Confession and then Forgiveness in that Order

When is the last time you heard a strong sermon or rebuke about repentance?

I rarely hear people discussing the need for confession of sin to be cleansed by God and then to be reconciled to the person the offender has harmed.

Why is that? Why do preachers spend more time on forgiveness than they do on confessing sin? The offender started the whole thing but is pampered while the victim is battered to forgive the unrepentant.

Perhaps there is more preached on forgiveness because everyone wants to be forgiven even if they are not sorry, too prideful to confess and resistant to humbling themselves. It takes a measure of humility to ask someone to forgive. It also takes humility to accept the consequences of admitting a wrong.

Those who would ask forgiveness to get it, will be expecting it and angry if it is not extended. However a humble person will ask forgiveness knowing they don't deserve it and ready to accept any response, even one that brings further rebuke.

When there is an imbalance of forgiveness and confession of sin there is going to be misunderstanding and little to no spiritual growth for either the confessor or the forgiver. We should teach equal measures of each, confession first since that is what is required to be forgiven, then forgiveness next after the confession takes place.

No one automatically becomes bitter because someone else will not confess to be forgiven. There is no scripture that says any such thing.

The prophets never declared forgiveness for their enemies, even King David asked the Lord to avenge him. Forgiveness never takes priority over justice. God's forgiveness is predicated on confession of sin and so we too follow God's example. Is God bitter because he cannot forgive those who are going to hell? I think not, he is a just God and we should be a just people.

If you are an offender and you love the one you offended, then you will be driven in your heart to make it right through confession. If you are the offended one, love the offender deeply enough to require confession so they can be cleansed from their offense. When we forgive too soon we rob the offender of a chance to clear their conscience and begin again in a different vein. Our objective is not to make people feel good about themselves when they have sinned, just the opposite, we should be speaking God's truth that they might see their own wickedness.

To prematurely forgive is to be an enabler, a support to the sinful act.

Isaiah 26:10 "10 Though grace is shown to the wicked man, he does not learn righteousness. In the land of righteousness he acts unjustly and fails to see the majesty of the LORD. "

Ephesians 5:7-8
"7 Therefore do not be partakers with them; 8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light"

When we forgive before confession of sin we are supporters and partakers of that sin.

Those who expect nothing out of the offender don't love him/her. Those who love the offender will speak the truth and require confession to be forgiven. Removing all consequences, forgiving too soon before the conscience can be pricked, denies the offender the opportunity for cleansing and freedom from their guilt.

Forgiving an offender who is blatantly proud of their offense, angry at a challenge to be cleansed will not benefit from our forgiveness, nor will we, nor will the relationship.

There is a greater good that comes from confession and forgiveness God's way. Producing temporary "good feelings" from sadness to pretend there has been a reconciliation when there has not does nothing productive for either person.

This article focuses on confessing sin to be forgiven, for without confession of sin there will be no forgiveness. Confessing our sin to those we have offended takes humility as well as acceptance of the consequences.

Those who confess but become angry at the consequences are falsely confessing to get something for themselves. The focus is not on the offense against God as well as those they abused, it is on them relieving themselves of the guilt or the separation from their friends. Confession to feel better is nothing more than manipulation and based on selfishness.

Psalm 32:5
Then I confessed my sins to you;
I did not conceal my wrongdoings.
I decided to confess them to you,
and you forgave all my sins.

James 4:7-10
"So then, submit yourselves to God. Resist the Devil, and he will run away from you. Come near to God, and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners! Purify your hearts, you hypocrites! Be sorrowful, cry, and weep; change your laughter into crying, your joy into gloom! Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. "

Proverbs 28:13
"13 He who conceals his transgressions (sins) will not prosper,
But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion."

Jeremiah 3:13
13 ‘Only acknowledge your iniquity (sin),
That you have transgressed against the Lord your God
And have scattered your favors to the strangers under every green tree, And you have not obeyed My voice,’ declares the Lord."

Psalm 32:3
"3 When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long."

1 John 1:9
"But if we confess our sins to God, he will keep his promise and do what is right: he will forgive us our sins and purify us from all our wrongdoing."

James 5:16
"So then, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you will be healed. The prayer of a good person has a powerful effect."

Do not agonize over one who will not confess, or one who rebels when we challenge them about their sin against us, leave it to God and walk away. We are not required to forgive those who are stubborn and have no interest in reconciliation.

If the stubborn person crosses your path you are to bless those who curse you, but you are not required to seek them out to be their friend.

2 Thessalonians 3:6
"Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to keep away from any brother who leads an undisciplined life that is not in keeping with the tradition you received from us."

2 Thessalonians 3:14
"Take note of anyone who does not obey the instructions we have given in this letter. Do not associate with him, so that he may be ashamed."

Did you see that in the last verse? "Do not associate with him, so that other may be ashamed."

The entire culture has become weak and miserly because it has been taught to give no one consequences and to keep "feelings" far more important than justice and cleansing from sin.

Without confession of sin there can be no changing. No one can grow who refuses to admit growth is needed.

You can say; "I forgave him" but it does nothing of value except for temporary feelings of self exaltation. So then who is that kind of forgiveness for, it is for self without regard for what is good for the offender.