They Refuse to Cooperate

Narcissists are "uncooperative", they cannot stand to cooperate with others because that places the power in the hands of the others. Narcissists can't give up their power over people.

They are continually causing drama to be the center of attention and for the purpose of controlling the emotions of others.

In order to be cooperative there must be good communication, narcissists hate communication.

Communication leave us vulnerable to discovering we may need to change something or compromise for the sake of another. Narcissists hate to communicate.

They hate to communicate, cooperate or defer to others, they must always be the one in charge. It is agonizing working with someone like this because they have a tendency to take over a project that was not given to them to do.

Normal people will ask how they can help when requested to engage in a project with others. The narcissist won't ask they will merely begin ordering others even though no one appointed them the "go to person."

We saw all these elements in president Obama and first lady Michelle. Their way of controlling others was to continually mock and demean those who disagreed with them. Rather than elevating their own ideas, of which there were none or few, they would focus on devaluing the ideas of others. When they couldn't devalue the ideas of others they would devalue the person in some superficial and meaningless way.

We see this in family members all the time. Someone was mocked once by a narcissistic family member because of the things that hung on her wall. She liked lots of pictures and other wall hangings that coordinate with her decor. The mocking was because she "had too many", but that didn't make sense because what she had on her walls shouldn't matter to anyone but those who live in her house. Her husband told her many times how much he liked her decorating.

Why did this family member either ignore it to avoid making her feel badly, or compliment her ability to coordinate things well? The reason was that it wasn't really about her wall hangings at all, but about the need of the narcissist to mock and demean in order to elevate self.

It was obvious to this woman that the person who had demeaned her decorating had been primed by other family members who had gossiped about her. The narcissist felt empowered by the other narcissists in the room, realizing he had advocates for his mocking, leading him to feel safe in overt devaluing of the host.

I have witnessed many situations just like this one, no real reason for the mocking, nothing good was accomplished by it, the host didn't change how she decorated and any sense of kindness or love was reduced if present at all. In short, these mentalities destroy any chance of quality relationships, a sense of purposelessness and destruction are present.

Our culture is growing in the meanness of narcissism. As people remain full of themselves, full of arrogance that their way is the only way, we will see the destruction of relationships on every level in every place.

As we observe this devilish phenomena we don't have to be a part of it. We can remove ourselves from those who will not change this behavior and fill our relationship coffers with those who love the Lord, desiring to bless their brothers and sisters in Christ, while witnessing to others by their actions, that they belong to Christ.

1 Thessalonians 5:10-11 "…10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him. 11 Therefore encourage and build one another up, just as you are already doing."

Building one another in the faith does not have to do with flattery or praise, it has more the connotation of "you can do it", "keep going", while taking the time to help others in their particular ministries through discussion, prayer and Biblical encouragement.

Never, never, never demean or mock someone on completely unimportant matters. Never demean or mock anyone for mistakes, everyone makes them, it doesn't help to beat down someone for a mistake.

Deliberate mean actions and attitudes are another matter. We need to call this out, unless we know we are dealing with a fool who will make more trouble if we confront it. These people will flip the script, blame those who are the victims, absolving themselves of any wrong doing.

Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Scorners set a city aflame, But wise men turn away anger. 9 When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, The foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest. 10Men of bloodshed hate the blameless, But the upright are concerned for his life.…"