Heaping Hot Coals of Kindness to Cause Frustration is Sin

Being kind to someone just to cause guilt in them is manipulation and not love. Hot coals of kindness do not work when it is with the desire to further harm someone; this is not kindness at all but ruthlessness.

When God said we might heap hot coals of kindness by our good deeds toward someone, He never meant that the goal was to make someone feel bad or frustrated. The goal was to have compassion and love in your heart.

If anyone is using the "hot coals of kindness" to foster frustration in another person, then they are not true "hot coals of kindness,s" they are manipulation to hurt someone.

Those who do this hate the loss of control over the person who has walked away and must have a sense of gaining control back again.  This is not love it is hate.

 
Romans 12:20 " if your enemy is hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink. "

The purpose of being kind is to reflect the love of Christ. If the goal of the hot coal dispenser is to control the emotions of another it is revenge.

 
A show of kindness to frustrate is not kindness at all! Narcissists often misuse scripture to justify their bad acts.

 
Love never seeks to hurt or frustrate; it seeks to mend and restore!

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."