Narcissistic abusers attempt to isolate the victim or scapegoat, since the best way to stay in control and lord it over someone, is to remove all other input from outside sources in the life of the victim.
The narcissist feels threatened by the input of others because they hate accountability. If they are with a victim long enough the victim will often begin to act like the narcissist thinking their behavior is righteous and normal, when in fact it is deviant.
In Christianity, the true Christianity, we are accountable to one another on some level. The narcissist hates any form of accountability, it means that they are not perfect as they love to believe about themselves.
In the Word of God we are never taught to "lord it over" or control another human being. We are told to share the truth and allow the hearer to decide for themselves. When the hearer will not listen to truth and are blatantly rebellious then we are to walk away and leave them to the Lord.
Matthew 20:25 "…24 And hearing this, the ten became indignant with the two brothers. 25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. 26 "It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,…"
There is a movement within Christendom that promotes the idea that the leaders and husbands should be served without question, while they are allowed to abuse emotionally those in their charge. This movement is evil and patently against what the Bible teaches.
God teaches in His word that leaders are to be servants first, caring deeply about the welfare and needs of those they serve. Any leaders who promotes absolute allegiance to him and expects to be served, is an evil leader.
All believers in the body are accountable to all other believers. We all have a voice in the lives of each other, even though our calling may be different from another believer, we are not less or more than any other believer.
Proverbs 27:17
"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
Galatians 6:1-2
"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Matthew 18:15-17
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."
James 5:16
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
James 5:19-20
"My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."
Ephesians 4:25
"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another."
A narcissists does not have the ability to place themselves in someone else's shoes to understand their needs. Everything is all about getting what they want, no matter how anyone else feels about it.
The most narcissistic people are those who have been excessively praised all their lives and who have had few if any rules placed on them as children or young adults. They are trained that rules are for others, not for them. They are enraged at the idea that anyone should question them or call them to account about their behavior.
One of the most tell tale signs of a selfish person is their embarrassment at manners and courtesy. They hate these things because it means that they must defer to others.
In this individualistic culture in America, people have been raised and taught to believe that no one else has a right to speak into their lives truth unless it praises or elevates them. Many people are incredulous when any attempt is made to discuss a matter that might make them accountable or appear that they have need of change in their heart or the way they conduct themselves.
This is what the teaching of self esteem has created, self absorbed, glory seeking people who cannot tolerate correction to help them see a need for change. This is the reason they do not change over time, as they grow older, they only become worse.
It is only through Christ that they can change, but even then, it is only through deep crisis that they would ever be broken enough to see their need for Christ, they already see themselves in god like status, why would they ever need to submit to an unseen God when they are their own god.
Proverbs 3:6-8 "…6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8 It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.…"
Proverbs 15:21-23 "…21 Folly is joy to him who lacks sense, But a man of understanding walks straight. 22 Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed. 23 A man has joy in an apt answer, And how delightful is a timely word!…"
Those who listen to wise counsel will see progress in their walk. Those who think they are above counsel, attempting to make themselves superior to everyone else, will see prosperity for a time, but overall will lose in the long run.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Sunday, April 17, 2016
I Don't Keep The Commandments
I don't keep the ten commandments, I walk with Christ. I can't do anything else except love His principles and His laws. It isn't a matter of trying real hard to keep them, they are simply a part of me.
Do I have to tell myself to eat food, no that comes naturally without too much thinking, it is natural and normal. That's how it is for the believer, they don't have to think about not stealing, they just hate the act of stealing, don't want any part of it. It comes naturally for the believer to not steal. In fact if they accidently picked up something in a store, forgot they had it and walked out, they panic to get back to the store and return it. The idea of taking things that don't belong to them, no matter how small is unthinkable.
When we have trusted Christ He places His commandments in our heart, we love them. However they are irritating to those who are unsaved who come in contact with a believer.
Do I have to tell myself to eat food, no that comes naturally without too much thinking, it is natural and normal. That's how it is for the believer, they don't have to think about not stealing, they just hate the act of stealing, don't want any part of it. It comes naturally for the believer to not steal. In fact if they accidently picked up something in a store, forgot they had it and walked out, they panic to get back to the store and return it. The idea of taking things that don't belong to them, no matter how small is unthinkable.
When we have trusted Christ He places His commandments in our heart, we love them. However they are irritating to those who are unsaved who come in contact with a believer.
