Christ is Their Only Hope

We see the narcissistic behavioral mentality in the politicals that run for office these days. "Political Correctness" is the form that narcissists take in their attempt to control the culture. They will mock, demean and harm any way they can, those who do not think as they do. They don't merely bring facts to convince, they work to intimidate and manipulate, forcing others to fear their wrath.

We saw this when a bakery business was targeted for not baking a cake for a homosexual couple. Even though they were merely standing for their own personal convictions, doing no harm to the customers. They were raged at so effectively that they were forced out of business.

The new pressure that has been placed on North Carolina for not allowing transvestites to use women's bathrooms, is another form of narcissistic abuse.

We see this in families when grandparents are not allowed to see their grandchildren over silly and petty disagreements. When adult children withhold love and companionship to cause grief in their parents. Or mock, demean and attempt to control them, showing their contempt for them through devaluing their wisdom.

Narcissists will attempt to make laws such as "hate speech" legislation that punishes those who speak against their mandated ideas. We are not even allowed to say what we believe without being punished for it, this same mentality is pervasive now in our culture in every aspect of life. In politics, in families, in school and even in church. The leaders of these entities have made themselves gods to be worshiped and there is a price to be paid for anyone who does not bow to their authority. Anyone who places God above everyone else, will be made to feel wrong or bad in the attempt to obey God first.

Bakers cannot express their opinion in their own business, women cannot express theirs in the use of their public bathrooms, homosexuals will punish demean and mock anyone who will not praise them for their lifestyle. Parents are not allowed to express their own opinions without retaliation from adult children.

Even if we live our own life, leave them alone and merely express verbally or the written word our own views, we are treated with contempt as though we have no right to our beliefs.

We are expected to be carbon copies of the narcissist, they require unquestioning admiration to them without any form of correction or instruction allowed. Seems a little like worshiping a false god doesn't it. Only these false gods are not dead idols, they are living, breathing human beings who have an ability to make life miserable for anyone who dares to think with their own mind and act as they see fit.

Narcissists characteristics:

They demean those they cannot control, loss of control over someone else makes them angry. Their response to this will cause greater attempts to bring down the one they despise. Even lying against them in an effort to turn others to their side, when they cannot control them, they get others to help in the task.

They criticize anyone who thinks for themselves, they cannot stand that someone else might know more than they do or believe differently, they must feel superior. Their targets are always wrong in their eyes, they can do nothing right without the narcissists input.

They have no sense of respect for the boundaries of others, they make the rules for others, even if they don't live with them, if their standards or rules are not followed, they begin their tactics of demeaning, mocking and isolating.

They judge others over insignificant matters, twisting things to make the target look bad when they did good. There is an anxiety in the narc when others do well, it makes them feel less. Most of us are happy for others when they do well, not the narcissist, it is a source of agitation for someone to be happy, healthy and confident.

Their anger is not based on truth, but on their twisted perceptions.

They don't like to be polite, it places them in a subordinate position. When we defer to others we are submitting to them, narcissists hate this. It is why I don't believe they are born again. How can someone submit to someone they cannot see(God), when they cannot submit to someone they can see in obedience to God.

Ephesians 5:21 "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Narcissists must feel superior to others, they are a legend in their own mind, everyone must fawn over them for them to feel significant. It is never enough for the narcissist to be satisfied with their own accomplishments, they must be elevated, validated and rewarded by others. Anyone who does not do this, will be treated with contempt.

Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;"

They hold petty grudges when they don't get their own way, much like a spoiled child having a tantrum. They will retaliate in vengeful ways in an attempt to get or keep a target in a one down position. They are never happier than when they can make someone who is confident and happy, miserable.

Romans 12:10 "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."

Thankfully we can learn the skills to keep ourselves healthy in spite of the antics of the narcissist. The "experts" in our culture are beginning to admit that this nasty phenomena of total self love, is growing leaps and bounds as the next generation has been raised to fight for their rights, love themselves above all others and reject all forms of authority.

Appearances are very important to the narcissist. They must appear more beautiful and more physically fit than others. They are often absorbed in their appearance, the cloths they wear must be in style, their bodies must be skinny and in shape, their need to have the best of everything, in homes and food are all a part of the persona of their absolute perfection. And, they cannot associate with anyone who does not hold to their standard of perfection in their own lives. They only have superficially beautiful people around them, others are not welcome.

John 7:24 "24 Stop judging by outward appearances, and start judging justly.”

Ephesians 3:16 "16 I pray that out of the riches of His glory, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being,"

Matthew 23:27-28
"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. "So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

You might ask why I spend so much time on this subject? The answer is this, since this mess mentioned in 2 Timothy 3 is growing exponentially, we are going to have to recognize it and gain the skills necessary to handle it.

