When encountering a narcissistic controller, it is best to calmly state the truth, when they explode, calmly repeat it again and if they become over the top, then just calmly walk away.
Notice the word "calmly." Upsetting us is the goal of the arguer, so we must not give them what they are wanting.
The reason people use an explosion is to intimidate, is to cause frustration. When they see that their tactic has not worked they will be embarrassed and either stop or leave. We can stand our ground, without addressing their response and continue to calmly state our case.
The purpose of an explosion is to cause others to be out of control, for some strange reason, it makes the person who intimidated ,feel in control of others.
We must be confident that we are right and that we did nothing wrong. Often when someone explodes we assume we must have been offensive. Our confidence in what we are saying is important.
I was treated this way for many years with a narcissistic brother. They have the ability to make an insecure person feel stupid when they did or said nothing wrong.
A narcissist will elevate their voice, mock what you said no matter how insignificant it was, while speaking and acting superior to their victim.
Those who feel a need to dominate others will use an elevated voice to gain control over their victim, feeling empowered when they have managed to cause anger in their target.
God gave us some guidelines for dealing with these kind of people. When someone displays this mentality regularly and especially around you when they don't do it to others they think they respect, then we have a Scripture we can follow that helps us remain confident, in control and calm.
Proverbs 26:4 "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, Or you will also be like him."
And, Proverbs 22:24 "Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man,"
Sometimes we live with these people and cannot get away from them, as was my case with a brother. In these situations it is best to never allow them to anger us or get caught up in their push to fight. Leaving their presence whenever they begin their foolishness, going away to a room to pray, is the best action to take.
Proverbs 14:7 - "Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not [in him] the lips of knowledge."
Fighters, mockers, and intimidaters, will work on us until they see they can have no control over our emotions or reactions. The best thing to do is to never "react", but to calmly state the truth and leave the room for them to have no one to fight with.
God never said that we have to make another person understand. He gave us many guidelines about what to do when a person will not listen, one of those guidelines is to shake the dust from our feet.
We can live in peace when we do not keep company with those who are hell bent on arguing or fighting to win, rather than interested in truth.
Discussing to find the truth is far different from fighting and arguing to be the victor.
We are going to see more of this silliness perpetrated by arguers, because our world is becoming increasingly narcissistic and irrational. It is important that we walk closely with the Lord and guard our time, spending as little time as possible with those who are sent by Satan to ruin our joy and peace.
May the Holy Spirit guide all of us as we encounter the minions of darkness who control the mouths and hearts of the rebellious.
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