Friday, June 13, 2025
Imature Ways of Thinking According to Dr. David Hawkins
Imature ways of thinking: according to Dr. David Hawkins. His insights are correct on these things, well worth paying attention to.
1. All or nothing, black or white thinking. Others are always the problem in the relationship.
2. Entitlement Thinking: Expectations of special treatment. They are a cut above others. Attitude of superiority! Judgmental, demanding, and prosecutorial. (I added, never apologizing for anything)
3. Denying responsibility and externalizing blame.
4. Grandiose fantasies, Exaggerated sense of success and power.
5. Minimization of others, Dissmissiveness and neglectfulness of others, ( I added, excluding those who don't measure up to their idea of good enough.)
6. Emotional Reasoning: "If I feel neglected, I was neglected."
"If I feel hurt, so you did something wrong to me." "If I'm upset you did something to me." (I added, "if I feel embarrassed, you must have done something foolish.")
7. Projection: accusing others of what the narcissist is doing, but the others are not. (I added, they believe everyone else thinks like them, since they are acting this way, you must also be acting this way.)
8. Catastrophizing Criticism, over-the-top, exaggerated reactions to minor criticism. They can't handle any criticism at all on any level without defensiveness. They are easily and deeply wounded.
9. Selective memory, Playing dumb, or Gaslighting,
10. An assumption of malice, they assume ill motives when there were none. They assume we are acting in ways to try to hurt them. (I added, perhaps they know they are trying to hurt others, so they think others are doing it to them.)
11. Over-generalization, always and never are used about everything.
12. Inability to tolerate what they perceive as weakness, failure, and do not accept vulnerability. They will rarely, if ever, talk about how they were hurt for something wrong they did. They cannot admit flaws in themselves.
Narcissism is largely emotional immaturity.
Unquote
My personal thoughts:
These thinking errors are what drive attitudes and actions that affect relationships. When these things are not resolved, a relationship remains broken. Not only the relationship but the quality of the narcissist's joy and happiness is minimized if not destroyed.
Only Christ can change the character and bad habits of those who are trapped in narcissism. Unless Christ changes the character, a change is very likely not permanent. Even if some things are resolved, they will continually crop up from time to time because it was not Christ Who did the changing.
Psalm 127
"Unless the Lord Builds the House
A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon.
127 Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain."
1. All or nothing, black or white thinking. Others are always the problem in the relationship.
2. Entitlement Thinking: Expectations of special treatment. They are a cut above others. Attitude of superiority! Judgmental, demanding, and prosecutorial. (I added, never apologizing for anything)
3. Denying responsibility and externalizing blame.
4. Grandiose fantasies, Exaggerated sense of success and power.
5. Minimization of others, Dissmissiveness and neglectfulness of others, ( I added, excluding those who don't measure up to their idea of good enough.)
6. Emotional Reasoning: "If I feel neglected, I was neglected."
"If I feel hurt, so you did something wrong to me." "If I'm upset you did something to me." (I added, "if I feel embarrassed, you must have done something foolish.")
7. Projection: accusing others of what the narcissist is doing, but the others are not. (I added, they believe everyone else thinks like them, since they are acting this way, you must also be acting this way.)
8. Catastrophizing Criticism, over-the-top, exaggerated reactions to minor criticism. They can't handle any criticism at all on any level without defensiveness. They are easily and deeply wounded.
9. Selective memory, Playing dumb, or Gaslighting,
10. An assumption of malice, they assume ill motives when there were none. They assume we are acting in ways to try to hurt them. (I added, perhaps they know they are trying to hurt others, so they think others are doing it to them.)
11. Over-generalization, always and never are used about everything.
12. Inability to tolerate what they perceive as weakness, failure, and do not accept vulnerability. They will rarely, if ever, talk about how they were hurt for something wrong they did. They cannot admit flaws in themselves.
Narcissism is largely emotional immaturity.
Unquote
My personal thoughts:
These thinking errors are what drive attitudes and actions that affect relationships. When these things are not resolved, a relationship remains broken. Not only the relationship but the quality of the narcissist's joy and happiness is minimized if not destroyed.
Only Christ can change the character and bad habits of those who are trapped in narcissism. Unless Christ changes the character, a change is very likely not permanent. Even if some things are resolved, they will continually crop up from time to time because it was not Christ Who did the changing.
Psalm 127
"Unless the Lord Builds the House
A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon.
127 Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain."
Hurting People Don't Hurt People, Mean People Hurt People
I have never believed "hurt people hurt people" because many people I have known who were hurt by family were actually kinder than those who were mean and rude to them, because they didn't like it. We choose the character and mentality we like. Those who are using ill-treatment as an excuse to be mean to others are pretending they deserve to be rude and mean because someone did it to them.
Think about it, does being rude and mean to those who have not harmed you because someone else was mean and rude to you make any sense at all? It makes more sense to feel revenge toward the person who did the harm if one is predisposed to revenge.
