Communication is Essential to Any Relationship

http://www.ecclesia.org/truth/communication.html

Where Did The Love Go!

Narcissism is an epidemic these days fascilitated by the "Self Esteem" teaching. Many years ago I remember "Christians" who argued with me, believing that self esteem was a necessary element to a stable child, so they liberally administered their doses of this poison to their children.

Unfortunately those who did not believe in self esteem were at the mercy of the entire culture, extended family, schools and even churches who practiced this evil and ruined many children of Christian parents.

Does anyone else see the devastation from this teaching? There has been an explosion of selfishness and lack of empathy from so many in our children's generation. Loving hospitality is nearly non-existent everywhere we go. I am reminded of the scripture that describes these very days.

2 Timothy 3:1-6
"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come.

"For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, "proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, "unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self control, brutal "despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure "rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying "its power. And from such people turn away!"

It is worth noting that in the passage in 2 Timothy we see that these self esteemites will have a form of religion, but it is not the faith of the Bible, they may say it is, but their brand of religion is based solely on self exhaultation.

Self esteem has caused the next generation to be unteachable and arrogant. They depend on their knowledge and fleshly works to approve them.

One of the elements of narcissism is lack of empathy, lack of sense of humor, unless someone is harmed in some way and then there is laughter over the pratfalls of others.

Another element of narcissism is the inability to encourage others in their walk, mainly because there is a sense of needing to be superior to others. To encourage others, is a subordinate position and is unthinkable for the narcissist.

God commanded us many times in the Word to place ourselves last, deferring to others, considering others with a deep concern for their welfare.

Proverbs 15:17 "Better [is] a dinner of herbs where love is, Than a fatted calf with hatred."

Proverbs 27:5 "Open rebuke [is] better Than love carefully concealed."

1 Corinthians 13:5 "does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;"

Psalms 10:4 "The wicked in his proud countenance does not seek [God]; God [is] in none of his thoughts."

When we encounter a person who claims to be saved but is ashamed at the mention of the name of Christ alone or in a crowd, then we know there are problems, and perhaps we should begin praying for their salvation.

When Christ saves us He places in us His principles and when those principles are absent then there may not be salvation.

Proverbs 15:9 "The way of the wicked [is] an abomination to the LORD, But He loves him who follows righteousness."

We can hide to some degree from one another, for a time, then the clues will give us away, but we cannot hide from the Lord, He sees all and judges all.

Respect and Honor

Very often we think we are respecting a persons’ position, simply by withholding our anger at them when we disagree. Respect of ones position of authority is much more than just withholding our guile toward them. It is demonstrated in the way we address them, and can be seen in our attitude of inattentiveness to their conversation.  

One way of showing disrespect is "dismissivness" or "non-responsiveness." These two attitudes show us that there is disrespect coming from a person even though they may think they are hiding their hostile feelings from us.  

When we speak, they ignore what we say, and respond enthusiastically to others in the room to show their preference for the others, but disdain for us. This is much more common than we realize, and at times the perpetrator doesn't know they are doing it.  They are so wrapped up in themselves that what is inside comes out even without their awareness. 

Another sign that we have encountered competition and hostility, is the manner in which someone may choose to address us.  If we are being addressed by our first name by someone who normally would be expected to call us Mr. or Mrs. Or even Dad or Mom, we know we are encountering rebellion against perceived authority or position.

We live in a culture that has denigrated authority, has disregard for positions of prominence, as though there is an evil attached to any form of hierarchy.  Many of these same people who will not subordinate themselves to an older persons’ position, will demand respect for their authority when they feel it is warranted. 

Can we spell…”Narcissism” here? 

Our culture is becoming more and more inconsistent in our demands.  We say “follow my authority” but we do not want to follow anyone else’s authority.  This is the same double standard that we saw in the days when we heard quotes like this, “don’t do what I do, do what I say.”  What an immensely frustrating statement to those who desire to be respected, but are treated as insignificant and unworthy of fair treatment.

When we cannot humble ourselves before others, we cannot have a close walk with the Lord.  God says in James 4:6 “But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble." 

The Lord does not bless those who will not obey Him and He will not bless those who will not submit to others.  When we feel the Lord is not hearing us, we may be right.  It is best to ask the Lord to show us, as David prayed in Psalm 139:24 "And see if [there is any] wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting."

I found a very good article by Dr. George Simon that describes the tactic of leveling that is used often today to throw us off our guard and cause us to believe we have done something wrong or evil in just attempting to clarify a situation or ask for a modifying of the actions of someone who is harming us. 

I am thankful for Dr. Simon’s writings and work, he clearly shows our culture and the attempts of many people to control others by manipulation and intimidation.  Our culture is getting worse, it is good to know what we are up against, to be able to withstand the darts of the devil and remain strong for the Lord no matter what comes.  Here is the article, well worth our time, not only for the victims of these people but also for those who may find themselves engaged in ungodly behavior from selfish motives.  May anyone reading this, gain insight into themselves and others.

http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/04/01/leveling-as-manipulation-tactic/

Christian Nation? What!!!!

