Do not be food for the Lion

When we have had to live with narcissistic people we become programmed to think a certain way. That way is that we are beneath those in the household and unworthy to be loved.

When we are free from the narcissists we have to pray our way through to victory over the fleshly feelings that became so big a part of our existence from childhood into adulthood. The feelings of abandonment, rejection, distrust, and worthlessness were a part of our very being, to the point that we thought there was no escape. There was no help and no love to be found anywhere.

The trick is to stay close to God no matter what the narcissists are doing or saying so that when we respond it is in the Holy Spirit and not in our flesh. This is a challenge because our flesh gets emotional and sometimes to the point of a meltdown into a puddle on the floor if we allow it to have its head.

This is why I tell people to ignore their feelings, they seldom bring resolution and more often than not in this world they cause the narcissistic culture to think we are weak. They are right to a degree, leaning into our feelings will leave us weak and vulnerable. Say your feelings to a trusted friend, be honest but do not allow those feelings to dominate your actions or attitudes, they can lead to bitterness and defeat.

Once we realize what we are dealing with and that it is not about us we can remain calmer and less emotional.

Do we become emotional at the zoo when a lion roars at us? No, because we know he is a lion, that's what he does. It has no emotional pull on us, except maybe to laugh.

When we can see things through the lens of the Bible objectively and logically we are unaffected by personal attacks.

Are we mad at the lion if we climb inside the cage and he attacks us? NO, we realize how foolish it was to get in that cage with that lion knowing he was dangerous.

This is how we should view narcissists, they are wild animals without self-control attempting to eat everyone who does not bow to them. Or anyone who does not stand still and allow them their food.

Do not be food for the narcissist, do not allow them to goad you into rash irrational reactions. Do not answer them when they are being ridiculous. Do not feel sad when they act like a lion, after all, this is who they are, there is no response or reasoning with a hungry lion. I would say don't even waste time being angry at the lion, he is doing what lions do, without regard for anyone else but his personal desire to dominate.

Let the lion be a lion, stand by and watch the show but do not suck it into your soul.

Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Mockers inflame a city, but the wise turn away anger. 9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raving and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life.…"

Proverbs 18:2

"A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."

Narcissists are fools, they gain nothing except in their own mind from their foolishness. They will cut off their nose to spite their face and think they are in control of others.

Proverbs 1:7

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction."

Proverbs 10:14

"The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near."

God tells us not to bother communicating with fools, any conversation at all will be food for them to start an argument.

Proverbs 23:8 "…8You will vomit up what little you have eaten and waste your pleasant words. 9 Do not speak to a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words. "

You may not be able to run always from the narcissist but you can remain in control of your actions, your speech, and your emotions so as not to become food for the narcissist.

Proverbs 29:9

"If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet."

Ecclesiastes 7:9

"Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools."

Proverbs 14:7-9

"Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge. The wisdom of the prudent is to discern his way, but the folly of fools is deceiving. Fools mock at the guilt offering, but the upright enjoys acceptance."

Remember to pray for the narcissist, we cannot change them but God can place people and events in their lives that help them to see their need for repentance and salvation.

Titus 3:3

"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another."

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 "9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God."

I know it's hard to grasp but God can save the vilest sinner without our help. After all, He saved us!!!!

Love God's Way

Love God's way looks very different from worldly love. This is why we must ask God for the definition.


1 Corinthians 13:1-7 "4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Jimmy Evans – Growing Together– The Four Laws of Love

How to Keep Your Marriage Flying High

Do Not Feed the Lion!

When we have had to live with narcissistic people we become programmed to think a certain way. That way is that we are beneath those in the household and unworthy to be loved.

When we are free from the narcissists we have to pray our way through to victory over the fleshly feelings that became so big a part of our existence from childhood into adulthood. The feelings of abandonment, rejection, distrust and worthlessness were a part of our very being, to the point that we thought there was no escape. There was no help and no love to be found anywhere.

