Should I Offer Forgiveness Without Repentance

By Allison Stevens

Unconditional forgiveness is canceling a debt to all those who intentionally offend us, whether or not they own up to what they have done. Offering forgiveness without repentance, however, does not follow the biblical model of forgiveness (Luke 17:3,4).


The Bible says that we are to forgive as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). God forgives us when we repent (Mark 1:15,Luke 13:3,5, Acts 3:19). He does not grant forgiveness to those of us who are stiff-necked and refuse to repent. We must recognize our sin and repent to receive and enjoy God’s merciful forgiveness. God requires repentance and so must we.


Repentance is important because it’s a person’s only hope for real change (Matthew 18:3; Acts 26:20). If we don’t admit our sin, it’s impossible to be transformed. If we aren’t keenly aware of the sinful direction our lives are going, we will not see a need to adjust the direction. Repentance demonstrates that we need God to help us change our thinking, attitudes, and behavior.


An unrepentant person maintains a sense of control over his life through pride, which can lead to destruction, violence, and animosity (Proverbs 8:13; 16:18; 29:23). Turning toward God (repentance) is necessary to break the cycle of destructive behaviors and patterns of relating to others. If as believers we don’t require repentance on the part of the offender, we stand in the way of that person’s coming to see his need for God and experiencing His forgiveness. To put it simply, forgiveness is a two-way process: repentance on the part of the offender and pardon on the part of the offended.


When only one part of the forgiveness process takes place, the hurt felt by the offended one can lead to hatred, bitterness, and desire for revenge. Because we desperately want relief from the gnawing desire to get even, we can be tempted to let an issue go, or “forgive” without ever confronting the person or waiting for him to show remorse.


It’s wrong, however, to assume that if we don’t forgive someone, we’ll be weighed down with hatred, bitterness, and revengeful desires. That’s not necessarily true because the Bible says we are to love a person regardless of whether or not he or she shows any remorse. We can love our enemies1, but continue to have an unsettled issue with them. In many cases, it is more loving to withhold forgiveness until a change of heart is demonstrated than it is to offer forgiveness without the offender’s acknowledgment of deliberate wrongdoing.


Instead of giving in to revenge, we can soften our hearts toward those who have hurt us when we humbly admit that we, too, have hurt others. It is only by God’s grace that we can enjoy His goodness toward us at all. Just as important, we can have faith that God will avenge if it is necessary (Leviticus 19:18, Romans 12:19-21) and that He will hold each of us accountable (Romans 14:12; Hebrews 4:13 ). We don’t need to worry because our pain doesn’t go unnoticed by our Lord (Psalm 147:3). With that frame of mind, we can demonstrate a deeper trust in God and be led to pray for those who’ve hurt us.


Yes, an unconditional pardon can be granted without the offender ever knowing they’ve hurt us. But this one-sided “forgiveness” is not in our best interest, nor in the best interest of the person who hurt us. It devalues the significance of repentance and robs both the offender and us of the opportunity to grow in Christ.An enemy can be defined as one who intentionally hurts us, is destructive, and can’t be trusted because of his or her lack of remorse. Unconditional forgiveness implies that our response to our enemies should be to offer a pardon with no response on the part of the offender. The Bible teaches, however, that we should respond to our enemies in love (Matthew 5:44). Scripture does not teach that we need to forgive our enemies. Instead, we should love them and pray for them. Love and forgiveness are not synonymous.


The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is the healing of a relationship. This healing occurs only when the offender repents and demonstrates remorse and the offended one grants a pardon and demonstrates loving acceptance.

Should I Offer Forgiveness Without Repentance

By Allison Stevens

Unconditional forgiveness is canceling a debt to all those who intentionally offend us, whether or not they own up to what they have done. Offering forgiveness without repentance, however, does not follow the biblical model of forgiveness (Luke 17:3,4).

