CHRISTIAN HOSPITALITY
One of the greatest virtues of the Christian life is hospitality. The development of this character quality is one of the most important elements of spiritual maturity.
I. What is Christian Hospitality?
Definition: It is the opening of the heart and home to entertain friends and strangers with a view to ministering to their physical and spiritual needs in the name of Christ.
A. The words, “opening the heart” refer to your attitude about having people in your home.
What is your attitude when people come into your home?
Happy or sad
Gracious or resentful
Warm or cold
Pliable or stiff
Joyful or angry
Friendly or rude
Here’s some probing Questions
Do you make people feel “at home” in your home?
Do they feel welcome?
Do your guests feel comfortable in your home?
Do you view them as invited guests or as intruders?
Do guests brighten or spoil your day?
Do you resent unexpected company?
Do you complain or murmur about people coming?
Do you feel “imposed upon” and “used”?
B. The words, “opening of the home,” mean that you have an “open door” policy toward people in which the emphasis is not on the quality or condition of the furnishings or food but on creating a warm and friendlly atmosphere in the home. It is better to eat beans in a home where there is an atmosphere of love and acceptance than to eat a steak dinner in a home where there is an atmosphere of bitterness and resentfulness. Feeling welcomed and accepted has little to do with whether you are in a hovel or a palace. It is your attitude which determines whether or not your guests fill welcomed ( Prov. 17:1;21:9;25:24).
C. “With a view to ministering” means that the purpose of inviting people over to your home is to minister to them. Thus your purpose is not to impress people or show off your house or its furnishings. You should seek to be of benefit to them by providing a place, a time and an atmosphere where they can experience the joy of a Christian home and be led either to salvation or fellowship.
D. “Their physical needs” means that if someone needs a meal, provide it for them. Think of all the single adults who would love a home-cooked meal. Think of the sick or the elderly and their needs. There are those who need to “get away” from their home and could enjoy a time visiting and resting in your home. You could keep the children of a couple who need to get away as husband and wife (James 2:15-16; 1 John 3:17).
E. “In the name of Christ” means that you view your acts of hospitality as being done not only “in the name o the Lord” (Mk. 9:41) and “to the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31) but also “to the Lord” Himself in a personal way (Matt. 25:34-40).
Once this is understood, then a lack of hospitality or a poor attitude while engaged in hospitality must be viewed as a personal rejection of Christ Himself. How you treat the Lord’s people is the surest proof of how you really feel about the Lord Himself. A consistent lack of hospitality is viewed by Christ as the clearest proof that a person is not saved but is destined for eternal punishment (Matt. 25:41-46). When you resent having people in your home, Christ takes this resentment personally.
II. Who is Supposed to be Hospitable?
A. Because hospitality is such an important virtue, the Elders must exemplify this character trait (1 Tim. 3:2; Tit. 1:8). Their home must be open to the needs of people. A man who does not like people in his home or who is not able to make people feel welcomed is not suited for the office of Elder. The same holds true for any leadership position in the Church (1 Tim. 5:10). The character trait of hospitality is an essential requirement for leadership. All leaders are to be role models for the rest of the congregation to follow ( 1 Tim. 4:12; 1 Pet. 5:1-4).
B. All believers should develop the virtue of hospitality (Rom. 12:13; Heb. 13:2; 1 Pet. 4:9). From the Old Testament (Gen. 10) to the New Testament (Philemon), godliness and hospitality have been synonymous. All of us have been called to minister to others. Jesus has left us the example and pattern to follow (1 John 2:6; 3:16-18; Rom. 15:3 etc.).
Conclusion
The Key to Hospitality
A right attitude + consistent action = a godly habit.
A godly habit + time = a Christ-like character quality.
Taken from "Cross Ministry"
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother
In recent years I have been speaking with people who have been expressing sadness over the attitude of disrespect that their children and their children's spouses have displayed. Our culture has lost sight almost entirely of the 5th commandment.
Somehow adult children have acquired the idea that they no longer have to respect their parents or the parents of their spouse, once they are grown and out of the house.
The articles that I have been reading, tell a story of incredible rebellion against authority and the wisdom of the older generation.
The new generation of narcissisticly trained children of the self esteem doctrine are arrogant and disrespectful, not because they know more than their parents, but only because they have been trained to be self absorbed and think they know more.
They have been excessively praised by school, church and home, to the point that they believe they really do know it all and old people are stupid.
