Youthful Marriages

I am weary of hearing; "we divorced because we were so young when we married."

Youth is not a bad thing in a marriage. I was sixteen when I became engaged to my husband and 18 when we married. Next month we are celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. "I was young when I married" is just an excuse as though that is relevant. My husband and I grew up together, we matured as we worked through problems. One does not mature first and then marry, one matures because of marriage. Those who do not mature are those who are self-focused and bail out before there can be a breakthrough in healing. Often delaying marriage and children causes a sort of stunted growth.

We did not stay together because things were always wonderful and perfect, that kind of marriage is a fantasy.

We stayed together because we were committed to marriage, even when there might have been temptations to end the marriage through difficulty we could not bring ourselves to separate because of our love for one another and above all because we knew it was against God's commands.

Even before we were born again there was a sense of failure and displeasing God if we became divorced. Many years ago divorce was a scandal even among unbelievers. Most people did not divorce two generations ago. Our aunts and uncles on both sides remained married their entire lives and they were not born again. There was a cultural stigma attached to a failed marriage even if those staying together didn't know that the command to remain married came from God.

Now we have "Christians" fighting and devouring one another to defend divorce as though it were acceptable to God. This is the result of the self-esteem teaching that promotes self-focus.

Malachi 2:16

16 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence,” says the Lord of armies. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

What part of "I hate divorce" says God, do we not understand?

The children in the 70's generation were raised by the culture that taught one only has to do what one wants to do. Anyone who taught self-sacrifice for the greater good was mocked and rejected as pariahs to be shunned and avoided.

The idea that one should stay together in a marriage is seen as ridiculous to many who are used to and indoctrinated by the idea that no one should have to endure anything they don't wish to endure.

1 Corinthians 2:13-15 "…13 And this is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom, but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. 14 The natural man does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God. For they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15 The spiritual man judges all things, but he himself is not subject to anyone’s judgment.…"

Our world is deteriorating in every area and aspect because the Bible is not the standard for truth for most families.

This cannot be fixed, but we can encourage one another to remain steadfast in our resolve to make the Bible our standard even if no one else does.

We can live in obedience to God and His principles even when we are mocked for doing so or rejected entirely by family and community. We can even do this with great joy in our hearts.

Matthew 5:11-13

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in this same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Disciples and the World

13 “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by people."

As long as we understand that our rejection is no fault of our own but the fault of those who refuse to obey the Bible, we can live in total peace that we are pleasing God. Let's never forget that if someone mocks or demeans us for our stand for Christ that is entirely on them not us.

I say these things because they are getting worse as we head toward the tribulation. We will be raptured because we know Christ, but the mentality of the tribulation and end of the end times began some time ago and grows worse every day. We will not be under God's wrath as those who will enter into the tribulation but we will see rejection and persecution before that time of God's wrath, enduring the wrath of the devil and those who hate God.

Be encouraged, God said this would happen! This is why we must ignore the feelings that well up inside of us when those who are evil come against us. They will try to make us feel like villains for standing for truth. Don't pay any attention to them remembering it is the devil who puts this in the minds of lost people.

No one can destroy the glue that binds two people by the hand of God in marriage. It cannot be done, only death breaks that spiritual bond.

Narcissists Appoint Themselves!

Narcissists often appoint themselves as the leaders over those who have not been assigned leadership over others. There is a tendency to desire to be special and above everyone else. You can usually tell who they are because if they cannot lead you they will negate everything you do to appear superior.

Those who are authentic leaders appointed by others to be leaders are usually given this position because they have been judged by others to be talented in leadership.

Self-appointed leaders usually attempt to control others. Leaders who have been recognized as having leadership qualities by others are those who work well with others, viewing those under them as colleagues to listen to with talents and gifts that the leader does not have but are helpful in the group effort.

True leaders never see themselves as above others but rather as helpers to guide others. A good leader appoints others who have demonstrated skills that the leader does not have. A good leader never sees themselves as knowing everything, they seek out people they know can add wisdom and knowledge that the leader does not have. Leaders choose good counselors.

Anyone who believes they can lead without the counsel of others is not leader material. A good leader is able to discern the strengths of others to place on his team.

Those who see themselves as superior and special will never make good leaders. When a leader is doing his job well those who work for him will happily and willingly follow him, but not under compulsion or fear. A good leader fosters creativity by taking advice from those under him.

A good leader is able to motivate those under them to do their best within their expertise.

Philippians 2:3-4

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests but also for the interests of others.”

Psalm 78:72

"And David shepherded them with the integrity of heart; with skillful hands, he led them."

When a leader walks with the integrity of the heart he will seek to make the whole team look good and do well, not just promote himself.

Proverbs 29:2

"When the righteous increase, the people rejoice, but when the wicked rule, the people groan."