The Bible says that we are to forgive as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). God forgives us when we repent (Mark 1:15,Luke 13:3,5, Acts 3:19). He does not grant forgiveness to those of us who are stiff-necked and refuse to repent. We must recognize our sin and repent to receive and enjoy God’s merciful forgiveness. God requires repentance and so must we.

Repentance is important because it’s a person’s only hope for real change (Matthew 18:3; Acts 26:20). If we don’t admit our sin, it’s impossible to be transformed. If we aren’t keenly aware of the sinful direction our lives are going, we will not see a need to adjust the direction. Repentance demonstrates that we need God to help us change our thinking, attitudes, and behavior.

An unrepentant person maintains a sense of control over his life through pride, which can lead to destruction, violence, and animosity (Proverbs 8:13; 16:18; 29:23). Turning toward God (repentance) is necessary to break the cycle of destructive behaviors and patterns of relating to others. If as believers we don’t require repentance on the part of the offender, we stand in the way of that person’s coming to see his need for God and experiencing His forgiveness. To put it simply, forgiveness is a two-way process: repentance on the part of the offender and pardon on the part of the offended.

When only one part of the forgiveness process takes place, the hurt felt by the offended one can lead to hatred, bitterness, and desire for revenge. Because we desperately want relief from the gnawing desire to get even, we can be tempted to let an issue go, or “forgive” without ever confronting the person or waiting for him to show remorse.

It’s wrong, however, to assume that if we don’t forgive someone, we’ll be weighed down with hatred, bitterness, and revengeful desires. That’s not necessarily true because the Bible says we are to love a person regardless of whether or not he or she shows any remorse. We can love our enemies¹, but continue to have an unsettled issue with them. In many cases, it is more loving to withhold forgiveness until a change of heart is demonstrated than it is to offer forgiveness without the offender’s acknowledgment of deliberate wrongdoing.

Instead of giving in to revenge, we can soften our hearts toward those who have hurt us when we humbly admit that we, too, have hurt others. It is only by God’s grace that we can enjoy His goodness toward us at all. Just as important, we can have faith that God will avenge if it is necessary (Leviticus 19:18, Romans 12:19-21) and that He will hold each of us accountable (Romans 14:12; Hebrews 4:13 ). We don’t need to worry because our pain doesn’t go unnoticed by our Lord (Psalm 147:3). With that frame of mind, we can demonstrate a deeper trust in God and be led to pray for those who’ve hurt us.

Yes, an unconditional pardon can be granted without the offender ever knowing they’ve hurt us. But this one-sided “forgiveness” is not in our best interest, nor in the best interest of the person who hurt us. It devalues the significance of repentance and robs both the offender and us of the opportunity to grow in Christ.

An enemy can be defined as one who intentionally hurts us, is destructive, and can’t be trusted because of his or her lack of remorse. Unconditional forgiveness implies that our response to our enemies should be to offer a pardon with no response on the part of the offender. The Bible teaches, however, that we should respond to our enemies in love (Matthew 5:44). Scripture does not teach that we need to forgive our enemies. Instead, we should love them and pray for them. Love and forgiveness are not synonymous. 

The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is the healing of a relationship. This healing occurs only when the offender repents and demonstrates remorse and the offended one grants a pardon and demonstrates loving acceptance.

Signs of Our Times

It is interesting to note that our relationship with the Lord can be model of our human relationships. If we walk in pride and aloofness toward our fellow human being, very likely we think that we deserve the goodness of God. Christ made it clear that no one deserves anything but condemnation. It is only through the shed blood of Christ and His dwelling in us that we can be loving and kind to another human being.

When we are self focused instead of Christ focused our relationships with others will be based on what we can get out of them rather than what we can offer them, personal expectations toward others rule our thinking. And, that is the picture and operation we have with our Lord. A self focus will cause us to see God as our servant and puppet to do our bidding. We will be materialistic, protecting whatever is ours and getting as much out of life as we can no matter who it may inconvenience or harm. These people have difficulty admitting their sin to God or to anyone. They spend their time justifying the hurt they have caused and running from the solution.