We are to blame for this as a culture, because we were more concerned about our children liking themselves. We forgot to teach them to "love others better than themselves" as Christ taught in His Word. The only road back to respect is through repentance as a nation as a whole. If we can not acknowledge that we have wickedly trained children to love themselves above everyone and everything else, then there is no hope for us. Because our children are in the process now of teaching their children to exhibit even more disrespect than they do, except for repentance we are doomed to live in a culture that puts it's elderly to death because they will be considered of no value to their children.
I would like to share with you an article that I found on the Internet that expresses what God thinks of all of this lack of respect in children and what His consequences are to those who will not repent.
Honor Father and Mother (Exodus 20:12)
by Darryl on July 26, 2009
This summer we’re working our way through the Ten Commandments, asking what they mean and how they apply to our lives today. We’re looking at them because of their uniqueness – because they are the only time in redemptive history that God himself spoke to all of his people assembled in one place. We’re also looking at them because Jesus reaffirmed many of these commands, therefore showing that they’re still relevant to us today thousands of years after they were given.
Today we’re looking at one that you may think doesn’t apply to you. You may think that nine apply, but this one is for others, specifically kids. The fifth commandment says:
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)
So today I want to ask four simple questions:
What does this command teach?
What did Jesus say about this command?
What are some of the wider implications of this command?
How do we keep it?
First, what does this command teach?
I have some bad news for you if you think that this command doesn’t apply to you, because contrary to what some have thought, this is not a command that is only for children. This command was given to the entire national of Israel gathered at Sinai, most of whom were adults. In other words, this is a command given not just to kids but to adults as well. The command, regardless of your age, is this: honor your father and mother.
The word honor has the idea of weight. It carries the idea of not taking your parents lightly, of regarding them as something significant and heavy in your life. It means giving them the highest esteem, of elevating them to a place of importance in your life, and showing gratitude to them. God commands us: Treat your parents weightily; regard them as people of great worth. Treat them with deference. Take them very seriously in your life.
In the very early years, this happens naturally. If you see a very young child, you know that at a certain stage, mother and father are everything. Young children only want their parents. What their parents think of them is the only thing that matters. At a certain stage, children see parents as absolutely perfect.
But as children grow, this changes, and it should. We’ve all become more independent of our parents. Our lives give other people and other influences greater weight. We’re very aware of the faults of our parents. It’s at this point that God stops us and says: don’t you dare grow so removed from your parents, or so disillusioned with them, that you stop giving them a place of weighty importance in your lives. Don’t you dare stop caring for them, showing deference to them, speaking highly of them. Next to God, your parents are to receive the greatest respect and value in your life. Disrespecting them is a serious matter. Refusing to honor them is not just an offense to them; it’s also an offense to God, and a very serious matter.
Do you see how relevant and how challenging this command is? It’s especially challenging because there’s no exception clause for those of us who had less-than-perfect parents – and some of us did. As Martin Luther said, this command applies no matter how “lowly, poor, frail, and queer they may be.” The Heidelberg Catechism says it involves patiently bearing “with their weaknesses and infirmities.” This is not for perfect families with perfect parents and perfect kids; this is for all of us. This is for those of us who have parents who sometimes drive us crazy, or whose faults are very plain to us. God says that we are to honor that imperfect father who may have hurt us, and to honor our imperfect father. Not easy, but it’s what this command is about.
We’re going to look at what this means in practical terms in a minute, but before we move on we have to notice that this is the first commandment, as the apostle Paul writes later, with a promise. God says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” This, of course, was given to the people of Israel who were promised a land. The apostle Paul translates this promise to those of us who know Christ: “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:3). What does this promise mean? It’s not an individual promise as much as it is a corporate one. Obeying all of God’s laws is the way to life. It’s the best possible way to live well. And honoring parents is crucial to the basic functioning of society in every way – socially, economically, and spiritually. Whenever the basic structure of the family breaks down, it threatens the well-being of the entire society. Life becomes diminished for everyone. But when we honor and care for our parents, we create a social climate that enhances the possibility of a good and long life, not only for each person but for society as a whole.
That’s what this command means. Now we have to ask:
What did Jesus say about this command?
It’s always interesting to see what Jesus said about these commandments. He taught on many of them in the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus didn’t talk about the fifth commandment in that sermon, however. Instead, he referred to it when he confronted some of the most religious people who lived at the time, who thought they had found a way around this commandment.
In Matthew 15:4-6, Jesus said:
And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, “Honor your father and mother” and “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.” But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is ‘devoted to God,’ they are not to ‘honor their father or mother’ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.
