The Godly Work to Resolve, the Narcissist Works to Demean

"Where you seek compromise, the Narcissist will see total victory. Where you seek understanding, the Narcissist seeks domination."
Kimberly Harding

When you find yourself in a relationship with a crazy making narcissist, desiring to talk out a problem to understand, change or fix something, the narcissist will refuse to discuss anything.

The reason we are met with resistance to discussion to resolve a matter, is basic to the narcissistic experience, they simply cannot discuss a matter calmly and rationally because their goal is always to win. If that means to manipulate, intimidate and lie to gain their end goal, they will do it.

When we love with a Christ-like love we rush to understand and resolve difficulties. We desire to talk things out, our goal is never to win, but to fix a problem.

The only reason a problem cannot be fixed is because someone is guilty and will not confess or admit it. If they admit their guilt they are then in a one down position in their own minds it is positively unthinkable for the full blown narcissist.

There are those too, who will not discuss a problem because they love their prejudice against their target, they enjoy hating the one whom they choose to misunderstand. This is positively demonic, engineered by the devil and carried out in the minds of those who have no defenses against him and his minions.

When we love God's way, we love to resolve things, we love to reconcile and we love to understand to grow in knowledge and wisdom.

Those who love only themselves, have only one thing in mind and that is to be perceived as perfect and right in everything. They do not grow, change or resolve problems, they merely move on from those they cannot control or who do not elevate them in a special way.

2 Peter 3:17-18 "…17 Therefore, beloved, since you already know these things, be on your guard not to be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure standing. 18 But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen."

2 Timothy 4:18
"And the Lord will rescue me from every evil action and bring me safely into His heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen."

2 Peter 1:2
"Grace and peace be multiplied to you through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord."

2 Peter 1:3
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence."

2 Peter 1:8
"For if you possess these qualities and continue to grow in them, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

We cannot always resolve things with those who refuse to discuss, but we can be a reasonable person ourselves with others who love as we love while never returning evil for evil no matter how intense or covert the tactics of the narcissist is. We can pray that we go on to operate under the power of the Holy Spirit, as we pray that others will do the same.