When we are Christ focused, we will see others as objects of our love, seeking to obey Christ in our love and service to them. Our first thoughts will be how to help or please them. Our possessions belong to God, and we will love to share them. We share our time, our things and our thoughts. We will not be requiring actions, thoughts or convictions to meet our expectations, but we will find ways to meet the desires of others. We will also want the best for our friends in terms of their spiritual needs. Do we praise them when they need a word of correction, do we harshly rebuke them when their only crime is to fail to meet our expectations.

When we love Christ our focus will be His will in our life and the lives of those we love. We will desire their good over our pleasure. We will rejoice when our friends obey God and weep when they disobey Him.

We will encourage our friends with all aspects of God's love. When patience is required we will do that according to the leading of the Holy Spirit. When a spanking is needed we will obey the Holy Spirit and administer correction. The goal is to help our friends to see God's will and not ours. Our goal is to help our friends to become more holy and to let them administer the same kind of love to us.

Relationships are not based on superficial enjoyment of life, but on mutual growth, working through problems and desiring reconciliation. To run from a problem simply to avoid conflict is not Christ like.

There are times when we draw back from a friend, because we see the hostility in their hearts and we can not get them to listen until the Lord has broken their hearts and prepared them for the message. The prodigal son is a picture of this. The Father loved his son, but saw that attempting to talk him out of his foolishness was an exercise in futility, so he gave his son what he wanted and left him in the Lord's hands.

We have little faith when we think we have to do something to fix a matter. Greater faith is exhibited when we step back, trust the Lord and remain in prayer.

I was grateful the day the Lord imparted this principle to me. The burden of having to continually explain myself to someone who would not listen was removed and I walk in freedom. I desire that same freedom for others who find themselves in relationships that seem impossible. God can do it better than we can and sometimes, even more often these days, we must step out of God's way to let Him work.

We live in a rebellious, arrogant society that mocks the wisdom of their elders and curses their father and their mother. Proverbs 30:11 "There is a generation that curses its father, and does not bless its mother. There is a generation that is pure in it's own eyes, Yet it is not washed from its' filthiness."

The Lord told us this would happen in the end times when He said in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 "But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such turn away."

This is a sorrowful verse, because of its implications for our lives. Many many people who did the best they could to raise their children to love Christ, in their imperfections they still loved Him, but their children are loving their fun, freedom and self righteousness more than they love God , and I am not describing the non-believer, but the believing children. They have lost their way because the pull of the world has been too strong and they have created in their hearts a god of their own making. A god of indulgence, pride and disregard for anyone but themselves.
 
Our only hope and our best hope is that the Lord do a mighty work in their hearts, that He take them through whatever is necessary to show them their wickedness and cause them to bend their knee to a holy God in repentance.

Keep looking up, He is coming soon and very soon!

God Hears Even Our Unspoken Desires!

Angels visited our church,  an experience I once had in a little chapel near our home. Our little group of 10+ people had dwindled to four people, my husband and myself and one other elderly couple. There had been several deaths in the group over the past 10 years and we were the youngest of the worshipers when the gathering disbanded. One Sunday I was feeling very sad at the empty building that had once been vibrant with worshipers more than 60 years ago. As I sat in the pew with my husband and the other couple, I began to tear up over the emptiness of the pews, questioning God, "where are the worshipers?" I grieved for a time as I prayed for the Lord to fill the pews, realizing that it probably would not happen that day. Then suddenly I heard the back door open and close, I heard the sound of foot steps and rustling of benches as if there were people filing into them. Not wanting to disrupt anyone else I resisted the urge to turn a look at who was entering the pews. Then I heard it again, the door opening and the rustling of bodies filling up the pews. This time I looked, then our elderly friend looked, then my husband looked, we all heard the sounds, but as we turned in curiosity we found still empty pews. I began to weep even more as I realized God had seen my anguish and sent angels to join us. We couldn't see the bodies, but we could feel the love. I worshiped that day, more than I have ever worshiped, praising Him for sending others to be with us in our service, others who loved Him, others who have seen Him. I will always remember that day because of the love I felt. The Lord had not answered a prayer, He had fulfilled an unspoken desire for more worshipers in the little chapel on the hill. Hallelujah!!!