So let’s notice what Jesus says here. First, he affirms that this is a command of God. The command to honor our parents, according to Jesus, is of divine origin. Second, he quotes Exodus 21:17, which says, “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.” Notice how serious this command is: in Israel, God’s covenant community, disrespecting parents is placed amongst commands dealing with death and physical injury, and failing to honor them is a capital crime. We don’t live in a theocracy – under the direct rule of God – so the punishment no longer applies, but Jesus affirms that this is not only a command from God, but that breaking this command is an incredibly serious matter.
But then Jesus confronts a group of adults who outwardly agreed with this command, but thought they had found a loophole around it. Jewish tradition allowed that funds originally dedicated to the care of parents could be declared Corban – legally dedicated to God – meaning that you would no longer be required to do anything to financially support your aging parents. Instead of giving money to your parents, you would instead give the money to the temple. Some scholars think that you were actually able to keep the money yourself and benefit from it, as long as it was dedicated to God.
In essence, they thought they had found a way out of financially supporting parents by playing the spiritual trump card. Jesus had no time for this. He said that this is actually a way of nullifying the word of God. They not only violated one a commandment and disrespected their parents; they also showed complete disregard for the word of God.
Do you see what Jesus has done here? He has not only reaffirmed the commandment to honor our parents, but he has emphasized its importance in the strongest of terms. He’s reaffirmed that this commandment applies to adult children, and he’s fleshed out what honor means. Honor means financially supporting our aging parents. The apostle Paul re enforces this too when he says, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Providing financially for our family is a spiritual issue. If we do not do this, it shows that we have not grasped the gospel. It is tantamount to denying the faith that we profess to believe.
So Jesus does not qualify this command or weaken it for us. Instead, Jesus re enforces it in the strongest possible terms, and helps us see that honoring means practically caring for the needs of our parents, including looking after their financial needs. To fail to do this is not only disrespectful to our parents; it also nullifies God’s word and implicitly a denial of the gospel. This is heavy stuff.
I want to stop here to ask about some of the wider implications of this command.
I want to be brief here and point out that, throughout the church’s history, Christians have seen this as a command that applies not only to our relationship to our parents, but to all authority. At first you may roll your eyes and think that they’re taking things a bit too far, but think about it for a minute. Martin Luther said, “Out of the authority of parents, all other authority is derived and developed.” Think about this. God has placed us in families, and the Bible teaches us that the family is the basic unit of society. In essence, the other structures developed when families got larger, so that the state or government is really, in essence, a very complicated extension of the family. This is a very different way of thinking. John Frame writes, “What we call ‘states,” then, are the governmental structures of the family of Adam.”
This is why the catechisms emphasize that this command applies not only to our relationship with parents, but it applies in a much wider way as well. That’s why, for instance, the Baptist catechism says, “The fifth commandment requires that we preserve the honor and perform the duties which belong to every one in their various roles as authorities, subordinates or equals.”
There’s one other wider implication. One day when Jesus’ family came to visit him, Jesus said:
“Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.
Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” (Mark 3:34-35)
If we are thinking of ways to honor our families, we also have to think not only in terms of parents and authorities. We also need to think of our fellow believers. The gospel turns us into a family. We are far more than just an audience. Blood is thicker than water; the blood that unites us as family is the blood not of physical descent, but of Jesus’ own blood, shed on the cross.
When we really understand this command, it transforms not only the way we honor our parents; it will transform the way we relate to all authority. It will help us even see our relationship with each other within the church in new ways. It’s what the apostle Peter was getting at when he wrote, “Show proper respect to everyone, love your fellow believers, fear God, honor the emperor” (1 Peter 2:17). This command is about honoring parents, authorities, and our spiritual family, for the good of all.
Well, let’s finish by asking what may be the most important question this morning: how do we keep this command?
There are probably few times in history in which the fifth commandment could be more counter cultural, more timely, more necessary. We need this commandment. Most of us have been taught to question authority. Our children are taught to be autonomous at a very early age. The fifth commandment reminds us of the importance of submitting and honoring those who are in rightful authority over us, especially our parents. We tend to be very individualistic. So this commandment challenges us in some very practical ways.
Let me speak to parents. You’ve probably heard of Grimm’s Fairy Tales. One of the lesser known stories is of a very old man, “whose eyes had become dim, his ears dull of hearing, his knees trembled, and when he sat at table he could hardly hold the spoon, and spilt the broth upon the table-cloth or let it run out of his mouth.” His son and the son’s wife became so disgusted by him that they banished him from the table, and when he broke his bowl they made him eat of a trough. They treated him horribly.