Self-righteous leaders who promote only themselves cause frustration and anger among those he leads. We see this a lot in church gatherings when the "pastors" refuse to listen to the flock as though they are the ultimate authority over the people. God never assigned them to be the authority over the people, only that they lead them by example.

1 Peter 5:2-3 "…2Be shepherds of God’s flock that is among you, watching over them not out of compulsion, but because it is God’s will; not out of greed, but out of eagerness; 3not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. "

There is much arrogance in the pulpits today, men who think their degree bought them special privilege over the people.

Matthew 20:25-26 "25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles domineer over them, and those in high position exercise authority over them. 26 It is not this way among you, but whoever wants to become prominent among you shall be your servant, 27 and whoever desires to be first among you shall be your slave; 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”"

There ought to be a passion for the truth, and boldness in speaking the truth. However, if there is a sense that a pastor is to bark orders, often not Biblical, and everyone in the congregation is not allowed to question or correct him but must jump to his orders, this man has presumed himself above the Holy Spirit Who dwells in every believer. Do not follow such a man, he does not have this authority to dictate our every move or monitor our financial giving, this man is a hireling.

IF there is a presumption that the congregation is beneath the leader this leader needs to be removed or ignored. If the congregation endorses this form of leadership then it is time to leave the church.

I heard of a case many years ago in which the pastor made a rule that anyone who had a home Bible study outside the church gathering would be disciplined. In his decree, only the pastor could lead a Bible study and it must be in the church building. This is utterly silly, there is no scriptural instruction to support this at all.

Education alone does not qualify a person to be a leader. A Spirit-filled man with no education is called by God to lead and others within his sphere of influence will see His godliness and desire him to lead. He does not appoint himself and his college degree does not qualify him.

I have known many godly men who were great speakers, writers, and leaders who did not have college degrees, they were led by the Holy Spirit.

One last thing to think about, those who depend on their degree by a human institution are not depending on the Holy Spirit, they are depending on the accreditation of a seminary or Bible school. This is the reason we have so many narcissists in the pulpits of this country today. They "pride" themselves as being more educated than someone without that degree. What has happened is that the degreed preacher often depends on what he was taught by men far more than what God's Word teaches.

A seminary degree does not qualify someone to be a leader in the church. It is the Holy Spirit Who calls men based on their submission to Him.

Acts 20:28

"Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood."

It is the Holy Spirit Who calls men to lead!

I have become weary of the "one-man pastor system" that promotes false leadership based on degrees. It has led to much heresy and abuse of congregations.

Perhaps it is time to return to house churches in which the men participate every week taking turns in leadership, no one man is dictating his own agenda. These men who are leading as a group will seek God in prayer for everything, ultimately it is the Holy Spirit leading them.

Just saying!!!

Depend on the Holy Spirit!

https://www.intheinterim.blog/post/when-is-arguing-lethal-to-christianity?fbclid=IwAR0p7O7wu68pmc3_BRqLVuk1MuPAdrWDgXwq5pJBIIBffcEbm5cv4Ihr8U8

The Power of God's Ways

Anyone who feels a sense of entitlement to your forgiveness has not been broken over their sin. The offender never "expects" forgiveness if they are truly sorry, they are too busy feeling a sense of failure because of their sin. They want reconciliation but they do not expect it because they know what they deserve.

We must forgive those who are repentant and confess their sin against us, we love to do this, it is what reconciles a relationship. There is great joy in reconciling a relationship God's way. It dissolves the feelings of hurt and animosity, even melting the heart. However, if there is no sorrow over sin the feelings remain and there is no peace that comes to the heart. When there is true reconciliation then peace is restored to both hearts.

A relationship is not reconciled if confession is missing or if forgiveness is absent. Both must be present for there to be a cleansing of the problem to move forward toward reconciliation. All debt is mitigated, which means "in the past and done with."

This is what forgiveness is all about, it is not for only one person, it is for the relationship. Psychology has this wrong because it is not based on the Bible but on Darwinism in which every person is a victim of someone else even if they are perpetrating evil on others.

When someone is deeply sorry for their offense, enough to feel shame and express it openly is when we know there has been a change of heart that leads to a change in behavior. This is why God told us to confess our sins to Him so that we can be cleansed and reconciled to HIm.

If we are too prideful to admit and confess openly our sin we are not yet sorry enough to be cleansed of it.

1 John 1:9

"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Only those who confess and are cleansed will grow into a better person with a greater ability to become the person God meant for them to become.

Psalm 51:16-17 "…16 For You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; You take no pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."

God is not interested in our attempts to "make up for our sins" by doing other good things. This mentality of making amends without the requirement of confessing only builds further pride over an accomplishment, it never changes the heart of a person. Relieving our temporary sad feelings is not God's goal, His goal is to change our heart and He cannot do that if we are not humbled enough to confess with a desire never to repeat the offense again.