Let Them Go and Watch Them Grow

http://www.maritalhealing.com/conflicts/controllingspouse.php

Controlling people are unhappy people.  When we learn to let others fly according to their personal characteristics under the control of the Holy Spirit, we then can enjoy them much more.  When we can take our focus off of ourselves and let another person flourish creatively, we will have a greater happiness.  

It is a matter of faith, letting go of our spouse to grow in their own way as we reap the benefits of their growth.  If we can think in terms of them as half of us, the half that holds a different and exciting personality that enhances us if we do not interfere with it.  

When we selfishly guard every movement of those we love, we tend to stifle their creativity, growth and intimacy with us.  To resolve to enjoy the way God made our spouse and let them fly freely, they will ascend to new heights as they move through life using their gifts and talents while at the same time enhancing the entire marriage experience by their blooms.  

This kind of marriage takes self sacrifice and unselfishness.  A marriage that is in chains to one of the spouses wants, is a marriage doomed to hardship and resentment.   Do we want our spouses to have to continually struggle to avoid their resentment, because of the bondage they feel in the union.  Or, do we want our spouse to feel free to express themselves and in so doing grow closer to us.  

Bondage never reaps closeness.  that is why the Lord Jesus Christ never forces us to be what He wants us to be, but freely gives us what He desires, when we want it.   The best way to endear someone to ourselves is to let them go and watch them grow.  Then we will be truly happy and our joy will be full from their accomplishment.

http://www.maritalhealing.com/conflicts/controllingspouse.php

The Love of The Lord Jesus Christ

Unsaved people can do the things that the Lord tells believers to do and have a sense of pride about it.  This is not the love that Christ is describing in the entirety of His Word.  His love is much deeper and flows from the richness of His very being.  His love leaps at the presence of another believer who loves Him and possesses His Holy Spirit.  

It is not a superficial friendliness that we can experience in any secular gathering, but a devotion to those who are not only like minded but share the radical allegiance to a Holy God that only those who walk closely with Him can experience. This oneness of Spirit transcends superficial friendly chatter.  

The desire to share the truths of the Word and bathe in the wisdom of God is overwhelming at times.  One has to wonder about the dryness that overtakes most of our "fellowship" gatherings, when the songs are sung in a utilitarian and mundane low tone, and the enthusiasm that should overtake us as we worship Him is absent. We have to wonder where that love of the Lord is hiding.  

Friendliness does not constitute fellowship and happiness is not evidence of the joy of the Lord.  Emotionalism does not reveal spirituality, but enthusiasm for the Lord is evident everywhere we go and with whomever we are visiting, especially those who possess the Holy Spirit.  There can be no greater fellowship between those of like mind than the melding of the Holy Spirit within each believer with each other believer.  

When there is competition, apathy, pride, arrogance and guarded hiding, there is worldliness.  When we have been made free by the blood of our Savior, we can be transparent, honest and open.  There is bondage in the superficial rote of mechanical Christianity but freedom and faith among those who have left their own way to follow the way of the Master.

We must ask ourselves if we are Christians who care to appear spiritual but will not submit to the Lord, still wanting to control our own Spirituality, or are we believers who wish to let go of our "image", our false spirituality, which we display to others for self glorification.  We must let go of our false way, to trust and follow Christ.  He is not interested in our image, but our love and devotion.  He said clearly that He does not want our sacrifice but our heart.  