The Spirit within us is aggravating to the spirit within an unsaved person. They think they don't like us, so they conjure up reasons we must be doing something bad or wrong. They think we are causing them to dislike us, but in reality it is Christ Whom they are drastically uncomfortable with.
I have been accused of being a "goody two shoes", not sure what that means, but it was used many years ago to describe someone who didn't break the rules, who enjoyed obeying authority. When there is a slight of disobedience, there is deep conviction, no matter how small the infraction is, because of that intense sense of displeasing God.
Before I was born again I obeyed authority to keep out of trouble. After becoming born again I wasn't concerned about keeping out of trouble, but rather that God would be unhappy with me.
I liken it to the way a dog reacts to his master. If the master shows any anger at the dog the dog cowers in sadness, licks the masters hand and rolls over on his back as a sign of submission to gain back the approval of the master.
Believers are like that dog, they just hate displeasing God, it also transfers to our attitude toward others. We hate to be mean, it displeases God to be unkind and we can't stand to hurt anyone even the animals. Empathy is a huge part of the existence of a believer.
I have been accused of being a "goody two shoes", not sure what that means, but it was used many years ago to describe someone who didn't break the rules, who enjoyed obeying authority. When there is a slight of disobedience, there is deep conviction, no matter how small the infraction is, because of that intense sense of displeasing God.
Before I was born again I obeyed authority to keep out of trouble. After becoming born again I wasn't concerned about keeping out of trouble, but rather that God would be unhappy with me.
I liken it to the way a dog reacts to his master. If the master shows any anger at the dog the dog cowers in sadness, licks the masters hand and rolls over on his back as a sign of submission to gain back the approval of the master.
Believers are like that dog, they just hate displeasing God, it also transfers to our attitude toward others. We hate to be mean, it displeases God to be unkind and we can't stand to hurt anyone even the animals. Empathy is a huge part of the existence of a believer.
When there is no empathy, little kindness and much covert meanness, I have to wonder if the person who does this is even saved.
God works His principles into our hearts, even before we know all the principles we are compelled to follow them. God also places a yearning in the hearts of those who have become born again, a yearning for His Word.
1 John 3:13-15 "…13 Do not be surprised, brethren, if the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.…"
God works His principles into our hearts, even before we know all the principles we are compelled to follow them. God also places a yearning in the hearts of those who have become born again, a yearning for His Word.
1 John 3:13-15 "…13 Do not be surprised, brethren, if the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.…"
We Got What We Wanted, Now Live With It
The blessings are off this country and have been for some time. We have not felt the full impact of the loss of blessing but it has been here nonetheless.
Our families are destroyed, our babies murdered, homosexuality embraced and promoted, every form of deviant behavior is being legalized along with drugs. What part of this is a blessing.
When God takes off His blessing all He has to do is give us our head, allow us to run amuck in our sin and that alone will destroy us.
Then there is the added curse of foreigners taking over our government, bringing carnage we have not yet seen in this country. Even our president is a foreigner of sorts who has throw God out to replace Him with the false god of Islam.
So "how is all that freedom to do what ever you want, when you want it, the way you want it" working out for you?
Our families are destroyed, our babies murdered, homosexuality embraced and promoted, every form of deviant behavior is being legalized along with drugs. What part of this is a blessing.
When God takes off His blessing all He has to do is give us our head, allow us to run amuck in our sin and that alone will destroy us.
Then there is the added curse of foreigners taking over our government, bringing carnage we have not yet seen in this country. Even our president is a foreigner of sorts who has throw God out to replace Him with the false god of Islam.
So "how is all that freedom to do what ever you want, when you want it, the way you want it" working out for you?
Trusting Christ in a Disaster
With all the earthquake activity around the world right now and the 9 pointer that is expected in our region soon, there should be concern from those who are not born again.
To those who do not know Christ as their Savior, I ask this; "do you know where you will go if you died in that earthquake?"
The possibility of thousands of deaths due to natural disasters is quite real now as we pass through the time in history when God is unleashing on the earth deadlier than usual weather and quakes.
For believers I want to remind you that we are sealed with the Holy Spirit of God, when disaster comes, even if we are without human companionship we are never alone.
Christ said He would never leave us or forsake us and that He would always provide. Granted, we will not be living as we did before, but more simply without creature comforts and pleasure toys.
When we realize that our goal is not to have all we desire on this earth, or to engage in every form of personal delight, we can rest in and enjoy God's protection no matter what comes.
The believers who survive any disaster will have the answers for those who do not yet know Christ. We can bring hope to the hopeless and comfort to the devastated.
