatred that motivates those who do it.

 
Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

Proverbs 16:28 "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends."

Be the friend you want others to be to you, love them enough to keep silent with those who have no need to know the muck and struggles of others. And, sometimes even relaying good things will empower the gossip who will twist what they are jealous of.