One day the couple’s son, who was four years old, began to make something out of wood. The parents were touched and said, “What are you making?” “I am making a little trough,” answered the child, “for father and mother to eat out of when I am big.” The couple looked at each other and wept, realizing that they were teaching their son how to treat them when they got older. And they brought the grandfather back to the table, and from that point on they always let him eat with them, and they never complained even if he did spill a little of anything.
You get the idea. The way that you are treating your parents as adults is teaching your children how to one day treat you. How this applies will look different in every circumstance, but the principle is clear: honor your father and mother. How are you doing in keeping this command? We need to ask how we are caring for our parents financially, socially, emotionally. To the degree that we are indifferent to their needs, to that degree are we diminishing the possibilities of a well-functioning society for all.
You need to teach your children how to respect authority, and the best way to do this is to teach them not only with your words but with your example. Your children need discipline, but they also need your example. Teach them to honor parents and authorities by the way that you honor parents and authorities.
Our society talks a lot about deadbeat parents who fail to take care of their underage children. But there’s such a thing as deadbeat sons and daughters, who fail to care for their feeble parents. We need to teach our children not to be deadbeat kids, both by teaching them God’s Word and demonstrating what it means to honor parents by our behavior.
Now let me speak about how this applies to church. This commandment transforms our family relationships and it transforms our view of authority, but it also translates our view of church. The church is not something that I attend or that I’m part of when it suits me. It is Jesus’ own family, united by his blood. This means that we are called, as Peter says, to love one another. We’re called not only to honor parents and authorities, but to love those in our spiritual family for the good of all.
This is why church is so counter cultural. People will get if you go to a church that’s hip and that you enjoy. They won’t understand you committing to people who cost you something, who are sometimes annoying and inconvenient. They won’t understand you loving others and sacrificing for their good when it costs you. But that’s what it means to be part of Christ’s family. It means committing to a particular group of people and loving them sacrificially.
The fifth commandment pulls us out of our selfishness and lets us live for others, not only our parents but for all that God has placed in authority, not to mention all others who have been saved by Jesus blood. What could possibly pull us out of our selfishness so we can live for others? Because we serve a Savior who perfectly honored his own Father and gave his life so that we could be changed.
Father, we thank you for this commandment. We see today that it applies to us, and that it’s crucial that we follow it. I pray that you would help us see its importance, not only for us, but for our children and our church as well.
We pray for those today who have not been honoring their parents as they should. Give them the grace that they need so that they will care for their parents by speaking well of them, forgiving them, and supporting them in practical and financial ways.
We pray for parents. Please allow us as parents to teach our children the importance of honoring those in authority.
We pray for our church. Teach us that we are family, and allow us to be free to love and serve our fellow believers.
All of this is possible because we have a Savior who not only honored his Father perfectly, but who died so that we could be forgiven and changed. May every person here be transformed by trusting in Christ. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Somehow adult children have acquired the idea that they no longer have to respect their parents or the parents of their spouse, once they are grown and out of the house.
The articles that I have been reading, tell a story of incredible rebellion against authority and the wisdom of the older generation.
The new generation of narcissisticly trained children of the self esteem doctrine are arrogant and disrespectful, not because they know more than their parents, but only because they have been trained to be self absorbed and think they know more.
They have been excessively praised by school, church and home, to the point that they believe they really do know it all and old people are stupid.
We are to blame for this as a culture, because we were more concerned about our children liking themselves. We forgot to teach them to "love others better than themselves" as Christ taught in His Word. The only road back to respect is through repentance as a nation as a whole. If we can not acknowledge that we have wickedly trained children to love themselves above everyone and everything else, then there is no hope for us. Because our children are in the process now of teaching their children to exhibit even more disrespect than they do, except for repentance we are doomed to live in a culture that puts it's elderly to death because they will be considered of no value to their children.
I would like to share with you an article that I found on the Internet that expresses what God thinks of all of this lack of respect in children and what His consequences are to those who will not repent.
Honor Father and Mother (Exodus 20:12)
by Darryl on July 26, 2009
This summer we’re working our way through the Ten Commandments, asking what they mean and how they apply to our lives today. We’re looking at them because of their uniqueness – because they are the only time in redemptive history that God himself spoke to all of his people assembled in one place. We’re also looking at them because Jesus reaffirmed many of these commands, therefore showing that they’re still relevant to us today thousands of years after they were given.
Today we’re looking at one that you may think doesn’t apply to you. You may think that nine apply, but this one is for others, specifically kids. The fifth commandment says:
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)
So today I want to ask four simple questions:
What does this command teach?
What did Jesus say about this command?
What are some of the wider implications of this command?
How do we keep it?
First, what does this command teach?