Perhaps our mission as believers has not yet arrived. It is the believers who will bring stability in a world full of chaos and uncertainty.
Above all, we must remember that God has a purpose for us in all things, when we keep our eyes focused on Him, we will get through anything or we will die and float away to heaven. Either way, we can trust in Christ no matter what comes.
Proverbs 3:5 "…4 So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.…"
If we do this, we can ask God in the middle of a disaster which way to go, how to accomplish necessary work and He WILL answer our call for help, we can count on it.
To those who do not know Christ as their Savior, I ask this; "do you know where you will go if you died in that earthquake?"
The possibility of thousands of deaths due to natural disasters is quite real now as we pass through the time in history when God is unleashing on the earth deadlier than usual weather and quakes.
For believers I want to remind you that we are sealed with the Holy Spirit of God, when disaster comes, even if we are without human companionship we are never alone.
Christ said He would never leave us or forsake us and that He would always provide. Granted, we will not be living as we did before, but more simply without creature comforts and pleasure toys.
When we realize that our goal is not to have all we desire on this earth, or to engage in every form of personal delight, we can rest in and enjoy God's protection no matter what comes.
The believers who survive any disaster will have the answers for those who do not yet know Christ. We can bring hope to the hopeless and comfort to the devastated.
Perhaps our mission as believers has not yet arrived. It is the believers who will bring stability in a world full of chaos and uncertainty.
Above all, we must remember that God has a purpose for us in all things, when we keep our eyes focused on Him, we will get through anything or we will die and float away to heaven. Either way, we can trust in Christ no matter what comes.
Proverbs 3:5 "…4 So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.…"
If we do this, we can ask God in the middle of a disaster which way to go, how to accomplish necessary work and He WILL answer our call for help, we can count on it.
They Won't Listen and They Will Mock
Personally I used to feel devastated by the way people were acting, I spent many long hours trying to figure out, while I was doing my normal routine, what could "I" do about this or that, how could I get people to listen to me. Guess what.....they never listened.
When I was the only one in my circle of friends, family and church who was saying "self esteem" teaching was evil and contrary to God's Word, they were all treating me like I had two heads.
Now even the secular psychologists are seeing the dramatic increase in narcissism, some attributing it to the self esteem teaching, praising children for every little thing while building up their pride. Sadly the church will not let go of the teaching even though some seculars are letting go of it.
The way that I have handled it has been to pray continually, learn as much about the nature of these end times and realize it is not the end of anything, but the beginning of birth pangs for leaving this world.
Now I am able to see the humor in some of the foolishness, while praying often for the persecuted believers. I still get aggravated but never devastated any more.
I have even been able to put behind me relationships that are not God honoring, continual drama and self promotion was something I encountered regularly, even those who loved to feel spiritually superior walked about with a swagger in the step and a haughty look on their face.
The day the Lord opened my eyes to what was happening was the day of total freedom from all this mess, now I watch but I do not engage, now I observe but it does not become a part of who I am.
I see life now as though I am watching a movie, it isn't about me at all, but about the end times scenario, the culmination of evil doing it's thing right before Christ comes. I feel empathy for those who are victims, but I also know if they turn to Christ, He will show them the way and He will strengthen them as He has strengthened me.
Isaiah 41:9-11 "…9 You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, And called from its remotest parts And said to you, 'You are My servant, I have chosen you and not rejected you. 10 'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' 11 "Behold, all those who are angered at you will be shamed and dishonored; Those who contend with you will be as nothing and will perish.…"
When I was the only one in my circle of friends, family and church who was saying "self esteem" teaching was evil and contrary to God's Word, they were all treating me like I had two heads.
Now even the secular psychologists are seeing the dramatic increase in narcissism, some attributing it to the self esteem teaching, praising children for every little thing while building up their pride. Sadly the church will not let go of the teaching even though some seculars are letting go of it.
The way that I have handled it has been to pray continually, learn as much about the nature of these end times and realize it is not the end of anything, but the beginning of birth pangs for leaving this world.
Now I am able to see the humor in some of the foolishness, while praying often for the persecuted believers. I still get aggravated but never devastated any more.
I have even been able to put behind me relationships that are not God honoring, continual drama and self promotion was something I encountered regularly, even those who loved to feel spiritually superior walked about with a swagger in the step and a haughty look on their face.
The day the Lord opened my eyes to what was happening was the day of total freedom from all this mess, now I watch but I do not engage, now I observe but it does not become a part of who I am.