Narcissists are very hard to reach for Christ because they are too busy worshiping self, however, God can reach some of them through difficulties that He brings that will remove their pride and arrogance. God will never override their free will, He will however bring circumstances to bear on them that make them see the depravity of their own souls. The solution for them is to take away their confidence in self, realizing their need to be cleansed by Christ is the ONLY solution.

Just as many people hear the gospel and reject it, so will the narcissists. There are though, some of them that will hear and respond, those are the ones for which we pray and to whom we speak.

Honor God and Others

"A little boy was commanded to sit down by his father, the little boy with boldness and contempt in his voice stated clearly, 'I am sitting down on the outside but standing up on the inside.'"

How many people do what they think is expected of them to get along in the culture, while holding contempt for others. Love expects nothing in return as well as a desire to please the one to which we give.

Luke 6:34-36 "…34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them, expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.…"

I suspect many people are giving gifts out of obligation or expecting a return of something they want. The reason for this suspicion is that our culture is becoming more and more lawless as more laws are removed and permissiveness is elevated to a "I have rights" status we are seeing the rebellion that was once only in the heart emerging into actions.

I probably couldn't count the number of times I have encountered people who expressed dismay at having to get a Christmas present for someone because they drew their name in a hat at an office or family party. They really didn't want to have to give to that person, but did it to please onlookers.

I really hate obligatory gifts and so does God. When we give, it ought to be because we feel a love and kinship to someone, not to be able to say to someone else, "I gave them a gift", for purposes of appearances.

I once received a gift from a woman who was aggravated at me for the way I used that gift. I would have rather not received it at all than to have the burden of how they were going to treat me because I didn't use it the way they wanted me to. There were many instances in my life like this, having come from a narcissistic family environment, extended family as well as close family. Let me tell you the story.

An older woman gave me a picture of a vase of flowers, it was a print in a metal frame, that one would purchase at Walmart. I have no problem shopping at Walmart myself, although it was alright, it didn't fit with my colors or the room decor in general.

The woman asked me to take down an expensive grouping of our family portraits from above the couch that were taken at a photo studio. The pictures were arranged over our prominent couch in our living room. I bought the couch to coordinate with the photo array. Her request to remove my expensive photos, that were the centerpiece of the entire room, was shocking to me.

The woman lived in a beautiful home with expensive drapes, real oil paintings and everything in the house was high quality, she would not have put in her house the poster she bought for me.

I was not upset about the poster and it's metal frame, it just didn't fit in my living room with a completely different color scheme and quality of items. Since the poster was kind of large it had to have a large wall, so I chose to put it in the long hall way off of the living room, anyone going to and from the bathrooms or bedrooms would see it.

Later I heard the woman complaining to her husband that I had not placed it where she told me to, sounding as though I had done something wrong or evil.

These sort of encounters are really set ups. When someone knows you went to some effort and expense to make a room the way you like it, then come into your home suggesting to do something different, not even the way they would do it in their own home, I have to believe they wanted to ruin what you have done, otherwise they would never have suggested to undo your decorating to follow their desires.

There are so many things to think about here. Why give a poster and tell the receiver where to put it while choosing the most expensive family portraits to eliminate in favor of the poster?

One thought might be that the giver was setting up the receiver to have to say no to the poster placement, in order to be able to tell others, "she didn't like my gift", which was not true at all. I used it, I just didn't put it where she wanted it.

It has never crossed my mind where someone places a gift I give to them. Once it has been given it no longer exists in my mind, it is theirs now to do with as they please, most of the time I don't even remember what I gave.

The same woman that gave me the poster, had at times returned gifts I had given her because they weren't exactly what she wanted. I felt good with that, why would I care that she traded it for something she liked, after all, isn't that the point of gift giving, that is to please the one receiving it.

Gifts are far too often used as manipulations to create an obligation or a source of pride in oneself to feel that the duty was done or to impress others that they might be praised. Gifts often are also used to create unnecessary drama. We want to please others, however when unreasonable requests are placed on us, we are not obligated to obey them, we can graciously decline to do things the way others want, while thanking them for their gift.

Manipulators will take advantage of those who they know have a sensitive heart. It is good to know, that although we show hospitality and kindness, we are not under responsibility to do everything someone else wants us to do.

A kind and loving person seeks to enhance our lives the way we choose, when it has nothing to do with sin.

Philippians 2:3-4 "3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.…"

Don't we do this with God? We do things for Him that He never asked us to do, that do not please Him, thinking we have done a great thing. We do things our own way, ignoring how God told us to do them, believing we are very special for it, even angry with God that He didn't bless it as we expected, perhaps it doesn't work out the way we told God it must.

