Narcissists Hate Manners

One of the elements of the narcissistic personality is their hatred of manners, they do not like to be polite or encouraging. 

 

Being kind and encouraging someone, is a form of lowering ourselves for the sake of another, narcissistic people hate to lower themselves for anyone.

Acts 28:2

"2 The islanders showed us unusual kindness. They built a fire and welcomed us all because it was raining and cold."

Narcissists hate to give honor to anyone who does not elevate them. Because their entire existence is based on others making them special, they cannot tolerate those who do not elevate them above others.

I have also seen narcissists not only lack hospitality, but they will not receive it either. To accept hospitality they also must lower themselves to be grateful. 

 

They can be very critical of those who do good for them, they see it as a weakness. As strange as it may seem, the narcissist despises tenderness, generosity, self sacrifice and honest emotion. They will demean those who enjoy hospitality to invoke a sad or angry response. 

 

It is common for a narcissist to mock our attempts at hospitality, saying we didn't need to do what we did, to remove our joy of doing it for them. It is irrational, but makes the narcissist feel in control of others. When we see someone acting this way consistently, as a matter of course, then it is best to keep our distance in the future, they bring nothing but turmoil and emptiness to any gathering.

Proverbs 18:2 "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. "

Proverbs 29:11 "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. "

Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction."

Proverbs 18:6 "A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating."

Proverbs 26:19 "Is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!”

Proverbs 29:9 "If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet."

Proverbs 28:26 "Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered."

Matthew 5:22 "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire."

Proverbs 26:3-12 "A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the back of fools. Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. Whoever sends a message by the hand of a fool cuts off his own feet and drinks violence. Like a lame man's legs, which hang useless, is a proverb in the mouth of fools. ... "

Proverbs 10:23 "Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding."

The key to handling narcissists, is to never respond in anger or frustration to their rudeness, it only feeds their desire to cause trouble and avoid contact with them as much as possible. The devil is using their mouths to mock and demean God's ways, while stifling our walk with the Lord. The devil is using them as tools to keep us from walking in the Lord's peace and joy. 

 

It is a joy to do things God's way, the greatest pleasure of the believer is to show hospitality, when someone does not want this, then they will not be an asset to our spiritual growth, only keeping us continually on our toes without rest in our souls. God tells us to get away from them in 2 Timothy 3:1-5.

Praise the Lord we are allowed to choose our companions, we are allowed to withdraw from unruly people who have no love for righteousness.