Remember if someone is so humbled as to confess there will be a change in behavior because their heart has been changed.

If an offender "apologizes" because we are offended and have withdrawn, but continues the same behavior then they are merely manipulating us into letting them off the hook. They are not interested in a changed heart or changed behavior. These people are not sorry they are only manipulating to relieve themselves of the bad feelings, even guilt created by the problem. The offender has little or no concern about the person or the relationship they only want the problem to end for their own sake.

This is the same mentality we see in the jails, people who are not sorry they committed a crime but are sorry they are paying the consequences. These kinds of people do not change, they only learn to manipulate to end their consequences more quickly, even making excuses to absolve themselves.

As we grow in the Lord becoming more discerning we can tell when someone is authentically sorry or if they are merely wanting the problem to go away.

Problems in relationships do not resolve without dialogue, each person speaking and listening while the offended one confesses. Sometimes both parties need to confess and sometimes only one party did something that needs confessing. In our culture today many people assume both parties are at fault because there has been an argument, this is not always true. The offender needs to own his own stuff without requiring a false confession of their victim. And, no one outside that relationship should pressure the victim to forgive without an offer of confession of the offense. Those who pressure victims to forgive without repentance on the part of the offender are further abusing the victim.

God's example of this is clear in His Word; to repeat the passage;

Psalm 51:16-17 "…16 For You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; You take no pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."

When we do things God's way relationships are mended quickly and permanently because the offenders do not repeat their offenses. And, I have experienced this, the heart of the victim is melted, even weeping with the offender as the relationship grows even closer than before.

You see the ideas of the world sound good for momentary happy feelings but they are superficial at best without substance and unable to permanently resolve things between two people.

If you want the real solution with lasting effects be willing to wait for things to happen the right way. If one party will not do it the right way, that is refusing to confess or refusing to forgive after confession, then there is nothing more we can do, it must be left with God. If "temporary feelings" are the goal over lasting and permanent fixes, we create a culture that is never close to anyone nor is anything resolved. It's a society of pretending, no one grows to become better because the lessons learned from confessing and forgiving the right way are absent.

Let's not just buy into all the trite sayings psychology has perpetrated on our world and begin to dig deeply into God's Word to find the real and lasting solutions. This will take patience, time and prayer. Nothing worth doing is done quickly or for the purpose of superficial meaningless feelings.

Feelings are the more shallow part of our being, they cause more trouble and violate more scripture than they help.

One day as I was watching a sad part of a movie I began to feel like weeping over what was happening. Get this please, I felt like weeping over something that was not real, merely a story someone acted on the screen. This is why we cannot trust our feelings, they are responses to stimuli not facts. Feelings are not facts, they often defy the facts and muck up chances for good and real dialogue that could bring truth and resolve matters.

If we would just remember that "feelings" are not facts, that they often lie to us and are based on our own desires rather than reality, we would be far better off.

I have known people to make up lies about someone they disliked, making guesses they wanted to believe about that person and passing them along as facts. They had convinced themselves of things that were not true about the one for whom they had contempt even though none of it was true.

The Pharisees did this with Christ when they accused Him of doing miracles by the power of the devil. Families do this with one another, business people do it, neighbors do it and everyone else in between when they don't particularly care for someone. Born-again believers ought never to assume things about someone, we must always have hard facts and personal witness for any judgments we make about others.

Confession and Forgiveness are two sides of the same coin, both must be present for a relationship to be reconciled. It is laziness to avoid speaking our grievance as well as laziness to refuse to confess a transgression to the one who was offended.

We live in a lazy culture that just wants to sweep dirt under the rug without dialogue or just as bad pummel someone who has offended without discussing the problem with them.

Doing things God's way is hard work needing lots of humility, love, and the power of the Holy Spirit to accomplish. If we love someone we will be willing to do the embarrassing and difficult things to make things right. Doing things God's way takes faith, do we have enough faith to obey God's way?

1 Peter 3:14

"14 But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be in dread,"

Confronting someone who has offended is a risk, it could mean the end of the relationship if they do not admit their offense. Do we love them enough to fight for the relationship through confronting them.

James 4:17 "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."

4. James 1:22 "But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."

The Pre-Trib Rapture Under Attack

Extending Forgiveness Before Confession of Sin Destroys Relationships Permanently

When we extend forgiveness to one who is repentant it completely erases the debt they owe us, that is a debt of sin against us. This is what Christ did on the cross, but He will not forgive those who are not repentant. Christ came to reconcile us to Him through His sacrifice but only those who are repentant will have their debt of sin canceled.

