Narcissists and Shame

Narcissists don't know how to deal with shame; they are chronic in their insecurity because of the shame they experience.

 
The sad thing is that narcissists never apologize for anything and blame others for the shame they feel, when it was their own mean rude actions and words that brought them shame.

 
If they were to apologize for their mean-spirited ways, the shame would leave them, and they could walk in joy without guilt. As it is, though, they never repent, so they heap shame upon shame upon shame as they go through life, ending up as cranky old people and no real purpose in life except to continually attempt to dispel the shame through their blame toward others.

 
Judging and blaming others is their only way of minimizing their shame momentarily. The only cure for the judging and blaming narcissist is to repent, admit their dreadful character and inner spirit, with the desire to be cleansed of it.
1 John 1:9 "9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Confession of flaws and sins is the only way to cleanse away the guilt and shame that come from self-will and eventual devastation.

 
There are no authentic friendships in the narcissist's life; there are only people they use to gratify themselves. When someone no longer serves their purposes, they delete them from their lives, or at least place them on the back burner for later in case their other relationships don't work out anymore.

 
Building quality relationships takes caring about others. A friendship is based on walking through life with someone, the good and the bad, to be a "wing-man" always ready to express love God's way. This is why we don't see much love in the world anymore, because few people have God's kind of love.

 
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Love delights in the truth because it is only the truth that helps people, even if the truth is hard to hear.

 
Flattery is not helpful, praising people is not helpful, just honest truth with loving affection is valuable in a friendship.

Proverbs 29:5 "A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet."

Proverbs 26:24-28 "Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin."

Romans 16:18 "For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.
Honest people who love others do encourage and compliment those they love, but without any other motive than to help support their friend. If they love them they tell the truth when they are doing something that will harm themselves.

 
1 Thessalonians 2:1-20 "For you yourselves know, brothers, that our coming to you was not in vain. But though we had already suffered and been shamefully treated at Philippi, as you know, we had boldness in our God to declare to you the gospel of God in the midst of much conflict. For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness."

Narcissists do not recognize real love; they think love is continual praise and lots of attention for them. They have no real love to give to anyone else except those who elevate them, a useful kind of manipulative love that leaves them in a prominent position.

 
Our churches have become like this, full of lovers of self who only do their deeds to be seen by others and who gain something for themselves in their relationships.
God told us this would happen in the last days, most people are like the narcissist somewhere on the spectrum while growing worse all the time.

 
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."

2 Timothy 2:2-4…2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and encourage with every form of patient instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires. 4 So they will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."

When we know this is what is happening to our world, we can remain joyful knowing it is not about us personally and that God gives us the strength to walk with Christ, even if we have to walk alone.

Free from the Bondage of Fleshly Pleasure

Many people in our culture are dedicated to having fun before they can no longer have fun. A pleasure seeker, someone who loves accolades and notoriety, is easily deceived by false doctrine and cultural norms.

 
The sad thing is, these kinds of people focus on fun all their lives; they never stop seeking adventure and pleasurable things to boast about to others.

These people are never truly happy because their happiness is based on adventures. When we are mature and wise, our joy comes from the normal things in life; there is no need for adventures.

 
1 Corinthians 13:11 "11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
Pleasure in our day is sought after more than anything else. From observing life as a 70's something, I see those who seek after pleasure remaining immature in their conversations and responses to life all their lives. They lack a sober and contemplative mindset that evaluates things rationally and in truth.

 
There is more joy in the heart of those who do not need adventures. Their enjoyment is based on everyday normal life and God's principles, not on anything extraneous to impress others.

 
Ephesians 4:14 "Then we will no longer be infants, tossed about by the waves and carried around by every wind of teaching and by the clever cunning of men in their deceitful scheming."

Hebrews 5:12-14 "Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to reteach you the basic principles of God’s word. You need milk, not solid food! For everyone who lives on milk is still an infant, inexperienced in the message of righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained their senses to distinguish good from evil."

1 Peter 2:2 "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation,"

If we are to grow in holiness and maturity, we will seek Christ and not the pleasures of this world. If we choose the pleasures, God is going to bring trials to wake us up to remind us of what is important.

They Laugh at Me and I Laugh at Them

"They laugh at me because I am different, I laugh at them because they are all the same."

Wise People Seek to Understand not to Dominate

"Narcissists judge quickly and understand slowly" Stoic Wisdom

Institutional Religion and the Mud Bog

Institutional religion is the muddy mire from which it is difficult to remove ourselves, but necessary if we are to be free in Christ.

 
When I was a small child, about 10 years old, I wandered into a nearby field in the spring. The field was full of water; looking from the solid ground, I thought the water was superficial, floating on top of the land.