I have some bad news for you if you think that this command doesn’t apply to you, because contrary to what some have thought, this is not a command that is only for children. This command was given to the entire national of Israel gathered at Sinai, most of whom were adults. In other words, this is a command given not just to kids but to adults as well. The command, regardless of your age, is this: honor your father and mother.
The word honor has the idea of weight. It carries the idea of not taking your parents lightly, of regarding them as something significant and heavy in your life. It means giving them the highest esteem, of elevating them to a place of importance in your life, and showing gratitude to them. God commands us: Treat your parents weightily; regard them as people of great worth. Treat them with deference. Take them very seriously in your life.
In the very early years, this happens naturally. If you see a very young child, you know that at a certain stage, mother and father are everything. Young children only want their parents. What their parents think of them is the only thing that matters. At a certain stage, children see parents as absolutely perfect.
But as children grow, this changes, and it should. We’ve all become more independent of our parents. Our lives give other people and other influences greater weight. We’re very aware of the faults of our parents. It’s at this point that God stops us and says: don’t you dare grow so removed from your parents, or so disillusioned with them, that you stop giving them a place of weighty importance in your lives. Don’t you dare stop caring for them, showing deference to them, speaking highly of them. Next to God, your parents are to receive the greatest respect and value in your life. Disrespecting them is a serious matter. Refusing to honor them is not just an offense to them; it’s also an offense to God, and a very serious matter.
Do you see how relevant and how challenging this command is? It’s especially challenging because there’s no exception clause for those of us who had less-than-perfect parents – and some of us did. As Martin Luther said, this command applies no matter how “lowly, poor, frail, and queer they may be.” The Heidelberg Catechism says it involves patiently bearing “with their weaknesses and infirmities.” This is not for perfect families with perfect parents and perfect kids; this is for all of us. This is for those of us who have parents who sometimes drive us crazy, or whose faults are very plain to us. God says that we are to honor that imperfect father who may have hurt us, and to honor our imperfect father. Not easy, but it’s what this command is about.
We’re going to look at what this means in practical terms in a minute, but before we move on we have to notice that this is the first commandment, as the apostle Paul writes later, with a promise. God says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” This, of course, was given to the people of Israel who were promised a land. The apostle Paul translates this promise to those of us who know Christ: “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:3). What does this promise mean? It’s not an individual promise as much as it is a corporate one. Obeying all of God’s laws is the way to life. It’s the best possible way to live well. And honoring parents is crucial to the basic functioning of society in every way – socially, economically, and spiritually. Whenever the basic structure of the family breaks down, it threatens the well-being of the entire society. Life becomes diminished for everyone. But when we honor and care for our parents, we create a social climate that enhances the possibility of a good and long life, not only for each person but for society as a whole.
That’s what this command means. Now we have to ask:
What did Jesus say about this command?
It’s always interesting to see what Jesus said about these commandments. He taught on many of them in the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus didn’t talk about the fifth commandment in that sermon, however. Instead, he referred to it when he confronted some of the most religious people who lived at the time, who thought they had found a way around this commandment.
In Matthew 15:4-6, Jesus said:
And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, “Honor your father and mother” and “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.” But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is ‘devoted to God,’ they are not to ‘honor their father or mother’ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.
So let’s notice what Jesus says here. First, he affirms that this is a command of God. The command to honor our parents, according to Jesus, is of divine origin. Second, he quotes Exodus 21:17, which says, “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.” Notice how serious this command is: in Israel, God’s covenant community, disrespecting parents is placed amongst commands dealing with death and physical injury, and failing to honor them is a capital crime. We don’t live in a theocracy – under the direct rule of God – so the punishment no longer applies, but Jesus affirms that this is not only a command from God, but that breaking this command is an incredibly serious matter.
But then Jesus confronts a group of adults who outwardly agreed with this command, but thought they had found a loophole around it. Jewish tradition allowed that funds originally dedicated to the care of parents could be declared Corban – legally dedicated to God – meaning that you would no longer be required to do anything to financially support your aging parents. Instead of giving money to your parents, you would instead give the money to the temple. Some scholars think that you were actually able to keep the money yourself and benefit from it, as long as it was dedicated to God.
In essence, they thought they had found a way out of financially supporting parents by playing the spiritual trump card. Jesus had no time for this. He said that this is actually a way of nullifying the word of God. They not only violated one a commandment and disrespected their parents; they also showed complete disregard for the word of God.