Saying "hurt people hurt people" is like saying, if we are to be logical, "those who have been treated well treat others well." I know this is not true. I have met many people who were treated very well, who enjoy dominating and abusing others. How we treat people is a choice; no excuses will fly with me.
I have also met people who take a minor comment that was meant to bless and turn it around, pretending it was wrong to say, merely because they didn't like the person with whom they were conversing.
People who are kind will often draw to them the abusers who manipulate and exploit their kindness. Mean people seek out people to control; if they cannot control someone, they will move on to someone else they think they can control.
And, worse yet, when an abuser discovers they cannot control someone, they will gossip to turn others against them. Abusers always need someone on their side; they must have followers who validate their bad behavior.
Confusion is the goal of those who emotionally and spiritually abuse. They use covert means to disregard someone who is predisposed to thinking the best of others. Those who are abused often doubt what is happening because they cannot conceive of ever being nasty and cruel to anyone, so they think someone else "must not have meant that" or "maybe I heard that wrong."
God has given us commands about love and kindness because we have a choice to be righteous or to be unrighteous. No one is automatically anything based on instinct or manipulation from others.
There are cultural and genetic aspects of character flaws, but they can be overcome with Christ. When He changes us into a new creation, He gives us the ability to be what we should be because of His Holy Spirit in us.
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!".
Ephesians 2:1-3 "1 And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, 2 in which you used to walk when you conformed to the ways of this world and of the ruler of the power of the air, the spirit who is now at work in the sons of disobedience. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, fulfilling the cravings of our flesh and indulging its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature children of wrath.…"
There is an irrational and childlike mentality that walks according to their immature fleshly nature. Often, people like this learn over the years what works in the culture and what does not, so they modify themselves to fit in. However, as they grow old, they stop caring if they fit in and regress to their authentic self, controlled by their flesh and the devil.
Those who follow their hearts or their cultural norms instead of Christ will be led into reactions according to their feelings instead of rational thinking that leads to reasoned actions or words. In other words, they are at the mercy of their sinful nature and the ploys of the devil.
It is not true that "hurt people hurt people" any more than "people who are treated well automatically treat others well." People operate according to the heart bent, whether loving and kind or hateful and mean. They choose every day to rise from their beds and be who they choose to be.
2 Corinthians 4:4
"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God."
1 John 5:19
"We know that we are of God, and that the whole world is under the power of the evil one."
Colossians 3:6-7
"Because of these, the wrath of God is coming on the sons of disobedience. When you lived among them, you also used to walk in these ways."
The wrath of God is on the disobedience because of their choice to reject Christ, and His blessing is on the born-again believer because of their choice to be changed by Christ.
It's all about our choices!!!!
Think about it, does being rude and mean to those who have not harmed you because someone else was mean and rude to you make any sense at all? It makes more sense to feel revenge toward the person who did the harm if one is predisposed to revenge.
Saying "hurt people hurt people" is like saying, if we are to be logical, "those who have been treated well treat others well." I know this is not true. I have met many people who were treated very well, who enjoy dominating and abusing others. How we treat people is a choice; no excuses will fly with me.
I have also met people who take a minor comment that was meant to bless and turn it around, pretending it was wrong to say, merely because they didn't like the person with whom they were conversing.
People who are kind will often draw to them the abusers who manipulate and exploit their kindness. Mean people seek out people to control; if they cannot control someone, they will move on to someone else they think they can control.
And, worse yet, when an abuser discovers they cannot control someone, they will gossip to turn others against them. Abusers always need someone on their side; they must have followers who validate their bad behavior.
Confusion is the goal of those who emotionally and spiritually abuse. They use covert means to disregard someone who is predisposed to thinking the best of others. Those who are abused often doubt what is happening because they cannot conceive of ever being nasty and cruel to anyone, so they think someone else "must not have meant that" or "maybe I heard that wrong."
God has given us commands about love and kindness because we have a choice to be righteous or to be unrighteous. No one is automatically anything based on instinct or manipulation from others.
There are cultural and genetic aspects of character flaws, but they can be overcome with Christ. When He changes us into a new creation, He gives us the ability to be what we should be because of His Holy Spirit in us.
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!".
Ephesians 2:1-3 "1 And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, 2 in which you used to walk when you conformed to the ways of this world and of the ruler of the power of the air, the spirit who is now at work in the sons of disobedience. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, fulfilling the cravings of our flesh and indulging its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature children of wrath.…"
There is an irrational and childlike mentality that walks according to their immature fleshly nature. Often, people like this learn over the years what works in the culture and what does not, so they modify themselves to fit in. However, as they grow old, they stop caring if they fit in and regress to their authentic self, controlled by their flesh and the devil.
Those who follow their hearts or their cultural norms instead of Christ will be led into reactions according to their feelings instead of rational thinking that leads to reasoned actions or words. In other words, they are at the mercy of their sinful nature and the ploys of the devil.
It is not true that "hurt people hurt people" any more than "people who are treated well automatically treat others well." People operate according to the heart bent, whether loving and kind or hateful and mean. They choose every day to rise from their beds and be who they choose to be.