I see life now as though I am watching a movie, it isn't about me at all, but about the end times scenario, the culmination of evil doing it's thing right before Christ comes. I feel empathy for those who are victims, but I also know if they turn to Christ, He will show them the way and He will strengthen them as He has strengthened me.
Isaiah 41:9-11 "…9 You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, And called from its remotest parts And said to you, 'You are My servant, I have chosen you and not rejected you. 10 'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' 11 "Behold, all those who are angered at you will be shamed and dishonored; Those who contend with you will be as nothing and will perish.…"
Remain Faithful To God's Ways
As I was pondering this morning the different levels of the 2 Timothy 3 personality, I was reminded of an incident many years ago that was a perfect example of the covert tactics of a self absorbed individual. Someone who can make trouble when there is no trouble, merely to manipulate someone to feeling bad about doing good. Here is my story.
I was visiting with a family member, a woman whom I appreciated and even elevated at some point in my life, until many years later I realized what she was, then sadness overtook me when I discovered her covert tactics that had undermined a number of other relationships, while causing self doubt.
While sitting at this woman's table, she offered me a piece of pie. I was looking forward to the pie, told her how good it looked and accepted her offer of a piece of it.
As she was cutting the pie I noticed that she was cutting a very large piece, almost a quarter of the pie. I politely asked her if I could have half of the piece she was cutting, since I couldn't eat that much.
She looked at me with anger on her face, grunted a sigh of contempt as though I had done something wrong or terrible, after which she handed me the pie abruptly showing that she did not approve of my request for a smaller piece. I complimented her on how good the pie was and how much I enjoyed it.
Had this been the only time I experienced this I would have thought that she was having a difficult day and that the show of contempt had nothing to do with the pie but something else she was feeling.
However, I had already experienced many insignificant occurrences of this sort of contempt with her, I began to wonder what I was doing wrong. A sort of feeling of "death by a thousand cuts" enveloped me, causing me to analyze what was going on, throwing me into research on the subject of manipulation.
Years later after some important research of the attitude of manipulators, I realized that the pie incident and many others like it, was not a reflection of me as a person or of anything I had done wrong, but more about the controlling attitude of the person serving the pie.
Realizing that attempting to cause guilt over small matters was a ploy to demean into submission the one who did not bow to the whim of the narcissist.
Then came these thoughts that brought much insight into the mentality involved and what to do about it.
The woman who baked the pie was not interested in giving me a piece of pie that she thought I would enjoy. Her aim was to elevate herself through praise and adulation someone was expected to give over a very large piece.
Asking for a smaller piece left me in control of my own choices, while in her mind she was diminished by the request for a smaller one. Notice that I had praised her already for the good looking pie, that I was looking forward to a piece to enjoy, but in her mind it was not enough, I had to enjoy it her way, further praising her for the size of the piece.
The woman with the pie was acting irritated at me, even avoiding me the rest of the day, causing others in her presence to believe I must have done something wrong to hurt her. This became a regular tactic with her, the small things were often blown out of proportion to demean me.
The sad thing about covert manipulators is that they feign victim in the presence of others who believe the narcissist without really knowing what happened. These people are called flying monkeys. They are not concerned about the justice or truth of a matter, only that they take the side of the one who is angry to remain in the good graces of the manipulator.
When these events happen once or twice in a lifetime, we can dismiss them as someone in a bad mood that they will get over. However when these things happen over and over again on a regular basis, we can surmise that manipulation is happening, possibly over jealousy or guilt that the narcissist has in their own heart.
One of the main tactics of a narcissist is to ruin the targets reputation in the eyes of their flying monkeys while isolating the victim from others, through the lies and deceit.
The problem is that if we were to tell others about the pie incident and all the other covert things, it would make us look crazy and petty, they would then begin to avoid us while remaining friends with the manipulator.
It is not only not pleasant being around these people, it takes the grace of God not to react in kind. It has been my experience that any attempt to talk to narcissists about their actions, only leads to more and greater abuse.
I am thankful that God showed me that I never reacted in kind to those who have abused me, I am free of guilt over wrong doing. One of the things God made clear is that I cannot change another person, I can only pay attention to my own responses to injustice.
Proverbs 26:4-5
"4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
Or you will also be like him.
5 Answer a fool as his folly deserves,
That he not be wise in his own eyes."