Do you see what Jesus has done here? He has not only reaffirmed the commandment to honor our parents, but he has emphasized its importance in the strongest of terms. He’s reaffirmed that this commandment applies to adult children, and he’s fleshed out what honor means. Honor means financially supporting our aging parents. The apostle Paul re enforces this too when he says, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Providing financially for our family is a spiritual issue. If we do not do this, it shows that we have not grasped the gospel. It is tantamount to denying the faith that we profess to believe.
So Jesus does not qualify this command or weaken it for us. Instead, Jesus re enforces it in the strongest possible terms, and helps us see that honoring means practically caring for the needs of our parents, including looking after their financial needs. To fail to do this is not only disrespectful to our parents; it also nullifies God’s word and implicitly a denial of the gospel. This is heavy stuff.
I want to stop here to ask about some of the wider implications of this command.
I want to be brief here and point out that, throughout the church’s history, Christians have seen this as a command that applies not only to our relationship to our parents, but to all authority. At first you may roll your eyes and think that they’re taking things a bit too far, but think about it for a minute. Martin Luther said, “Out of the authority of parents, all other authority is derived and developed.” Think about this. God has placed us in families, and the Bible teaches us that the family is the basic unit of society. In essence, the other structures developed when families got larger, so that the state or government is really, in essence, a very complicated extension of the family. This is a very different way of thinking. John Frame writes, “What we call ‘states,” then, are the governmental structures of the family of Adam.”
This is why the catechisms emphasize that this command applies not only to our relationship with parents, but it applies in a much wider way as well. That’s why, for instance, the Baptist catechism says, “The fifth commandment requires that we preserve the honor and perform the duties which belong to every one in their various roles as authorities, subordinates or equals.”
There’s one other wider implication. One day when Jesus’ family came to visit him, Jesus said:
“Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.
Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” (Mark 3:34-35)
If we are thinking of ways to honor our families, we also have to think not only in terms of parents and authorities. We also need to think of our fellow believers. The gospel turns us into a family. We are far more than just an audience. Blood is thicker than water; the blood that unites us as family is the blood not of physical descent, but of Jesus’ own blood, shed on the cross.
When we really understand this command, it transforms not only the way we honor our parents; it will transform the way we relate to all authority. It will help us even see our relationship with each other within the church in new ways. It’s what the apostle Peter was getting at when he wrote, “Show proper respect to everyone, love your fellow believers, fear God, honor the emperor” (1 Peter 2:17). This command is about honoring parents, authorities, and our spiritual family, for the good of all.
Well, let’s finish by asking what may be the most important question this morning: how do we keep this command?
There are probably few times in history in which the fifth commandment could be more counter cultural, more timely, more necessary. We need this commandment. Most of us have been taught to question authority. Our children are taught to be autonomous at a very early age. The fifth commandment reminds us of the importance of submitting and honoring those who are in rightful authority over us, especially our parents. We tend to be very individualistic. So this commandment challenges us in some very practical ways.
Let me speak to parents. You’ve probably heard of Grimm’s Fairy Tales. One of the lesser known stories is of a very old man, “whose eyes had become dim, his ears dull of hearing, his knees trembled, and when he sat at table he could hardly hold the spoon, and spilt the broth upon the table-cloth or let it run out of his mouth.” His son and the son’s wife became so disgusted by him that they banished him from the table, and when he broke his bowl they made him eat of a trough. They treated him horribly.
One day the couple’s son, who was four years old, began to make something out of wood. The parents were touched and said, “What are you making?” “I am making a little trough,” answered the child, “for father and mother to eat out of when I am big.” The couple looked at each other and wept, realizing that they were teaching their son how to treat them when they got older. And they brought the grandfather back to the table, and from that point on they always let him eat with them, and they never complained even if he did spill a little of anything.
You get the idea. The way that you are treating your parents as adults is teaching your children how to one day treat you. How this applies will look different in every circumstance, but the principle is clear: honor your father and mother. How are you doing in keeping this command? We need to ask how we are caring for our parents financially, socially, emotionally. To the degree that we are indifferent to their needs, to that degree are we diminishing the possibilities of a well-functioning society for all.
You need to teach your children how to respect authority, and the best way to do this is to teach them not only with your words but with your example. Your children need discipline, but they also need your example. Teach them to honor parents and authorities by the way that you honor parents and authorities.
Our society talks a lot about deadbeat parents who fail to take care of their underage children. But there’s such a thing as deadbeat sons and daughters, who fail to care for their feeble parents. We need to teach our children not to be deadbeat kids, both by teaching them God’s Word and demonstrating what it means to honor parents by our behavior.