2 Corinthians 4:4
"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God."
1 John 5:19
"We know that we are of God, and that the whole world is under the power of the evil one."
Colossians 3:6-7
"Because of these, the wrath of God is coming on the sons of disobedience. When you lived among them, you also used to walk in these ways."
The wrath of God is on the disobedience because of their choice to reject Christ, and His blessing is on the born-again believer because of their choice to be changed by Christ.
It's all about our choices!!!!
Thursday, June 12, 2025
Working in Concert
Ezekiel 18:20 "The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son.".
The principle here is that each person will be accountable for their own sin. Anyone who approves of sin in their friend participates in that sin through their affirmation of it.
Luke 17:3 “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him…”
Ephesians 5:11 "Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them."
James 4:17 "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."
2 Thessalonians 3:14-15 "If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother."
1 Corinthians 5:11 "But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one."
To spend time with a brother in Christ who is sinning without warning them is to be party to their sin.
1 Timothy 5:20 "As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear."
James 4:4 "You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God."
James 5:19-20 "My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."
1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.”
Remember Annanias and Sapphirah, who conspired together to lie to the Holy Spirit about the amount of the sale of their land. To accept sin in another is to support them in their sin.
Sometimes I wonder if Sapphirah would have lived if she had not agreed with her husband and refused to lie. Or, I wonder if she would have been able to talk Annanias out of lying if she had refused to do it. We will never know this, but the beginning principle in the article is that no one will be held accountable for someone else's sin if they refuse to accept it or participate. Acts 5:1-11
We have laws in our country that say if someone was with the one who robbed the store as a lookout, they will be held accountable for whatever the robber did while in the store. It is called "working in concert" with the robber. It is Biblical in nature that anyone who helps a criminal will also be accountable for their support of that crime.
How many times have Christians thought the way the Corinthian church thought, believing they were being kind by not chastising the young man who was committing adultery with his father's wife?
1 Corinthians 5:1-8 "5 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and sexual immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, namely, that someone has his father’s wife.
It was a boastful mentality that led the people to accept the sin. Their worldly mindset viewed acceptance of sin as a kind act. When it was not kind to the sinner, nor was it kind to the entire body that would be influenced by the sin.
When we love others, we are more concerned about their spiritual well-being than we are about whether or not they like us, or how we may appear to others who don't understand.
Withholding truth from a fellow believer is a lack of love and worse, "self-love." When appearances and acceptance is more important than the truth, then it is also more important than God.
The principle here is that each person will be accountable for their own sin. Anyone who approves of sin in their friend participates in that sin through their affirmation of it.
Luke 17:3 “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him…”
Ephesians 5:11 "Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them."
James 4:17 "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."
2 Thessalonians 3:14-15 "If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother."
1 Corinthians 5:11 "But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one."
To spend time with a brother in Christ who is sinning without warning them is to be party to their sin.
1 Timothy 5:20 "As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear."
James 4:4 "You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God."
James 5:19-20 "My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."
1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.”
Remember Annanias and Sapphirah, who conspired together to lie to the Holy Spirit about the amount of the sale of their land. To accept sin in another is to support them in their sin.
Sometimes I wonder if Sapphirah would have lived if she had not agreed with her husband and refused to lie. Or, I wonder if she would have been able to talk Annanias out of lying if she had refused to do it. We will never know this, but the beginning principle in the article is that no one will be held accountable for someone else's sin if they refuse to accept it or participate. Acts 5:1-11
We have laws in our country that say if someone was with the one who robbed the store as a lookout, they will be held accountable for whatever the robber did while in the store. It is called "working in concert" with the robber. It is Biblical in nature that anyone who helps a criminal will also be accountable for their support of that crime.
How many times have Christians thought the way the Corinthian church thought, believing they were being kind by not chastising the young man who was committing adultery with his father's wife?
1 Corinthians 5:1-8 "5 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and sexual immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, namely, that someone has his father’s wife.
2 You have become [b]arrogant and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst.
3 For I, on my part, though absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged him who has so committed this, as though I were present.
4 In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are assembled, and I with you in spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus,
5 I have decided to turn such a person over to Satan for the destruction of his body, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.
6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough?
7 Clean out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump, just as you are in fact unleavened. For Christ our Passover also has been sacrificed.
8 Therefore let’s celebrate the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth."
6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough?
7 Clean out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump, just as you are in fact unleavened. For Christ our Passover also has been sacrificed.
8 Therefore let’s celebrate the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth."
It was a boastful mentality that led the people to accept the sin. Their worldly mindset viewed acceptance of sin as a kind act. When it was not kind to the sinner, nor was it kind to the entire body that would be influenced by the sin.
When we love others, we are more concerned about their spiritual well-being than we are about whether or not they like us, or how we may appear to others who don't understand.
Withholding truth from a fellow believer is a lack of love and worse, "self-love." When appearances and acceptance is more important than the truth, then it is also more important than God.
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