 
In my big boots, big for a little girl of 10, I took my first step and saw my foot sink a couple of inches. I wasn't worried about that; it was easy to take the next step. Unfortunately, the next step was a foot of mud that rolled over the top of my boots.

 
I began to panic as I tried to lift my leg out of the bog, but it was not budging. I began to cry in fear that I would not be able to get out, and there was no one around to help me. I was in that field alone, stuck and helpless.

I was used to wandering in the fields and woods alone. I had brothers who didn't want me around, so I did a lot of things on my own. Later in life, I felt blessed that those early years taught me to learn to be content and happy by myself.

 
In the matter of the mud bog, my only hope was to try and try and try until I was able to get loose, but I could not. Then the idea came to me to remove my foot from the boot and then pull the boot out. It was easier to pull my foot out of the mud than it was to pull the boot out with my foot in it. The boot came out more easily when my foot was not in it.

 
I don't remember exactly how I got across that field to harder and safer ground, but I remember the relief that rolled over me when I was able to walk out of the place.

I tell you this story to demonstrate the feelings I had the first time I began to question the Catholic church and all its man-made rituals, and then later the Protestant church systems that we visited over the years after leaving the Catholic church.

 
Because I was so indoctrinated to the "way things were done", there was a sense of guilt in objecting or pondering anything different. It was only when I began to read the Bible and pray for wisdom that these false man-made systems bothered me. I couldn't say why, but I continued to pray that God would tell me what was wrong with me that I was not at peace about these institutions.

I was led to believe, through the reactions to me as a child, that it was a sin for me to question anything. I was treated with contempt and disrespect for wanting answers to questions no one else seemed to know the answer to.

 
As the Lord began to open my eyes through the Scriptures and His still small voice compelling me to continue in study and prayer, the light came on in my heart. Then is when God showed me all the ways in the institutional church that were not only not Biblical but managed to keep the people in the pews locked into the false system. Christ was not the real focus; the system and ritual were the focus.

 
The people lacked the fruit of the Spirit because each was in competition with all the others to appear more spiritual or at least equal to one another. The only way they could be accepted by the group was for everyone to be just like everyone else. Everyone is doing and saying all the same things without question.

Anyone who questioned how things were done was rejected by the others. It was intimidating to the attendees for someone to question what was always done because no one really understood why things were done; they just knew that to be accepted, they had to do them.

 
Since I was used to family rejection at home, the feelings of rejection anywhere else were familiar to me and unintimidating. I had learned through my childhood that there was no way anyone would like me, so I accepted that and didn't try to be liked. I felt hurt a lot as a child but later in life after I trusted Christ I was no longer hurt, my heart understood why and I was free. I don't remember ever being angry with people but I did want to flee those who didn't love well. 

 
It must have been the Lord who was with me, even though I was not saved yet. I am convinced He kept me feeling loved even when I believed no one else loved me. Eventually, I was born again, and the reasons for my life experience became clear to me.

 
Sadly, many people, if not most, are in bondage to being accepted by others, so they resist questioning anything or refusing anything out of fear of rejection.

 
Proverbs 29:25-26 " 25 The fear of man is a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is set securely on high. 26 Many seek the ruler’s favour, but a man receives justice from the LORD.…"

Psalm 56:3-4 "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. / In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

To this day, I thank and praise God for training in those early years, in dealing with rejection. The freedom from the fear of being rejected is so wonderful that it cannot be compared to someone with many friends who worries about rejection.

 
God trained me early in my life not to trust in man. As I grew older and began to seek Christ on my own, it was clear that He wanted me to be able to be hated while still loving others, even if they didn't love me, at the same time keeping me free from hate and anger. If I had to choose hate and anger or hurt feelings, I will take the hurt feelings. Eventually, I was no longer hurt, only sad for those who didn't know how to love. 

 
This is the greatest blessing of all, when Christ dwells in us so richly that no other person could dominate me more fully than He does.

 
Jeremiah 17:7-8 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. He is like a tree planted by the waters that sends out its roots toward the stream. It does not fear when the heat comes, and its leaves are always green. It does not worry in a year of drought, nor does it cease to produce fruit."

Psalm 118:8-9 "It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes."

Someone once asked me why I was so free to be so bold. The answer was simple, and yet the means were so complicated. When we have nothing to lose on this earth, then we can walk fully with Christ.

 
We cannot lose what we never had! If you feel you are unloved by most people, you are in a good place because Christ was also unloved by most people. Until we can learn to remain unloved and still faithful to Christ, we have much more to learn and are still too connected to this world, its traditions and ritualistic habits.

 
May the Lord free the brothers and sisters in Christ from all human tradition, rituals and bondages that keep them chained to this world. And may the Lord open the eyes of those who do not understand so they, too, can see with clarity.
Hallelujah!!!!

After Show 1: Breaking the Pulpit Barrier

Jon Zens: Jesus' Heart For His Church