The trick is to stay close to God no matter what the narcissists are doing or saying so that when we respond it is in the Holy Spirit and not in our flesh. This is a challenge because our flesh gets emotional and sometimes to the point of a meltdown into a puddle on the floor if we allow it to have its head.

This is why I tell people to ignore their feelings, they seldom bring resolution and more often than not in this world they cause the narcissistic culture to think we are weak. They are right to a degree, leaning into our feelings will leave us weak and vulnerable. Say your feelings to a trusted friend, be honest but do not allow those feelings to dominate your actions or attitudes, they can lead to bitterness and defeat.

Once we realize what we are dealing with and that it is not about us we can remain calmer and less emotional.

Do we become emotional at the zoo when a lion roars at us? No, because we know he is a lion, that's what he does. It has no emotional pull on us, except maybe to laugh.

When we can see things through the lens of the Bible objectively and logically we are unaffected by personal attacks.

Are we mad at the lion if we climb inside the cage and he attacks us? NO, we realize how foolish it was to get in that cage with that lion knowing he was dangerous.

This is how we should view narcissists, they are wild animals without self-control attempting to eat everyone who does not bow to them. Or anyone who does not stand still and allow them their food.

Do not be food for the narcissist, do not allow them to goad you into rash irrational reactions. Do not answer them when they are being ridiculous. Do not feel sad when they act like a lion, after all, this is who they are, there is no response or reasoning with a hungry lion. I would say don't even waste time being angry at the lion, he is doing what lions do, without regard for anyone else but his personal desire to dominate.

Let the lion be a lion, stand by, and watch the show but do not suck it into your soul.

Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Mockers inflame a city, but the wise turn away anger. 9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raving and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life.…"

Proverbs 18:2

"A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."

Narcissists are fools, they gain nothing except in their own mind from their foolishness. They will cut off their nose to spite their face and think they are in control of others.

Proverbs 1:7

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction."

Proverbs 10:14

"The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near."

God tells us not to bother communicating with fools, any conversation at all will be food for them to start an argument.

Proverbs 23:8 "…8You will vomit up what little you have eaten and waste your pleasant words. 9 Do not speak to a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words. "

You may not be able to run always from the narcissist but you can remain in control of your actions, your speech, and your emotions so as not to become food for the narcissist.

Proverbs 29:9

"If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet."

Ecclesiastes 7:9

"Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools."

Proverbs 14:7-9

"Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge. The wisdom of the prudent is to discern his way, but the folly of fools is deceiving. Fools mock at the guilt offering, but the upright enjoys acceptance."

Remember to pray for the narcissist, we cannot change them but God can place people and events in their lives that help them to see their need for repentance and salvation.

Titus 3:3

"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another."

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 "9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God."

I know it's hard to grasp but God can save the vilest sinner without our help. After all, He saved us!!!!

The Silent Treatment is really a Silent Tantrum

Did you know that the "silent treatment" is really a "silent tantrum?" Children do this to manipulate and control. Adults who use it are acting like children, refusing to discuss a matter for resolution. Their hope is to cause an emotional meltdown so they can feel powerful and in control.

This tactic has no power over us when we ignore it. Knowing that the devil is behind it, and he has no power over a born-again believer unless we allow it, we do not have to become emotionally unhinged..

James 4:7 "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

How do we resist the devil the best?

By not allowing the childish tantrum to cause us to act in kind or become upset we thwart the plan of the devil to cause us to sin.

As one speaker said; "we do not fight fire with fire, that only causes a bigger fire."

We fight fire with refreshing water of the Word and prayer, leaving the one who is having a tantrum to God.

The more we trust in Christ and follow His principles the stronger we are against the wiles of the devil.

Ephesians 4:26-27 "…26 “Be angry, yet do not sin.” Do not let the sun set upon your anger, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. "

Hallelujah, we do not have to allow the world around us to turn us into it. We can be what Christ wants us to be using His principles.

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Pharisees Or Publican Which are You?

One woman recounted her life with these words: "Many years ago I had a question that could not be answered. That question was "why does my family treat me so disrespectfully as though there is nothing good in me?"

