There is a very wrong teaching about forgiveness that is being taught by nearly everyone these days.
They say forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. This is completely wrong and based on feelings and words alone.
God declared that forgiveness was predicated on confession of sin and was for the purpose of reconciling a relationship.
If there has been true forgiveness after repentance, then there will be reconciliation followed by an even deeper closeness in the relationship than there was before.
The purpose of forgiveness is not to keep us from becoming bitter, it is for the sake of the relationship.
God made it clear how confession of sin and forgiveness is suppost to work and what it is suppose to accomplish.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
People overlook this phrase in the Luke passage: "if they return and say "I repent."
We are commanded to bless our enemies, not to take revenge, and keep ourselves from bitterness, but this is not forgiveness. If there is confession of sin and forgiveness extended, then there will be reconciliation.
Too many people today believe all people are going to heaven because God forgives, even if they are not sorry; this could not be farther from the truth.
Psalm 51:17 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
This culture needs to stop pretending they forgive while still refusing contact with the offender. There is good reason to avoid those who are not sorry and even think they did nothing wrong defending their sin against us. However, forgiveness is not accomplished until the offender is convicted of their sin and wants to repent and reconcile.
If we obey God by acting with love and kindness, no matter what they do, then we will remain innocent, but this is not reconciliation; it is refusing to be manipulated into acting like the offenders.
Christ treated everyone correctly all the time, and most were not reconciled to Him. He never said to people; "I forgive you even if you are not sorry."
When Christ said on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do", He was not forgiving individuals; He was asking the Father to extend forgiveness to the world because of His sacrifice. Extending forgiveness to those who are repentant is far different from forgiving them when they are not repentant.
Acts 3:19: "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."
God never forgives or reconciles to those who are not sorry! The condition for becoming born again is to confess our sinfulness, trusting in Christ to change us into a new creation, and desiring Him to do all the work in us.
No one will be reconciled to us or to God when they maintain their wicked attitude of remorselessness.
When we say to people we should forgive when someone is not repentant, we are giving them a false picture of how Christ forgives and enabling them in their sinful stance.
It is not unfriendly or unkind to withhold forgiveness to the unrepentant, just the contrary, it may help them see their sinfulness has consequences and it may even cause them to see the error of their ways and rethink their attitude.
Our world is growing worse in terrible attitudes and disrespectful actions because of the psychology that teaches the lie that friendliness is what causes people to rethink their own heart. Just the opposite is true, when we require nothing from offenders, we enhance their selfish and ignorant stance.
Proverbs 22: 24-25 "24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,
25 lest you learn his ways
and entangle yourself in a snare."
When we require nothing from others and they require nothing of us no one grows and changes. Holiness is either stymied or non-existent, everyone grows more evil because there is no accountability.
Satan loves this because it causes people to place pressure on the innocent party to forgive and continue with those who have abused them, or at least feel responsible to be or do something God never intended, while the offender is never told to repent.
Justice is important to God and it should be important to us too.
Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"
Isaiah 1:17 "Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause."
God did not write these verses just for the righteous; He wrote them for the offender too. Never ignore what the offender did and pretend your lack of accountability absolves them.
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