Isaiah 55:9 "…8 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. 9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Hosea 10:13-14 "13 You have plowed wickedness, you have reaped injustice, You have eaten the fruit of lies. Because you have trusted in your way, in your numerous warriors, 14 Therefore a tumult will arise among your people, And all your fortresses will be destroyed, As Shalman destroyed Beth-arbel on the day of battle, When mothers were dashed in pieces with their children.…"

Isaiah 30:1-3 "1 "Woe to the rebellious children," declares the LORD, "Who execute a plan, but not Mine, And make an alliance, but not of My Spirit, In order to add sin to sin; 2 Who proceed down to Egypt Without consulting Me, To take refuge in the safety of Pharaoh And to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt! 3 "Therefore the safety of Pharaoh will be your shame And the shelter in the shadow of Egypt, your humiliation.…"

When we focus on Christ first, it will be continually in our mind what pleases Him and then what is a blessing to others. Does this sort of sounds familiar to those who knows the Word of God?

Matthew 22:36-40
36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the great and foremost commandment. 39 The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”

We Enjoy His Promises!

2 Peter 1:2-4 "2 Grace and peace be multiplied to you through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. 3 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.
4 Through these He has given us His precious and magnificent promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, now that you have escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.…"

The Godly Work to Resolve, the Narcissist Works to Demean

"Where you seek compromise, the Narcissist will see total victory. Where you seek understanding, the Narcissist seeks domination."
Kimberly Harding

When you find yourself in a relationship with a crazy making narcissist, desiring to talk out a problem to understand, change or fix something, the narcissist will refuse to discuss anything.

The reason we are met with resistance to discussion to resolve a matter, is basic to the narcissistic experience, they simply cannot discuss a matter calmly and rationally because their goal is always to win. If that means to manipulate, intimidate and lie to gain their end goal, they will do it.

When we love with a Christ-like love we rush to understand and resolve difficulties. We desire to talk things out, our goal is never to win, but to fix a problem.

The only reason a problem cannot be fixed is because someone is guilty and will not confess or admit it. If they admit their guilt they are then in a one down position in their own minds it is positively unthinkable for the full blown narcissist.

There are those too, who will not discuss a problem because they love their prejudice against their target, they enjoy hating the one whom they choose to misunderstand. This is positively demonic, engineered by the devil and carried out in the minds of those who have no defenses against him and his minions.

When we love God's way, we love to resolve things, we love to reconcile and we love to understand to grow in knowledge and wisdom.

Those who love only themselves, have only one thing in mind and that is to be perceived as perfect and right in everything. They do not grow, change or resolve problems, they merely move on from those they cannot control or who do not elevate them in a special way.

2 Peter 3:17-18 "…17 Therefore, beloved, since you already know these things, be on your guard not to be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure standing. 18 But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen."

2 Timothy 4:18
"And the Lord will rescue me from every evil action and bring me safely into His heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen."

2 Peter 1:2
"Grace and peace be multiplied to you through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord."

2 Peter 1:3
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence."

2 Peter 1:8
"For if you possess these qualities and continue to grow in them, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

We cannot always resolve things with those who refuse to discuss, but we can be a reasonable person ourselves with others who love as we love while never returning evil for evil no matter how intense or covert the tactics of the narcissist is. We can pray that we go on to operate under the power of the Holy Spirit, as we pray that others will do the same.

Jealousy and Back Biting is Demonic

Do we understand that jealousy, envy and back biting is demonic, not to mention irrational?

James 3:16
"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice."

James 4:2-3
"You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions."

James 3:14
"But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth."

Proverbs 14:30
"A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot."

Proverbs 27:4
"Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?"

James 3:14-15
"But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic."

He Was Beheaded For Christ

Yes, he lost his head because he told Herod and Herodius they were in an adulterous and unlawful marriage. There are many people who claim to be Christian today who hate those of us who repeat God's Principles for marriage as though it was our own idea instead of commands of Christ.

There are those who hate us just this much, but cannot get away with beheading us so they use covert means of manipulation and intimidation in an attempt to force us to say and do the things they say and do.

Even those who don't do these things approve of those who do, continuing the emotional abuse to keep from feeling convicted over their sinfulness. Little do they realize that one day those who defy God's commands and those who approve of them will answer to God for their rebellion.

Romans 1:31-32 "…31 They are senseless, faithless, heartless, merciless. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things are worthy of death, they not only continue to do these things, but also approve of those who practice them."

Being accepted by the culture carries more weight with modern day Christians than God's commands!

Mark 7:13 "13 Thus you nullify the word of God by the tradition you have handed down. And you do so” in many such matters."

A United Front in Marriage

Excellent comments regarding marriage in a family.

Gary Gavriel Dawson says:

"Yes! She is the other half of any man. That is what the Jews believe. They are supposed to be opposites. Man is hard, woman is soft. Man is thinking; woman is feeling. You understand?

Regarding speaking doctrine to a man, it is how they talk to each other that is the key. They should speak privately to one another. Not have public battles where one belittles the other. The bible says they are ECHAD BASAR - ONE FLESH. They should present a united front to the world, and especially to their children."