Now let me speak about how this applies to church. This commandment transforms our family relationships and it transforms our view of authority, but it also translates our view of church. The church is not something that I attend or that I’m part of when it suits me. It is Jesus’ own family, united by his blood. This means that we are called, as Peter says, to love one another. We’re called not only to honor parents and authorities, but to love those in our spiritual family for the good of all.
This is why church is so counter cultural. People will get if you go to a church that’s hip and that you enjoy. They won’t understand you committing to people who cost you something, who are sometimes annoying and inconvenient. They won’t understand you loving others and sacrificing for their good when it costs you. But that’s what it means to be part of Christ’s family. It means committing to a particular group of people and loving them sacrificially.
The fifth commandment pulls us out of our selfishness and lets us live for others, not only our parents but for all that God has placed in authority, not to mention all others who have been saved by Jesus blood. What could possibly pull us out of our selfishness so we can live for others? Because we serve a Savior who perfectly honored his own Father and gave his life so that we could be changed.
Father, we thank you for this commandment. We see today that it applies to us, and that it’s crucial that we follow it. I pray that you would help us see its importance, not only for us, but for our children and our church as well.
We pray for those today who have not been honoring their parents as they should. Give them the grace that they need so that they will care for their parents by speaking well of them, forgiving them, and supporting them in practical and financial ways.
We pray for parents. Please allow us as parents to teach our children the importance of honoring those in authority.
We pray for our church. Teach us that we are family, and allow us to be free to love and serve our fellow believers.
All of this is possible because we have a Savior who not only honored his Father perfectly, but who died so that we could be forgiven and changed. May every person here be transformed by trusting in Christ. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Dr. Laura: Shame On You
I was listening to Dr. Laura while in my car a few days ago. I don't generally turn her on at home but do while I am driving around town, mostly for comic relief. Although this time, the answer she gave to a young married woman, enraged me.
The woman was complaining that her husband was an "excessive compulsive" personality and somewhat of a controller.
Dr. Laura's quick and ill-considered answer was beyond belief. She told the woman that she had picked her husband unwisely and must correct her mistake. The inference was that the woman should dump him by divorcing him. Then Dr. Laura gave her the alternative to dumping him, which was to have her tubes tied so that she would not bring children in to this "situation."
Dr. Laura's advice was not only uninformed but childish. We do not dump people we love just because they don't act exactly the way we like them to. We chose to love those we have committed ourselves to through marriage, by standing by them no matter what.
Secondly, how can Dr. Laura know for sure that this woman's opinion of her husband is correct. Women often state things in more dramatic terms than they really are. We are emotional creatures given to assumptions and perspectives based on our feelings. We can not trust our feelings, especially in a culture that had coddled and babied us all through our childhood.
My advise to that young woman would have been very different and I believe kinder than Dr. Laura's. I would have told the young woman that she may be overreacting, but for the sake of argument, let's assume she was not. Do we dump people because they don't meet our expectations? I would have asked for clarification as to what the wife was calling excessive compulsive. Is the woman in question doing her job as a homemaker and seeing to it that the work in the household is done for the sake of her family? Is she selfish and lazy? We don't know which is true by her testimony alone. Did she throw out that "psychological" term "excessive compulsive" to manipulate Dr. Laura into an answer she wanted to hear?
Thirty second marriage counseling can not be effective or accurate. It is showmanship of the worst kind. Playing counselor for three hours, possibly ruining the lives of people in thirty second snippets for the sake of ratings, is unconscionable.
I used to enjoy Dr. Laura, she would extol the virtues of homemaking and taking care of your man as though she really believed it. Is it possible that Dr. Laura only believes in these principles if we are married to perfect people.
I have news for Dr. Laura, no one is perfect. We all have things that we need to work on in order to grow into a better person, we don't divorce over them, we grow and change and work them out.
I was also angry when Dr. Laura used the phrase, "these kind of people don't change." It is an untruth. Many people change, and so what if they don't, we learn to accept the quirks in people and love them anyway.
One thing Dr. Laura does not understand, is that in Christ we can and do change. But being an unbeliever, Dr. Laura would not understand that changing power of Christ in someones life. She would never point anyone to faith in Jesus Christ. Because she does not believe people change, she leaves the caller with no hope at all for the marriage relationship that is experiencing trials.
Christians should not listen to Dr. Laura for advise. She does not know the Lord and will not counsel from the Word of God.
God's Word, as believers, is our authority for the situations of life. But in order to know God's way we must read His Word for general principles and then ask Him for direction on the specifics. If we seek the Holy Spirit for our wisdom, we will not go wrong. A perfect God has the perfect answer to everything.
