It is impossible to be in a relationship with someone who expresses disrespect as though they have a good reason even though they have never told you what the reason is for their contempt.
When someone expresses disrespect in action or word, without voicing what it is that bothers them, then it is likely they don't have anything of substance. They simply do not like your personality or that you do not fawn all over them.
Often those who are rebellious, those with high opinions of themselves, will despise anyone who does not see them as special.
Bratty children who have been indulged and praised all their lives grow into selfish, entitled and manipulative people. They cannot tolerate anyone who will not put up with their nonsense.
Sadly this mentality of entitlement is growing with each new generation. These self righteous ones believe they are deserving of special attention, when they do not get it, those who do not provide it will be targeted for emotional and verbal abuse, sometimes even physical abuse.
When our eyes are opened to the tricks of the devil, we become more equipped to navigate through relationships or move on to new ones.
God gave us clear direction when it comes to those who refuse to listen for correction as well as those who enjoy pretending more than they are dedicated to actually becoming changed by Christ.
In our world today we are going to experience people who are satisfied with pretense, hiding their real inner spirit to impress others, while possessing a spirit of pride and rebellion. Unfortunately in our present culture the rebellious one has plenty of encouragement to continue their lives in this vein, as those around them will not correct them, either enjoying how they are or fearful they will become the target.
It is Christ Who must change the hearts, he must be the one to change us. When anyone makes the decision to make themselves appear good, without actually being so inside, they are playing a very dangerous game.
God sees all, He is not interested in how we appear to others, He is interested in our heart being truly dedicated to Him, to His Word and His principles.
The biggest obstacle to authentic Christianity today is the misguided belief that appearances are all that matter, that words are all that matter. God is more concerned about substance, authenticity and genuine devotion to Him.
Appearances have no value whatever, they are deceptive and regressive. They can only hold up as long as the person using them is not weary. Eventually, the self righteous appearance seeking individual, will become tired, let down their guard and be exposed for the phony that they are, they cannot keep it up all their lives.
2 Corinthians 11:14 "And no marvel, for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light."
If we are not moving forward in spiritual growth, we will be moving backward into sinfulness. Pretenders are in prison to their false persona, they are bound up inside by fear of being exposed, this is the reason they become enraged when someone challenges them even in the mildest terms.
Matthew 7:21-23 "21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
Ephesians 5:10-11 "…10 Test and prove what pleases the Lord. 11 Have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them."
John 3:19-21 "…19 And this is the verdict: The Light has come into the world, but men loved the darkness rather than the Light, because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come into the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever practices the truth comes into the Light, so that it may be seen clearly that what he has done has been accomplished in God."
The joy and happiness of others is deeply disturbing to the narcissist, they are so empty inside that any display of joy on the part of others upsets them, they must do something to ruin it.
When we encounter a narcissist we can expect that they will attempt to make our good deeds look foolish or unnecessary, devaluing and undermining all that we do. Not only that, they will do something to ruin any holiday we spend with them, they cannot stand our joy and happiness.
The narcissist works to make others distrust us, they hope to cause others to disrespect and devalue us as much as they do.
Narcissists love to make mountains out of mole hills, another way to devalue you. They delight in any hurt you might display from their disapproving grunts and spiteful words.
They lie by omission or assume things that are not true. They are deeply invested in the idea that their "feelings are facts." If they feel convicted around you, then you must be a bad person, because you see, their feelings when they are with you, must be about you. The truth is that the feelings of the narcissist are almost never based in truth, but in their own perception of events, not what really happened.
If the narcissist acts disrespectfully toward you, they will remember the situation as you having done so to them. They do not see things in reality, only in how they choose to see them.
They will never admit anything they do, in fact when they are unkind they will blame others for their own acts of meanness.
They have no guilt about their evil plans, even feeling a sense of glee over what they have done to you.
They intentionally withhold information, to make you feel left out, while revealing all they shared with others in their clique. They hide so they think you are hiding. They tell lies so they think everyone else is doing what they do, that is lying. They believe others do the same things they do, they lack the ability to see anything as it really was, only their twisted perception of what happened.
When reminded of something they said or did, they claim it never happened, to keep their false persona in tact.
2 Corinthians 11:13-15 "…13 For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. 14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 15 It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their actions.…"
Galatians 2:4
"4 But it was because of the false brethren secretly brought in, who had sneaked in to spy out our liberty which we have in Christ Jesus, in order to bring us into bondage."
Narcissists want us to be in bondage to their actions and reactions. When we are strong and are not easily manipulated or controlled by them, they are aggravated, so much so that they will begin gossiping against us. If they cannot harm us by their own tactics they will bring in their minions to also come against us.
This was the case with the apostles experienced those who came against them, sent by the devil to cause problems in the church, so too, do these devils work among family members to cause trouble.
2 Timothy 3:8
"8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men of depraved mind, rejected in regard to the faith."
Often people in dysfunctional families would rather believe gossip and lies than do the work to find out the truth by getting all sides of the story.
In order to find out truth from someone who has been gossiped about, we must have a measure of love. There is no love in the heart of the narcissist, their only and always response to everything is what ever preserves their false self.
I don't know about you, but I am blessed greatly by this knowledge of how the narcissistic mind works. In these final days of 2 Timothy 3 description, it is very helpful to know what we are dealing with and gain strength from that knowledge. The Holy Spirit can teach us specifics in each circumstance, guiding us every step so that we are not drawn into becoming like those that pummel us with negativity.
As we live among unholy, ungodly and rebellious people every day, we can maintain a stance of Christ likeness, that is not moved by all that comes against us.
The devil would love nothing more than to turn us into bitter, hateful and angry people through our difficulties. But it does not have to happen, we can live like Christ and learn to ignore the attempts to harm us and leave the relationships that seek to torment us.
Matthew 24:12 " 12 Because of the multiplication of wickedness , the love of most will grow cold."
Matthew 24:10-11 " 10 At that time many will fall away and will betray and hate one another, 11 and many false prophets will arise and mislead many.…"
1 Timothy 4:1 "1 But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons"
Those in our own families who attend church every week and claim to be Christians my be those described in 1 Timothy 4. Any one who does fall away was never born again, they were pretenders from the beginning and in need of salvation.
Therein lies our mission, to remove ourselves from the evil doer and begin to pray for them, that the light of God's Word would shine on them, causing their eyes to be opened to their own wickedness and a desire to be made whole by Christ.
After all, it's not their demise that we wish, it's their transformation into a new creation by Christ that is our ultimate desire. If they do this because God worked in their lives, then we will be the first to rejoice. In the mean time, we watch, we tell the truth, we pray, that we keep our eyes on Christ and that He speak through us always.
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