She knew it couldn't be because of the sin in her life because everyone has sinned. She had repented of the sins in her life and never did them again, why did her family treat her in this discourteous and impolite way?

The persecutors were Christian people who attended church every week and sometimes twice a week. What could be going on that she was not aware of, to cause such angst toward her?

Then one day it hit her, after she became born again those who have always treated her in these distasteful ways were no better after her life had changed. But wait; wouldn't we think that they would have been delighted at a soul that had been transformed by Jesus Christ? It would seem that they would become closer and even more connected to her as a sister in Christ.

It was only when she realized that sometimes people claim to be Christian but were never born again. They have a very high opinion of their own perceived goodness but do not have the Spirit of God within them that would rejoice with the new believer.

Luke 18:11-14 11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, `God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.

12 I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get.'

13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, `God, be merciful to me a sinner!'

14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Often those who are jealous or lack compassion have standards not of God but their own idea of "spirituality" that causes them to judge wrongly things they know little to nothing about.

Those who are pretenders in the church often view others on the basis of how they feel or how they think the others make them feel rather than on the truth.

For example, if we correct someone about their attitude or wrong unbiblical belief these same people will "feel" bad so they will judge the one who challenged them as bad.

Making up ideas in their own mind with the help of the devil they concoct thoughts of how they want to believe about the one who spoke the truth, that is merely their own imagination or at least the ideas the devil is planting in their minds.

There is a saying; "they want to believe we are bad people because of all the mean things they did to us."

Rather than searching their own hearts to see if they are jealous or a heart harboring the need to feel superior, they justify their wicked attitudes through rationalization and poorly developed attitudes. These people even attempt to provoke sinful responses in the person they hate to alleviate any sense that they have been wrong .

It is vitally important that we not react or respond in kind to those who want to provoke. It is not fire that fights fire, which only makes a bigger fire, as a preacher once said. It is a calm response that turns away wrath. We want to remove ourselves from those who attempt to provoke quenching any fire that they throw.

It is not possible to move forward in holiness or continue to grow as long as we are surrounded by people who think like Pharisees.

Pharisees hate humble people who have been broken and changed. The mind of the Pharisee is firmly set on rituals to follow rather than on Christ. Their mind cannot be Christlike because they are not born again. They do not look to the Spirit of the Law but to outward legalism that places people in bondage. Pharisee's glory in the failures and downfalls of others. Pharisees are not born again, they only think they are going to heaven when their destination is hell if they do not repent.

The Publican who repents glories in a restored and forgiven soul.

Is it possible for a believer to act in these shameful ways toward others, guessing and imagining things to fit their own desired belief about someone? It may be possible however if they continue down this road the Holy Spirit will stop speaking to them.

1 Timothy 4:1-2 "1 Now the Spirit expressly states that in later times some will abandon the faith to follow deceitful spirits and the teachings of demons, 2 influenced by the hypocrisy of liars, whose consciences are seared with a hot iron. "

1 Thessalonians 5:19

"19 Quench (silence) not the Spirit."

When we are rebellious and disobedient to God He will stop talking to us until we repent.

It is not wise to make judgements based on guesses or ideas without full knowledge of what is going on in someone's life. When we love someone we will come to them to ask, not in an attitude of accusation or superiority but in humility with kindness and love.

Those who love others want to save them, they never approach others to accuse or demean merely to elevate themselves.

When we want to grow in holiness we must choose our friends wisely, those who walk in the fruit of the Spirit will be true companions to us.

Galatians 5:22-23

"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

Anyone who approaches us about their observations will come with a humble Spirit desiring to understand and help, never to give a beat-down.

What is love?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things"

Love comes to help restore. Arrogance and jealousy come to keep us down. The loving born again believer is quick to forgive, quick to restore and quick to encourage.

May we not be like the Pharisees who pride themselves in how good they think they are,how much better. May we be those who remember that we had to repent and that our lives were once sinful too, allowing us the empathy to restore a broken heart to full fellowship.

Galatians 6:1-2 "1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.…"