Questions one might ask someone confronting us with our flaws: "thank you for bringing this to my attention, what specifically are you're referring to?" when they say you are this or you are that.
The next question to ask is "can you please give me specific things I did with details that made you upset with me?"
If someone really does want to work things out they will freely give details and explanations. However, if you have not done anything worthy of being called names or negative descriptions of your character, the accuser will always speak in generalities without specifics.
I have actually been confronted by one person who said I was a mean-spirited person, this was many years ago. When I asked them what specifically I did that was mean-spirited they replied with this; "I just can't talk to you."
When something like this happens you know you have not done anything that would be called "mean-spirited" but they want you to believe you are a bad person.
Honest people coming to us with legitimate grievances will tell the details, doing it in a loving way with a desire to reconcile the relationship. Unkind accusing people without legitimate grievances have only one goal, which is to demean and intimidate, it's about power over you, not a legitimate desire to resolve a problem.
When we meet with this form of accusation it might be wise to simply say; "when you are ready, to be honest, open, and detailed I would love to talk with you." Then let it go and move on. There is no value in mud-slinging without a desire to resolve a problem.
Sadly there are few people left in the world who care about others. The only goal of most people is to dominate, control be superior to anyone who will allow it.
God does not operate like this, He does not dominate or demean, He gives us choices and blesses us with wisdom when we honor Him enough to listen to Him and carry out His will.
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