When we cancel someone's debt when they are not sorry we have neglected "justice", and even have allowed sin to have no consequences. This is not loving toward the one who offended, it is self-love. Love toward the offended would be to show them their sin so they will have an opportunity to repent and change. Whether or not they do is not on us, it's on them. We are not responsible for the reactions of others, only for our obedience to God.

Psychology has taught for many years that love is to make someone "feel" better "momentarily", there is no concern for the eternal consequences of a person who remains loving their sin.

We are not here as born-again believers to make people "feel" good about themselves. We are here to preach the gospel of hope through repentance and reconciliation promoting of a broken spirit and contrite heart.

The world thinks it is love to make others feel happy, it does not understand that happiness does not save anyone from hell nor does it reconcile broken relationships.

The people I have known who say they forgave someone who did them harm when the offender was not sorry and even continues to offend, still had strong feelings arising continually to torment them. The reason they were still having these feelings is that all they did was "say" it with their mouth or in the mind; "I forgive" but since there was no change in the relationships they still felt like an injustice remained. They still had feelings of frustration because nothing was resolved between them and the offender.

When an offender is authentically sorry, contrite, and ashamed, coming to their victim in sorrow to confess and obtain forgiveness, the bad feelings in the victim do abate, even completely go away. The heart of the victim is melted by the contrition, to the point where they want to be reconciled and even help the offender to recover and go on to be a better person. This is the true heart of a person who loves God.

Galatians 6:1 "6 Brothers and sisters, even if a person is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual are to restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself so that you are not tempted as well."

However, when there is no resolution through confession of wrong done feelings are not adequate to resolve the sense of injustice and cleanse the heart of frustration over lack of repentance on the part of the offender.

"Just letting it go" is nothing more than useless words that fall from the lips to the ground, these words produce nothing, it is even a form of lying.

Can I make it more clear, confession and forgiveness are both necessary to reconcile a relationship? If the relationship remains broken because the offender will not confess and turn from the sin or the offended will not forgive when the offender repents, then there has been no resolution. Relationships can never be based on one party receiving darts while the other one is happy to shoot them.

Christ does not forgive those who are not repentant. This mentality that we must forgive even if the offender is not sorry has brought about a sense of entitlement on the part of offenders, that if you are a Christian you must forgive them no matter what they do to you, these self-righteous criminals expect forgiveness without every having to repent. This is very sad because then they have the same attitude toward God. They expect Him to forgive them even if they never love Him and never confess their sinfulness. A false gospel is afoot, the gospel of forgiving everyone no matter how wicked they are and they will slide into heaven the same way.

When an offender does something unkind or evil toward us we are instructed by God not to do revenge, but let's not confuse that with forgiveness.

Romans 12:18-20 "…18If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 On the contrary, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.”…"

This passage in Romans is not discussing forgiveness, it is laying the ground rules for never becoming like the offender by returning evil for evil. It is also showing us that we can remain innocent without fault when we maintain our walk with Christ in integrity, this too is not forgiveness.

God clearly says that without repentance there is no salvation. There is no relationship with God if there is no confession of sinfulness. God is our example for forgiveness toward mankind.

We lie against the gospel and one other when we claim we forgive without any expectation of repentance.

If we love the offender we require confession and contrition, this helps the offender. It is no help to show him that God does not require repentance by our own example toward one another.

Who are we to forgive someone whom God has not forgiven, are we better than God?!!!!

Our mission on this earth is to obey God, speak the truth with the heart of love as well as require justice from those who are unruly. It is not justice to pressure one who has been harmed to forgive an unrepentant offender.

When our example flies in the face of God to do what even He will not do, then we have made ourselves a god and for our own feelings of superficial holiness. So, here is the thing, to forgive for our own good feelings is a form of self-worship. Our own happiness is more important than the gospel message of repentance for sin.

Remember the saying: "more is caught than taught", we teach more by our example in the way we operate than we do by speaking dead words that ultimately end up being a misrepresentation of God and His Word.

Since we live in a world of fantasy thinking we see all around us those who spout words that sound good and give temporary good feelings but are nothing and do nothing.

The pressure to pray for the offender comes from the Holy Spirit, however, the pressure to forgive should not come from others who were not the victims. This is a form of abuse of its own.

If a person who was not the offended party wants to go and pressure the offender to repent, that would make a lot more sense.

Matthew 18:14-16 "15 If your brother sins against you, go and confront him privately. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’…"

Notice this verse from the same passage, Matthew 18:14 "14 In the same way, your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish."

The indication here is that God would rather we chastise those who are sinning than for them to perish. The chastisement could cause someone to repent and become born again.

Just saying!!!! This modern church steeped in psychology has done more harm to victims and the innocent without bringing offenders to accountability perhaps even helping them to enter heaven trusting Christ.

Don't Complain, Blame or Explain