Let's examine the idea so many Christians are using in their instruction to their adult children.
That is the idea that we should "have our fun first after marrying, before having children" is one that many people are encouraging but in fact, is unbiblical and detrimental to the way the young adults operate after they are married.
The implication that fun is so important that children get in the way of that and should be avoided until one is ready to let go of fun elevates childish behavior as an important pursuit.
1 Corinthians 13:11 "11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I set aside childish ways."
The pursuit of fun delays the maturation process. When we are mature adults we no longer desire adventure and fantasy living as we did in childhood. Mature adults enjoy relaxation and fun from time to time especially with small grandchildren, but they do not pursue it as though it were important.
The false idea that when children come into marriage all happiness and fun are gone, is another presumption by those who are addicted to fun. This presumes that children cannot bring us joy and happiness because they get in the way of the fun. It also presumes that God makes fun very important, however, not one scripture would support this notion.
Does anyone see the word “fun” anywhere in the scriptures? I sure don’t!
Devaluing the nature of marriage and the result of the union, that being children, is the effect of teaching that one must make sure they have their fun before they have children because children will end all enjoyment of life.
We do not “get fun out of our system” by doing more of it, rather those who pursue adventure and fun become addicted to it. When children come along the adult who has been pursuing fun will train their children to place fun as the objective in life. Most people who use the phrase; “have your fun first” are those who are always pursuing fun, even their ministry work must be fun or they don’t want to do it.
Promoting pleasure over God's design for marriage is the result of a mentality that places fun at the front of the line, at the top of the list of things to accomplish in life, when in fact having fun is useless to anyone’s existence. We all do it, we have times that we enjoy playing a little, but promoting it in others is humanistic and detrimental to spiritual and emotional growth.
Negating the family structure as something to be avoided if it brings difficulties is another result of the “have your fun mentality”. Many people who pursue fun as the main lifestyle often end up in divorce. They place fun and happiness above everything and everyone else. Those who love and are addicted to fun often have little to no regard for others around them, unless those others engage in the fun with them.
Those who pursue fun most of their lives will delay the natural maturing process that occurs when we are faced with caring for someone else other than ourselves. Sadly many people who pursue fun into their middle age never mature, they remain childish all their lives and promote it in their children. There are many adults today who are middle age who have remained spiritual and emotional infants because of their play mentality.
Divorce and remarriage have risen exponentially as well as teen suicide, shack-up relationships, and broken families because the culture is unhappy if they are not playing and boasting continually. Play is not fun unless one can boast about it to others, a sort of “look at me” mentality is present in those who love their pleasures.
Ecclesiastes 2:1
2 I said to myself, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.” But that also proved to be meaningless.
Luke 17:33
33 Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.
1 John 2:15-17 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.
1 Timothy 5:6 But she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives.
Job 21:11-15 “They send out their little boys like a flock, and their children dance. They sing to the tambourine and the lyre and rejoice at the sound of the pipe. They spend their days in prosperity, and in peace, they go down to Sheol. They say to God, ‘Depart from us! We do not desire the knowledge of your ways. What is the Almighty, that we should serve him? And what profit do we get if we pray to him?’
Seeking after pleasure for its own sake will cause hardness of heart and selfishness. Those who love their fun, their pleasure and self-seeking, cannot follow Christ. They can pretend to do so but will be more disobedient to God’s Word than they obey it.
Having a mindset of pleasure will cause those who are controlled by it to reject anyone or anything that might bring hard lessons. This is why we see so much resistance to correction or rebuke within the Christian church today. It is also why the leadership in most churches sells fun in their worship, in fact, they no longer know what worship looks like. If it isn’t “fun” the attendees will not come back and the leadership knows it, so the leadership gives the people what they want so they will not leave rather than leading them into truth and righteousness. Their churches are full of walking deadmen who love their pleasures.
I was saddened one day when my own mother, who was deeply steeped in cultural Christianity said; “I go to the church I attend because I like the music.” This saddened me because of what she did not say; “I attend the church because I love to worship with other believers.” Cultural Christianity is based on cultural pleasures, not the Bible and not a desire to please God.
So many cultural Christians even agreed with the sermons they heard in the churches they attended but did not obey the Word of God. They thought all they had to do was agree in their minds but didn’t have to actually follow the Bible. I know this because most of them did not know their Bibles, and were even very uncomfortable when someone else brought up scripture to a discussion.
Some of these people even raged to defend their sin as though they had been mean for saying what God said. One way to judge whether or not someone is a cultural Christian is to without reservation speak of the things of the Lord and His Word in their presence. Their reaction to it will tell you a lot.
1 John 5:1
"Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and whoever loves the Father loves the child born of Him.
Psalm 97:10
"Hate evil, you who love the Lord,
Who preserves the souls of His godly ones;
He delivers them from the hand of the wicked."
John 14:15-16 "15 If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Advocate to be with you forever—…"
1 John 3:13-15 "…13 So do not be surprised, brothers, if the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. The one who does not love remains in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that eternal life does not reside in a murderer.…"
Raging at someone over repeating a scripture is hatred, make no mistake about that!
Notice this; Those who love the Lord will keep His commandments and they will also love the people of God. They will not rage at a brother or sister who brings the scripture to bear on any subject.
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