Narcissists want their sins to be accepted by others because they cannot operate in isolation so they bully others into accepting their sins. We see this in politics all the time and even among church relationships. Those who wish to defend sin will isolate us, gossip against us, and refuse to have conversations with us to resolve disagreements.
The refusal to discuss rationally a matter is a sure sign that someone wants to bully.
I once had a young woman get up in my face
declaring that she wanted to "fight this out" referring to talking to me about something. I declined the invitation to "fight" because I was not interested in fighting, I was interested only in discussing rationally. She took this as an attack against her as my refusing to resolve something. The truth is that if there is no love and only a desire to fight then we know the fighter is only going to fight to win not to hear what you have to say to understand you. Sadly this woman was much younger than me, ignoring the scriptural mandate to honor the older woman and began raging at me.
If they cannot bully you into accepting their sin they will attempt to ruin your other relationships through their gossip.
If they can get your friends to be against you this is satisfying to them as much as if the bullying caused you to capitulate to their demands.
It is not possible to reason with a bully, they are full of anger and resolve to hate you so much so that they cannot think rationally. All they care about is winning.
If they cannot pull off bullying overtly they will use subtle digs and covert tactics to isolate and intimidate you.
God said in His Word that in the end times, the mentality of most people will be this way and sadly, even in the church.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Difficult Times Will Come (difficult: meaning "ragingly insane")
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
It is rare in our day that someone loves the one they disagree with and desires to understand. Most people in our world today only care about winning over others. They cannot calmly, kindly and rationally discuss a matter for the purpose of resolving it so that both parties feel loved and heard.
Proverbs 29:9-10 " 9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raving and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life.…'
If someone approaches you to fight with you it might be a good idea to calmly and kindly say; "I will be happy to talk with you when you come back without the anger." If they are truly kind people they won't approach you in anger and if they are a little off that day, they will go away and come back when they are no longer angry. Their response to you will say a lot about them.
Proverbs 17:12
"It is better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool in his folly."
Proverbs 26:4
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him."
Proverbs 29:8
"Mockers inflame a city, but the wise turn away anger."
A person who has an angry spirit will never be reasonable, they lack the ability to see any side but their own. The more you talk the worse they become and they will use what you say to gossip against you, often to your friends.
Keep in mind too, if the narcissist is able to turn your friends against you, the people they turn were never your friends.
Matthew 7:6
"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."
Attempting to reason with a foolish angry person is the same as throwing our pearls before swine, they will trample them, mock you and repeat falsely what you said to others. Spinning what you say to make it sound damaging is a favored tactic of the narcissist.
Since we live in a day when most people will have this 2 Timothy 3 mentality we can expect constant irrational drama.
Proverbs 27:3-5 "…3 A stone is heavy and sand is a burden, but aggravation from a fool outweighs them both. 4 Wrath is cruel and anger is like a flood, but who can withstand jealousy? 5 Better an open rebuke than love that is concealed.…"
A rebuke is sometimes necessary, it is always good to use Scripture if one has to do this. After all, worldly thinking is not what we do as believers. Everything we do and say must be weighed through the scriptural standards with the words of Christ. Christ's words are the entire Bible from Genesis to Revelation, He is the Author.
One of the most dangerous and wicked people are those who harbor jealousy, their mentality of competitiveness kills relationships and ruins families. Stay away from those who act jealously, they have nothing to offer the born-again believer, except to attempt to ruin our walk with Christ, and they are even jealous of that.
Jealousy is a form of hatred, a lack of joy for others. People who are jealous of you will speak evil of you to turn others against you. Avoid them and those they are able to turn.
Galatians 5:26
"26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."
1 Corinthians 13:4–5
"4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;"
When we see jealousy we know it because it is the opposite of love. Sometimes we must love others from afar as we pray for them but they cannot be our companions because they do not walk the path we walk and do not want the life we have chosen for ourselves.
