Narcissists interpret things in terms of how they wish to see things not how the events really happened. They rewrite history to their own benefit.
Those who are self-absorbed will see every correction as a personal attack, refusing to understand another person's explanation or point of view.
I knew a person who used to say; "that's an excuse" to every explanation to negate the person's true experience.
Everything is an excuse to a narcissist who desires to believe bad about those they wish to dominate. When an attempt is made to explain a situation with the details to clarify or clear up a misunderstanding, the narcissist refuses to accept the explanation or reasons for action by saying it is just an excuse.
Any tool the narcissist has on his tool belt will be used to negate the person they dislike. More often than not the narcissist sees the person they are devaluing as superior to them but would never admit they feel this way. Instead they attempt to bring down the one they elevate so they can be superior.
The interesting thing is that narcissists are insecure and see a strong person as superior. The narcissist knows they are weak because of their out-of-control reactions to things but must use that rage to cause their target to rage back at them.
When the target does not rage back, the narcissist tries harder, then they remove themselves when they are not able to dominate our feelings and cause us to sin, and begin the smear campaign with others against us.
Narcissists are not content to leave their target alone, they must control how others see the target. One of their favored methods is to cause others to hate us the way they hate us. This is the gossip who interprets life experiences the way they wish they were, that is the target being inferior in every single way to the narcissist.
When we see entire family dynamics centered around the lead narcissist to do and say everything just like the narcissist, we are watching what is called, "family mobbings."
This dynamic is growing exponentially in our culture against born-again believers who want to obey the Scriptures.
Many pretenders, that is those who says they are Christians but have never been born again play a huge role in the family mobbings.
The one who attempts to keep "Christians" in the family accountable to the Bible is the one who is demonized and maligned by the gossips.
2 Corinthians 12:20
"20 For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish, and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, selfishness, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances;"
Since family is the target of the devil frequently, we will see him causing discord to ruin the lives of those who love Christ. If he can remove the support system of the believer he thinks he can cause them to become like their narcissistic family destroying their witness or perhaps even get the believer to walk away from Christ.
The devil is wrong that a true believer will walk away from Christ but he can ruin their witness when they give up and become like their narcissistic family.
Proverbs 24:1 "1Do not envy wicked men or desire their company; 2for their hearts devise violence, and their lips declare trouble.…"
Psalm 1:1
"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or set foot on the path of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers."
Proverbs 22:24-25
"Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare."
When we spend a lot of time with narcissists they will attempt to cause anger in us through their lying, provocation, and contempt for us. We do not want to become angry or contemptuous like them by justifying our anger toward them because of their provocations.
The devil is very clever, he will poke and poke and poke at us to cause the flesh to take over, raging in sin, giving him an excuse for harming us. We must not allow the narcississt who is controlled by the devil to provoke us into acting like him.
Refusing to engage in discussions with the narcissist is the best way to avoid their incitement of emotion. When we have to be in company with them we can remain silent and walk away.
1 Corinthians 10:13 "helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
The devil tempts believers to become angry in response to mean-spirited people who love to fight. We must be controlled by the Holy Spirit to be able to pull off calmness in the middle of the attack.
It is true that we can be attacked by a narcissist and feel nothing emotionally from the attack. However, it takes prayer and training in learning to be calm and unreactive.
The Holy Spirit teaches us about evil provocative people to give us the knowledge we need to see what we are up against. When we know the attacks of the narcissist are not about us but induced by the devil in the narcissist we do not have to take it seriously.
When we know we are living in a wicked world full of narcissistic people we need not defend ourselves. God will bring about justice in the end, we do not have to have the last word with someone who will trample on our pearls.
Matthew 7:6 " 6Do not give dogs what is holy; do not throw your pearls before swine. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. "
The more we attempt to reason with a narcissist as we would with kind reasonable people the worse they become.
Now when I am in company with a narcissist I feel nothing when they begin their nonsense, because I feel nothing I don't have to control angry emotions, they just are not there.
If we control our emotions when they well up within us, eventually we won't even have them. A good example might be that we become angry when we are not heard because we are self-focused.
When we are not self-focused, have no need to win anything, and are trusting Christ, we cannot be provoked. It is self that gets in the way and causes the emotions and desires to win.
When self is out of the way, we have no need to defend ourselves or even be heard. God knows all about what is happening and He will have the last word.
Proverbs 26:4
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him."
