How Do We Deal With Conflict?

What is our first response when we have to go through hardship? Do we turn to Christ in prayer or do we turn from Him in anger and bitterness. Here Francis Frangipane answers with very wise instruction.

Bitterness in the Garden of our Hearts

By Francis Frangipane

This is the whole article from Francis Frangipane on sorrow and bitterness...

"See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled" (Heb. 12:15).

It is impossible to pass through this world without being struck by injustice or heartache. Unless we process our struggles in Christ, a single wounding of our soul can create a deep bitterness within us, poisoning our very existence. In my forty-six years of ministry, I have known far too many Christians who have perfected the art of looking polite while living inwardly with an angry, cynical or resentful spirit. They have swallowed the poison of bitterness, and they are dying spiritually because of it. The problem is that, as Christians, we know it is wrong to react with open anger toward people. However, rather than truly forgiving and surrendering that injustice to God, we suppress our anger. Anger is a result of perceived injustice. Suppressed anger always degrades into bitterness, which is, in reality, unfulfilled revenge.

Embittered People

A bitter soul is trapped in a time warp; the person dwells in the memory of their pain. Several years ago I met a woman who had suffered a difficult divorce. I talked with her every six months or so for two years, and each time we talked she said exactly the same negative things about her ex-husband. Although she was divorced from him, she was now married to a bitter spirit that held her captive to her heartache.

An embittered soul continually blames others for their situation. I’m thinking of Naomi in the Book of Ruth. Here was a person who blamed her bitterness on God. She was angry that He allowed hardship and loss in her life. "The Lord has brought me back empty" (Ruth 1:21). In effect she was saying, My sorrow is God's fault.

Contrast her life with that of Job's first encounter with loss (Job 1). Job lost his children and possessions, yet he bowed and worshiped: "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord" (Job 1:21).

How we handle sorrow reveals the depth of our worship of God. When life cuts us, do we bleed bitterness or worship? Job bowed and drew close to God. Naomi withdrew and talked about the Lord with her back toward Him. I have dear friends who lost their only son when he was a teenager. In the midst of their heartache, they have become examples to everyone of true worship. Over the years, their pain actually purified and deepened their worship; their suffering made them more compassionate toward the suffering of others (See 2 Cor. 1:3-4). I also know others who have suffered the sudden loss of a loved one and, within weeks, withdrew from God and became embittered. Adversity does not perfect character; it reveals character. It exposes what is happening inside of us.

Poisoned

In ancient times mankind experimented with vegetation, seeking to learn which plants were edible and which were poisonous. In his search, he discovered that, generally speaking, if a plant or fruit was sweet, it was usually safe to eat; bitter plants, man discovered, would either sicken or kill. Likewise, the bitter experiences of life, if we ingest them into our spirits, can become a spiritual poison that destroys our hopeful expectations and attitudes. Such an experience may enter your soul via a relational wound or injustice; it can begin through a major disappointment or loss. However, once bitterness enters the human soul, like ink spreading in a glass of water, it can darken every aspect of our existence.

Indeed, not only can bitterness ruin our lives, Hebrews warns that a root of bitterness can "defile many" (Heb. 12:15 NIV). A spiritual root of bitterness is a hidden, unresolved anger that is buried beneath the surface of our lives. Outwardly we look "properly Christian," until we begin to discuss with others the situation where someone hurt us. As we speak, that root "springs up" and it defiles others. If you haven't dealt with your bitterness, beware when you speak to others, lest you defile them with your words. If you are listening to an embittered person, take heed that the spirit of bitterness is not being transferred to your life as well!

God desires to rescue us from bitterness so we can truly love and laugh again. Let us, therefore, sincerely approach the throne of God's grace and ask Him to show us the garden of our hearts. Yes, and let us see if our souls are truly free of the root of bitterness.