Luke 6:27-29
"27 "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 "Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either.…"
Proverbs 4:14 "…13 Take hold of instruction; do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life. 14 Do not enter the path of the wicked And do not proceed in the way of evil men. 15 Avoid it, do not pass by it; Turn away from it and pass on.…"
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Romans 12:18-20 "…18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord. 20 "BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD."…"
Proverbs 12:16-17 "16 A fool's anger is known at once, But a prudent man conceals dishonor. 17 He who speaks truth tells what is right, But a false witness, deceit.…"
In these verses and many others we see that our response to injustice and rudeness is to never seek revenge, always treat with kindness those who treat us badly, do not argue or fight with abusers, they will only abuse more and blame you for it and if God leads, remove ourselves from unruly, devious and covert abusers.
Most of all stay innocent in our responses while praying for the abuser. No matter how much we are harmed, the most freeing is the ability to look at our own actions and see that we obeyed God in responding or not responding His way. We must seek God for each individual circumstance, each one may have a different path that God wants us to obey.
Lastly, never look at the responses of others, the abuser or the flying monkeys as a measure of our righteousness. The devil would have us believe we are evil when we have obeyed God, these narcs and their flying monkeys are being used by the devil to cause doubt about ourselves and what God told us to do and be.
Ephesians 4:26-27 "…26 BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil an opportunity."
James 4:7 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
Walk in the freedom of Christ to be and do His will, no matter who comes against you for it. The devil is ramping up his efforts to destroy believers in these end times. This is the reason I write so much about this phenomena of narcissism, it has increased, it is devised by the devil and has the ability to undermine a believers faith if they do not understand what is happening to them.
Go with God, don't allow the narcissists and their flying monkeys to determine our walk with Christ through their manipulative tactics. And, remember they are nothing more than pawns in the hands of the wicked one, the devil.
I was visiting with a family member, a woman whom I appreciated and even elevated at some point in my life, until many years later I realized what she was, then sadness overtook me when I discovered her covert tactics that had undermined a number of other relationships, while causing self doubt.
While sitting at this woman's table, she offered me a piece of pie. I was looking forward to the pie, told her how good it looked and accepted her offer of a piece of it.
As she was cutting the pie I noticed that she was cutting a very large piece, almost a quarter of the pie. I politely asked her if I could have half of the piece she was cutting, since I couldn't eat that much.
She looked at me with anger on her face, grunted a sigh of contempt as though I had done something wrong or terrible, after which she handed me the pie abruptly showing that she did not approve of my request for a smaller piece. I complimented her on how good the pie was and how much I enjoyed it.
Had this been the only time I experienced this I would have thought that she was having a difficult day and that the show of contempt had nothing to do with the pie but something else she was feeling.
However, I had already experienced many insignificant occurrences of this sort of contempt with her, I began to wonder what I was doing wrong. A sort of feeling of "death by a thousand cuts" enveloped me, causing me to analyze what was going on, throwing me into research on the subject of manipulation.
Years later after some important research of the attitude of manipulators, I realized that the pie incident and many others like it, was not a reflection of me as a person or of anything I had done wrong, but more about the controlling attitude of the person serving the pie.
Realizing that attempting to cause guilt over small matters was a ploy to demean into submission the one who did not bow to the whim of the narcissist.
Then came these thoughts that brought much insight into the mentality involved and what to do about it.
The woman who baked the pie was not interested in giving me a piece of pie that she thought I would enjoy. Her aim was to elevate herself through praise and adulation someone was expected to give over a very large piece.
Asking for a smaller piece left me in control of my own choices, while in her mind she was diminished by the request for a smaller one. Notice that I had praised her already for the good looking pie, that I was looking forward to a piece to enjoy, but in her mind it was not enough, I had to enjoy it her way, further praising her for the size of the piece.
The woman with the pie was acting irritated at me, even avoiding me the rest of the day, causing others in her presence to believe I must have done something wrong to hurt her. This became a regular tactic with her, the small things were often blown out of proportion to demean me.
The sad thing about covert manipulators is that they feign victim in the presence of others who believe the narcissist without really knowing what happened. These people are called flying monkeys. They are not concerned about the justice or truth of a matter, only that they take the side of the one who is angry to remain in the good graces of the manipulator.
When these events happen once or twice in a lifetime, we can dismiss them as someone in a bad mood that they will get over. However when these things happen over and over again on a regular basis, we can surmise that manipulation is happening, possibly over jealousy or guilt that the narcissist has in their own heart.
