When God commanded that those who are considering marriage to someone, He was very clear that we are not to be unequally yoked.
When there are two oxen yoked together pulling a wagon, they must pull together. They must be going in the same direction with the same purpose.
When the team of oxen are commanded to turn to the right, one of the oxen will lead in that direction, when the oxen are commanded to turn in the other direction the other oxen takes the lead.
The pair work together, both leading as they pull in a straight line and each taking their turn to lead in the terns.
A marriage is a team, the wife has been assigned to be the keeper of the home, while the husband is the protector, each submitting to one another as there is need.
No one person in a marriage has all the answers or insight necessary to make a marriage successful. Each must be able to speak openly and honestly to one another with out anyone walking on egg shells fearing the response of the other.
If one person is intimidating to manipulate the other into submission continually, then the one who intimidates is sinning and the couple do not grow in righteousness and holiness, they both remain stagnant.
Each person in the marriage must take their roles very seriously, each one communicating their need to one another without fear of reprisal.
There are those in cults who are teaching that the woman is a second class citizen and should be treated as an underling rather than a partner in life. This is sinful and damaging to any marriage.
Both parties in the marriage must give and take, listen and speak to make the marriage and household run smoothly.
Yes, the man is the head of the household, but he should never be a dictator, he should lead by the way that he serves and he should lead with loving concern about those he has been charged to protect and encourage.
I have known selfish men who think leading is merely barking orders in a range boss tone of voice to intimidate the family members into whatever he wants, this too is sin.
Women should take seriously their duty to care for the needs of the household. She runs the household the way a CEO of a company would do it. The job was given to her by God, her husband should not dictate how she does that job, nor should he micromanage her job.
He makes requests according to his need and others in the household and the woman works to please him. The wife works at the pleasure of her husband but she does not take orders.
Proverbs 31 is a good place to start for the role of the woman.
1 Peter 3:1-12 gives standards for the husband and wife relationship.
"3 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right [b]without being frightened by any fear.
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
8 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;
9 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
10 For, “The one who desires life, to love and see good days,
Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.
11 “He must turn away from evil and do good;
He must seek peace and pursue it.
12 “For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous,
And His ears attend to their prayer,
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
Remember every one should submit to every one else, that makes for an harmonious family life. No one will do this perfectly, if you see a family who looks perfect, sort of the poster children for the perfect family, then there is a lot of hiding going on. Every family has troubles and trials, pretending perfection serves only to deny truth leaving no room for learning from mistakes or growth spurts.
Wives are told to submit to husbands, it is their choice, no one forces or intimidates them into submission.
Ephesians 5:21-30
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones."
Let's not forget that people generally learn far more through watching the example than they do by words. It is easy to see a hypocrite who acts selfishly but demands of others what the hypocrite would not do themselves.
There is an old saying that goes like this; "your actions speak so loud I can't hear a word your saying.
There are those who demand that their families submit to their authority but the hypocrite will not submit to anyone else. When we have love in our hearts it is not our desire to force everyone to do things our way, we appreciate the diversity of gifts in each family member and rejoice in their accomplishments.
When there is love there is room for negotiation so that often there can be a "win win."
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Grateful for Christ
We ought to be thanking the Lord every day, that we do not need the validation of people to feel fulfilled and joyful. Christ does that in us continually, no matter what we endure in this life.
The Hammered Rock
A Sister on another post shared this, I thought it was a good example of the unseen damage that is done by those who are injuring us a little at a time, death by a thousand cuts, thinking that their actions and attitudes are really just little things, most of the time they don't even think about what they are doing, they become habits.
"Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before." ~Jacob A. Riis
Trust is removed over a long period of time in which the friend or relative have engaged in mocking, minimizing and devaluing their target. When trust has been destroyed over a period of many years, there is very often no way of getting it back.
Perhaps it would be good to evaluate how we treat people, before we engage in attitudes of superiority that causes us chip away at the relationship.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"9 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.
11 Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?
12 And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."
Micah 7:5-6
"Put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms; for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies are the men of his own house."
When we find a friend who can be trusted we have found a great treasure. Their desire is to help us be the best that we can be, accepting us as we are, even enjoying our talents and gifts.
May we be this kind of friend to those the Lord brings in our path.
"Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before." ~Jacob A. Riis
Trust is removed over a long period of time in which the friend or relative have engaged in mocking, minimizing and devaluing their target. When trust has been destroyed over a period of many years, there is very often no way of getting it back.
Perhaps it would be good to evaluate how we treat people, before we engage in attitudes of superiority that causes us chip away at the relationship.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"9 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.
11 Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?
12 And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."
Micah 7:5-6
"Put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms; for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies are the men of his own house."
When we find a friend who can be trusted we have found a great treasure. Their desire is to help us be the best that we can be, accepting us as we are, even enjoying our talents and gifts.
May we be this kind of friend to those the Lord brings in our path.
Mark 8:34-36
"34 And He summoned the crowd with His disciples, and said to them, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.
