Those who are secure and free from guilt may feel bad that someone thinks ill of them but they are not threatened by a challenge when they know the disagreement is without merit.
Fear in the guilty party is what drives defensiveness. Those who are overtly unkind are readily seen but the covert ones know what they have done and are easily angered because they sense the insecure feeling that they have been exposed.
Exposure of narcissistic individuals is the worst form of attack to them, in their own mind. This is the reason for the rage even when the challenge is minor.
Secrecy is the hallmark of those who are easily offended. They live in a world in their mind that must keep up false appearances in order to maintain a fondness for themselves.
This is also the reason we see so many cliques in the church and other organizations, people must feel elevated in order to have a sense of worth to the world. Born-again believers have no need to be accepted by others because their worth and well being is in Jesus Christ.
When we encounter someone who walks around on eggshells out of fear we have met someone guilty of something.
There is no reason to fear a challenge or become enraged when someone disagrees with us when we understand that everyone has a right to their own ideas and that we are not "lesser" because someone else does not validate us through agreement.
We are not enmeshed with anyone but Christ as believers. We have no need to be supported by someone else to remain faithful to our own beliefs.
Those who are insecure and full of guilt are the ones who are easily offended by anything that might make them think about their own actions or attitudes. They see disagreement as a personal attack and will defend themselves when no defensiveness is necessary.
Proverbs 28:1. “The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion”
Proverbs 29:11-20
"Fools are quick to express their anger, but wise people are patient and control themselves".
Wise people are those who find it easy to admit things about themselves that need work but the fool must elevate themselves as perfect. They must have the admiration of others around them to feel of value. This is called co-dependency, when someone is highly dependent on appearances and the praise of men more than substance. Character does not matter much to those who are full of guilt, only how they appear to others is of any value to them.
Authenticity and truth are low on the spectrum of character with the narcissist. They will twist the words of others and even the words of God to justify what they wish to believe about themselves and others.
Matthew 23:27-28 "27 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside, but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and every kind of impurity. 28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to be righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
A believer must continually evaluate their own attitudes so that when the attitude becomes an action it will reflect the glory of God and not themselves.
2 Corinthians 3:18 "
But we all, with unveiled faces, looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit."
The only way to grow and progress in holiness is to keep close accounts of our attitudes and actions, and confess it to God when necessary and to anyone we have harmed by our words or actions. Confessing only to God when others were involved does not fix a relationship. Relationships are mended by one party admitting the fault and the offended party forgiving.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Luke 17:3 says, "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him". The verse continues, "If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him".
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