One of the main tactics of a narcissist is to ruin the targets reputation in the eyes of their flying monkeys while isolating the victim from others, through the lies and deceit.
The problem is that if we were to tell others about the pie incident and all the other covert things, it would make us look crazy and petty, they would then begin to avoid us while remaining friends with the manipulator.
It is not only not pleasant being around these people, it takes the grace of God not to react in kind. It has been my experience that any attempt to talk to narcissists about their actions, only leads to more and greater abuse.
I am thankful that God showed me that I never reacted in kind to those who have abused me, I am free of guilt over wrong doing. One of the things God made clear is that I cannot change another person, I can only pay attention to my own responses to injustice.
Proverbs 26:4-5
"4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
Or you will also be like him.
5 Answer a fool as his folly deserves,
That he not be wise in his own eyes."
Luke 6:27-29
"27 "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 "Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either.…"
Proverbs 4:14 "…13 Take hold of instruction; do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life. 14 Do not enter the path of the wicked And do not proceed in the way of evil men. 15 Avoid it, do not pass by it; Turn away from it and pass on.…"
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Romans 12:18-20 "…18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord. 20 "BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD."…"
Proverbs 12:16-17 "16 A fool's anger is known at once, But a prudent man conceals dishonor. 17 He who speaks truth tells what is right, But a false witness, deceit.…"
In these verses and many others we see that our response to injustice and rudeness is to never seek revenge, always treat with kindness those who treat us badly, do not argue or fight with abusers, they will only abuse more and blame you for it and if God leads, remove ourselves from unruly, devious and covert abusers.
Most of all stay innocent in our responses while praying for the abuser. No matter how much we are harmed, the most freeing is the ability to look at our own actions and see that we obeyed God in responding or not responding His way. We must seek God for each individual circumstance, each one may have a different path that God wants us to obey.
Lastly, never look at the responses of others, the abuser or the flying monkeys as a measure of our righteousness. The devil would have us believe we are evil when we have obeyed God, these narcs and their flying monkeys are being used by the devil to cause doubt about ourselves and what God told us to do and be.
Ephesians 4:26-27 "…26 BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil an opportunity."
James 4:7 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
Walk in the freedom of Christ to be and do His will, no matter who comes against you for it. The devil is ramping up his efforts to destroy believers in these end times. This is the reason I write so much about this phenomena of narcissism, it has increased, it is devised by the devil and has the ability to undermine a believers faith if they do not understand what is happening to them.
Go with God, don't allow the narcissists and their flying monkeys to determine our walk with Christ through their manipulative tactics. And, remember they are nothing more than pawns in the hands of the wicked one, the devil.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Enjoy the Lessons They Strengthen You
If everyone loved you, how would you ever learn to act Biblically toward those who treat you badly? If you were never ill, how would you learn to be joyful and focused on God during illness?
Believers are in boot camp, we must encounter everything there is to encounter to be able to learn how to act godly through all things while trusting Christ more. The more we trust Christ the less adversity affects us.
The more we focus on Christ the more we can love even when we are not loved back. When we realize that devils are the foundational problem for all the ills of the world, the less we take rejection personally.
God said to count it all joy when we encounter various trials. The more things we experience in life the greater our wisdom grows, as long as we are seeking to learn the lessons God has for us.
James 1:2-8 "2 Count it all joy, my brothers,when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."
It is a promise that when we seek God in all matters of life, we will grow in wisdom. Those who think they know it all already, refusing to seek Christ, will remain spiritual babies, tossed too and fro without answers.
I praise God for every single thing I have encountered in my life. Much of it was not pleasant at the time I went through it, but I look back with great joy at the lessons I learned and the strength God brought me.
Believers are in boot camp, we must encounter everything there is to encounter to be able to learn how to act godly through all things while trusting Christ more. The more we trust Christ the less adversity affects us.
The more we focus on Christ the more we can love even when we are not loved back. When we realize that devils are the foundational problem for all the ills of the world, the less we take rejection personally.
God said to count it all joy when we encounter various trials. The more things we experience in life the greater our wisdom grows, as long as we are seeking to learn the lessons God has for us.
James 1:2-8 "2 Count it all joy, my brothers,when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."
It is a promise that when we seek God in all matters of life, we will grow in wisdom. Those who think they know it all already, refusing to seek Christ, will remain spiritual babies, tossed too and fro without answers.
I praise God for every single thing I have encountered in my life. Much of it was not pleasant at the time I went through it, but I look back with great joy at the lessons I learned and the strength God brought me.
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