The woman was complaining that her husband was an "excessive compulsive" personality and somewhat of a controller.
Dr. Laura's quick and ill-considered answer was beyond belief. She told the woman that she had picked her husband unwisely and must correct her mistake. The inference was that the woman should dump him by divorcing him. Then Dr. Laura gave her the alternative to dumping him, which was to have her tubes tied so that she would not bring children in to this "situation."
Dr. Laura's advice was not only uninformed but childish. We do not dump people we love just because they don't act exactly the way we like them to. We chose to love those we have committed ourselves to through marriage, by standing by them no matter what.
Secondly, how can Dr. Laura know for sure that this woman's opinion of her husband is correct. Women often state things in more dramatic terms than they really are. We are emotional creatures given to assumptions and perspectives based on our feelings. We can not trust our feelings, especially in a culture that had coddled and babied us all through our childhood.
My advise to that young woman would have been very different and I believe kinder than Dr. Laura's. I would have told the young woman that she may be overreacting, but for the sake of argument, let's assume she was not. Do we dump people because they don't meet our expectations? I would have asked for clarification as to what the wife was calling excessive compulsive. Is the woman in question doing her job as a homemaker and seeing to it that the work in the household is done for the sake of her family? Is she selfish and lazy? We don't know which is true by her testimony alone. Did she throw out that "psychological" term "excessive compulsive" to manipulate Dr. Laura into an answer she wanted to hear?
Thirty second marriage counseling can not be effective or accurate. It is showmanship of the worst kind. Playing counselor for three hours, possibly ruining the lives of people in thirty second snippets for the sake of ratings, is unconscionable.
I used to enjoy Dr. Laura, she would extol the virtues of homemaking and taking care of your man as though she really believed it. Is it possible that Dr. Laura only believes in these principles if we are married to perfect people.
I have news for Dr. Laura, no one is perfect. We all have things that we need to work on in order to grow into a better person, we don't divorce over them, we grow and change and work them out.
I was also angry when Dr. Laura used the phrase, "these kind of people don't change." It is an untruth. Many people change, and so what if they don't, we learn to accept the quirks in people and love them anyway.
One thing Dr. Laura does not understand, is that in Christ we can and do change. But being an unbeliever, Dr. Laura would not understand that changing power of Christ in someones life. She would never point anyone to faith in Jesus Christ. Because she does not believe people change, she leaves the caller with no hope at all for the marriage relationship that is experiencing trials.
Christians should not listen to Dr. Laura for advise. She does not know the Lord and will not counsel from the Word of God.
God's Word, as believers, is our authority for the situations of life. But in order to know God's way we must read His Word for general principles and then ask Him for direction on the specifics. If we seek the Holy Spirit for our wisdom, we will not go wrong. A perfect God has the perfect answer to everything.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Violence, What Does It Look Like
So often we equate violence with a smack in the face or a some other physical action that causes fleshly injury. There is another kind of violence that is much more subtle and damaging even than that which wounds the physical body.
Some of us who have lived more than 50 years, remember the days when a man would never speak crude language in the presence of a lady. In the eighteen hundreds in England, ladies were not allowed to attend funerals, or bars, or canteens where men hung out. They were considered the gentle gender in need of protection from those things that may emotionally upset them. We know that women had many hardships in their daily lives. Even those who were of healed means, experienced personal loss at young ages. There were diseases, accidents and hard work for those who were commoners. The disease also struck the wealthy, death was a common occurrence for everyone. There were no lack of lessons to be learned in the hardships of life.
There was a mentality in the old days that is conspicuously lacking in our culture today. That is the depth of concern for the well being of others. The women especially have felt the brunt of missing protection from the men. The women blame the men for their selfishness, and the men blame the women for the same reason. When in fact, both bear some responsibility, but the men carry the weight of the responsibility for their misunderstanding of the vision of the Biblical man.
The men abdicated their responsibility in caring for the woman in a loving manner, and the women responded wrongly in anger rather than in prayer. Both are cop able but the man holds the headship position ultimately is accountable for the condition of the home.
In business, if a CEO is not able to motivate his people in a manner that is fair and equitable, then he is accountable to the company for it's success or failure. The underlings are not held responsible for the company as a whole, but the CEO is. When a leader rules harshly and selfishly, then he presents a formula for failure and disaster. Of course the underlings are responsible before God to obey, but they are also responsible before God to inform the leader in a help-meet tone to protect him from disaster or error.
When the two work together in a Biblical manner with all considerations toward pleasing God, then all works together well.
When the two work together in a Biblical manner with all considerations toward pleasing God, then all works together well.
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