35 For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it.
36 For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?"
35 For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it.
36 For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?"
The future for Israel
Zephaniah 3:14-16 "14 Shout for joy, O daughter of Zion! Shout in triumph, O Israel! Rejoice and exult with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem! 15 The LORD has taken away His judgments against you, He has cleared away your enemies. The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst; You will fear disaster no more. 16 In that day it will be said to Jerusalem: "Do not be afraid, O Zion; Do not let your hands fall limp.…"
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
It's What's in the Heart that Counts
What comes out of people is what is in people.
If there is love in someone's heart there are kind deeds and empathy for others.
If there is deceit and greed in the heart, there is bullying and self righteousness. Greed does not have to be about money, often it is greedy in the need for superiority.
Matthew 15:18-19 "18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these things defile a man. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, and slander.…"
Rude people depend on their target to be rude back.
1 Peter 3:9 "9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."
Our Attempts to stop the abuse by using force and intimidation doesn't work with bullies, it merely feeds them like candy to a baby.
Romans 12:19-20
"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Psalm 1:1-150:6
"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; ..."
Proverbs 1:7-8 "7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction. 8 Hear, my son, your father's instruction And do not forsake your mother's teaching;"
1 John 2:9 "Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness."
It is important that we do not become like the bully just because the bully hurt us. If the bully will not stop their bullying, then we need to remove ourselves so as not to learn the ways of the bully.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Proverbs 4:13-14 "…13 Take hold of instruction; do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life. 14 Do not enter the path of the wicked And do not proceed in the way of evil men. 15 Avoid it, do not pass by it; Turn away from it and pass on.…"
After removing ourselves, it it is possible, sometimes it is not possible, then we must learn other Biblical ways of dealing with them. If it is possible do it, then we begin to pray for them, and for ourselves that we not become angry or bitter, this is what the bully wants to achieve. If they can make us act badly, it makes them feel justified in their attacks, it is a strange way for the bully to think, but is very true.
If there is love in someone's heart there are kind deeds and empathy for others.
If there is deceit and greed in the heart, there is bullying and self righteousness. Greed does not have to be about money, often it is greedy in the need for superiority.
Matthew 15:18-19 "18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these things defile a man. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, and slander.…"
Rude people depend on their target to be rude back.
1 Peter 3:9 "9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."
Our Attempts to stop the abuse by using force and intimidation doesn't work with bullies, it merely feeds them like candy to a baby.
Romans 12:19-20
"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Psalm 1:1-150:6
"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; ..."
Proverbs 1:7-8 "7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction. 8 Hear, my son, your father's instruction And do not forsake your mother's teaching;"
1 John 2:9 "Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness."
It is important that we do not become like the bully just because the bully hurt us. If the bully will not stop their bullying, then we need to remove ourselves so as not to learn the ways of the bully.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Proverbs 4:13-14 "…13 Take hold of instruction; do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life. 14 Do not enter the path of the wicked And do not proceed in the way of evil men. 15 Avoid it, do not pass by it; Turn away from it and pass on.…"
After removing ourselves, it it is possible, sometimes it is not possible, then we must learn other Biblical ways of dealing with them. If it is possible do it, then we begin to pray for them, and for ourselves that we not become angry or bitter, this is what the bully wants to achieve. If they can make us act badly, it makes them feel justified in their attacks, it is a strange way for the bully to think, but is very true.
Contention is Wickedness
Contentious people see every conversation as a competition and a battle to be won. It is impossible to have a decent conversation with a person like this. When we see this happening it is wise to remove yourself calmly and seek to avoid this person in the future.
Proverbs 27:22-23 " 22 Though you pound a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, Yet his foolishness will not depart from him. 23 Know well the condition of your flocks, And pay attention to your herds;…"
Proverbs 18:5-6 "…5 To show partiality to the wicked is not good, Nor to thrust aside the righteous in judgment. 6 A fool's lips bring strife, And his mouth calls for blows. 7 A fool's mouth is his ruin, And his lips are the snare of his soul.…"
Proverbs 20:3 "Avoiding strife brings a man honor, but every fool is quarrelsome."
Proverbs 18:6-7
"6 A fool’s lips bring strife, And his mouth calls for blows.
7 A fool’s mouth is his ruin, And his lips are the snare of his soul."
Proverbs 27:22-23 " 22 Though you pound a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, Yet his foolishness will not depart from him. 23 Know well the condition of your flocks, And pay attention to your herds;…"
Proverbs 18:5-6 "…5 To show partiality to the wicked is not good, Nor to thrust aside the righteous in judgment. 6 A fool's lips bring strife, And his mouth calls for blows. 7 A fool's mouth is his ruin, And his lips are the snare of his soul.…"
Proverbs 20:3 "Avoiding strife brings a man honor, but every fool is quarrelsome."
Proverbs 18:6-7
"6 A fool’s lips bring strife, And his mouth calls for blows.
7 A fool’s mouth is his ruin, And his lips are the snare of his soul."
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