We know the narcissists know what they are doing because they are only mean and rude to those they think they can control and they see as beneath them. They are totally opposite to those they wish to impress. They know who will tolerate their superior attitude and who will not.
Those who act superior cannot endure anyone who thinks differently from themselves. They are disdainful toward anyone who would challenge them to think more deeply about things. They are also not those who can listen to hear the truth, they must remain faithful to their gossip without ever having a meaningful conversation with the one gossiped about. They merely believe what the narcissist says to stay in the good graces of that gossipmonger and that system of control in the family.
Narcissists emotionally and spiritually abuse someone for so long
that they think their target will never figure it out. They think we are stupid and will continue to put up with their nonsense our entire lives. The narcissist believes they are smart and outsmarting us, but in reality, they are foolish in thinking that we will never get away from them. And, that their antics will never be discovered.
Proverbs 29:9-10 "9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raving and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life.…"
Those who have been targets of a narcissistic family system will understand everything I am telling them here. They have seen the tricks, the subtle digs, the gossip disguised as concern and the attempts at isolating the target from the ones who hear the gossip.
Notice one important thing about the narcissistic family dynamic, that is the secrecy, the tendency to keep hidden what is going on even refusing to hear other sides to keep the lies going. Discussion is discouraged and research to find the truth is treated with contempt. No one in the system questions either side to discern the truth.
Narcissists tend to hide things in their own lives expecting that anyone who hears their life would do the same thing the narcissist does and that is to gossip about them. Narcissists always think others do the same things the narcissists do which is the reason they hide, withhold much information and fear being found out.
Narcissists are very secretive individuals, fearful that if anyone found out about the real them, they would be rejected as the narcissist rejects others who do not measure up to their idea of good.
Narcissists are black-and-white thinkers, they judge others as all good or all bad. If someone thinks the same way as the narcissist the narcissist judges them as all good. If someone thinks differently or acts differently from the narcissist would act or think they would be treated as all bad by the narcissist.
Narcissists have favorite people who are treated as perfect and elevated above others. Those who are not their favorites are treated contemptuously and without kindness unworthy of it.
Romans 2:11
"For God does not show favoritism"
Ephesians 6:9
"Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Don't threaten them; remember, you both have the same Master in heaven, and he has no favorites"
Colossians 3:25
"But if you do what is wrong, you will be paid back for the wrong you have done. For God has no favorites"
James 2:8–9
"If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers"
Those who elevate themselves above others cannot love God. They are on their own thrones and love to appear superior to others. Those who need to feel superior can never obey God in loving others better than themselves.
Ffavoritism is not simply disrespectful of people; it is sin against God.
Narcissism is self-exaltation, the same mentality the devil had when he wanted to be seen as superior to God. Those who indulge in self-exaltation and favoritism toward those who elevate them are sinning and very likely are not born again.
When we become born again God makes us into a new creation removing all love of self from our hearts and replacing it with the love of Christ.
This is what is involved in self-love:
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
We cannot love God and others as long as we are invested in loving ourselves the most.
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