Solitude for Newly Married Couples

If newly married couples do not leave their family of origin and begin their own traditions and ways of living they will be too enmeshed in the family cult to spiritually and emotionally mature.

When the family structure will not let go of a newly married couple they squash the personalities, hopes, and joys of the newlyweds. The newlyweds are expected to be just like the family cult, never allowed to think on their own and develop their own relationships.

Matthew 19:5

"5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?"

Often the relationships in marriage are damaged by too much extended family interference. Continual contact with extended family does not allow for each person to develop within themselves, make their own decisions and develop their own personality in the way they do things.

Joseph was taken from his family so that eventually he was able to follow God's plan for him. The jealousy of the wicked brothers who threw him into a well was an act of hatred, but God used it for good, just as Joseph said.

Abraham was taken away from family to fulfill the plan God had for him.

We cannot fulfill the plan God has for us if we are tethered to families who want us to be just like them. They will hold us back through jealousy, gossip and lies against us to keep us under their thumb.

I knew of a family who was bankrupt in their lifestyle. One young girl in the family expressed to me that she wanted to be different. I encouraged her that she could move forward by staying strong to her values and goals. The family mocked her that she wanted something better and worked daily to discourage her from becoming something more than what the family wanted for their own lives.

Family pressure can be very subtle and oppressive to newly married couples. If a couple has a family system of encouraging the couple to begin their life separately from the family then that group may be alright, but it is rare for extended family who are interacting on a daily basis to allow the newly married couple to develop their own relationship together without interference.

It is vitally important that newly married couples take their first years of their marriage spending their time together learning to live with one another.

I am always dismayed when a couple gets married and continually surrounds themselves with people in everything they do. Developing a quality relationship takes alone time and effort without others judging what they do.

May anyone newly married reading this take a few years alone with one another before engaging in constant relationships outside their little nuclear family. The first years are the years we learn the most but only if we are not distracted by others.