Personal relationships with other believers is the same, we do not desire random acts of kindness out of duty, but everything done out of the love of Christ that dwells deep within our souls. That love ultimately glorifies God.  The other kind of superficial devotion out of duty glorifies self and tends to be expectation oriented.

To trust Christ means to let go of our own way and follow His.  It's all there in the Book, in case we are not sure what it looks like.  But that is not enough, we must ask the Holy Spirit to show us what we need to see that we may be blinded to, and then He will show us.

Emotions Were Given To Us By God

John 22:39-44

"And coming out, He went to the Mount of Olives, as He was accustomed, and His disciples also followed Him. When He came to the place, He said to them, 'Pray that you may not enter into temptation' And He was withdrawn from them about a stones throw and He knelt down and prayed, saying 'Father, if it is Your will, remove this cup from Me, nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.' Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. And His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground..."

Even our Lord Jesus Christ had emotions in His fully human and fully God state.  He suffered everything that we have and more as human beings.  We do not need to pretend we have no emotions in order to appear more spiritual than anyone else. We are free to express our emotions as we trust Him through them.  

God said that we were to "weep with those who weep and laugh with those who laugh."  We are to share in the difficulties and the joys of our Christian brothers and sisters.  God says that we do not have the spirit of fear, this is true, but that does not mean that we never feel fear if we are spiritual.  We give those fears to the Lord and proceed in obedience in spite of them.  We do not walk a lifestyle of fearfulness; we know where we are going and Who is in charge.

Fear is an emotion, we feel happiness over good things that happen to us and we feel sadness or fear over difficult things, this is the human condition and while Christ was on the earth He too experienced fear and sadness, but obeyed the Father anyway.  That is our challenge, to obey in spite of our emotions.  

There are those who would tell you that if you fear you do not have faith and you are sinning.  This could not be farthest from the truth.  God sometimes takes away our fears and other times He leaves them in tact to strengthen our resolve to obey Him in spite of whatever we must go through.  There is no faith required to do a thing if it has no fear or difficulty in the process.  Faith is demonstrated when we obey no matter what we may have to endure.  Faith is present through the tears, fear and danger; this is the mark of a spiritual believer, one who obeys no matter what the feelings are.  

Feelings are emotions, God gave them to us, but they are not indicators of our spirituality.  Our actions and heart attitudes are the real indicators not the feelings.  

If we were not to have the feeling of fear, then we would not have the feeling of happiness, joy or peace.  These are all a part of the equation in the Christians life.  If we should deny any of them then we would have to deny all of them, the joy, happiness and peace too, not just the fear and sadness.  

Such silliness in thinking that we are not spiritual if we admit our feelings.  Those who are prideful and want to pretend that they are more spiritual than others by denying feelings, a natural experience of the human condition, are in a sense lying.  They claim that if we are walking in faith we never feel fear, disappointment or sadness, but they like to embrace the other feelings of happiness, joy and peace.  Did God make a mistake when He gave us all these feelings, did He not mean it when He says He catches all our tears in a bottle.  Did He lie to us when He said "with great wisdom comes great sorrow."   

If we love God, the closer we walk with Him and grow in holiness the worse the sin in the world around us will appear. God told us to focus on Him and His principles, the more we do that the blacker the world looks and the more we are grieved over what we see.  

The deep down joy that the Lord gives us never leaves us because He lives in us, but the emotions still play a large roll in the shaping of our character.  How can a friend ever display tenderness and compassion if we are expected to never need their comfort.  God clearly stated that we should comfort one another in our troubles.  If sadness and fear were unspiritual then our Lord would have never wept over Jerusalem.  He would have never shed tears like great drops of blood at Gethsemane, nor would he have felt a sense of betrayal from Judas.  He felt all of that just as we feel those things when are faced with this life.  

Our comfort to one another should be, "we can get through this together with Christ."  Never should we intimate to a broken and bleeding soul that they are being unspiritual for having feelings.  When we share an emotion with our brother or sister we are showing the greatest kind of love, Christ's kind of love.