Christian nation?  What!!!!  When we could not force the people to comply with prohibition we legalized alcohol so that people could no longer be criminals while they were partaking. 

When we, as a nation, could no longer control the slave trade, because of the rebellion of our people, we legalized the buying and selling of slaves, so the criminals would partake without being illegal.

When we could no longer control the illegal gambling because the hearts of the people were rebellious, we legalized gambling so the criminals would be able to partake openly.

When we could no longer control "back alley" abortions, the killing of innocent babies, we legalized abortion so that the criminal doctors and the rebellious women could keep doing their evil legally.

When we could no longer control Marijuana in our country, we legalized it so the criminals could do it in the open without stigma attached to it.

When we could no longer control prostitution in our communities we ignored it and even legalized it in designated places.

When we could no longer control Muslims from taking over we allowed their Sharia law.

When we could no longer control the behavior of immoral people we turned our heads when couples lived together in sin without marriage and are even in the process of legalizing homosexual marriage to accommodate the wicked.

What has happened in all this legalization of sin?  Whenever a sin was legalized, the practice of it exploded exponentially.  How could these sins increase to such a degree if most people in the nation were believers....it couldn't. 

We have been pretending to be a "Christian" nation for 250 years.  Pretending...the actual practice of obedience to our Lord has not been there.  If we were a Christian nation, none of these evils would have taken root in the beginning, they would have been quenched before they had a chance to make a foot hold. 

We have made the mistake in believing that we are Christians by virtue of our words alone.  Lifestyle didn't matter much as long as we said we were Christians.  My contention is that our nation has been full of those carrying the title of  "Christian" who were never born again and never loved Christ. The true believers have always been a small remnant as in the entire world. 

We put on a good show of "Christianity" at our ball games by the opening prayer, while winning was everything to us.

We put on a good show of  "Christianity" at the mention of God once during our "beauty pageants” while parading shapely women in bathing suits based on their talents and their seductive charm.

We put on a good show of Christianity at the school Christmas plays with the manger scenes, after which Santa came out and gave out candy to the audience.   

We put on a good show of Christianity with a cross on stage at our churches, after which we had an "Easter" egg hunt on the church grounds. 

We put on a good show of Christianity claiming to hate Halloween, while dressing our children up in "fun" costumes rather than evil ones as they went door to door to beg candy on this pagan holiday.  Then of course that show at church that hold "harvest parties" to make us feel like we are ignoring the holiday without really doing so. 

Christian Nation......I don't think so!  We just think we were or are what we want to believe to make ourselves feel better about doing all the things that dishonor God.

Perhaps we should spend less time defending our selves as a "Christian" nation and spend more time on our knees praying for repentance for our families, friends and neighbors.

If Satan can keep us prideful and in a state of defensiveness, we will never repent in sack cloth and ashes, we will just keep defending ourselves and ignoring sin as we have always done.

America, perhaps we could repent.....for the first time in our existence.  

Families Have Been Assaulted

In a conversation recently with a young woman we discussed the current state of our culture in reference to young people who are living together without the benefit of marriage.  Even those who attend church are participating in this sin and their friends and family who would not do it themselves are approving of it.

Ephesians 5:3 "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints;"

Colossians 3:5 "Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."

Revelation 17:2 ""with whom the kings of the earth committed fornication and the inhabitants of the earth were made drunk with the wine of her fornication."

We, as a culture have "become drunk with the wine of fornication."  Those who do not do these things, but accept them, participate in the sin of others who live this way.

Now that we have seen the Word of God on this subject, perhaps we should look at the practical, human side of indulging in this sin. There is a reason God said not to do it.  He built into our being to be committed to one another, becoming one flesh for life. 

When we violate this principle we bring damage and brokenness to the family.  Children are insecure and angry in these relationships, they never know when an authority figure will abandon them, or if they are even loved.  Children need two parents who belong to them, fully.

Ephesians 6:4 "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."

It has been said that if two people live together they will find out if they are compatible for marriage and avoid a divorce if they get married.  According to the statistics the divorce rate among those who have lived together first, is higher than those who did not live together before marriage.

There is a very good reason why divorce would be higher for those who have lived together first, it is very simple; the attitude makes or breaks a relationship.  If we go into a marriage with the attitude that we can just dissolve the relationship if it doesn't make us happy, we display a lack of love and deep concern for the other person.  The objective becomes, "what will I get out of this" rather than "how can I be an asset to the other person.   In short....selfishness!

When two people go into marriage expecting to work hard to be what they should be and resolving to make the marriage work no matter what, these are the people who can make it in marriage.  They go into the relationship determined to love the other person and meet their needs rather than just grabbing for themselves. 

I wish that young people will see what "living together" really is and that is an attitude that "if I get tired of you, you mean so little to me that I want the option to dump you." 

We had a saying when I was young, "if a man asks you to sleep with him before marriage, he doesn't love you."  Men will say to young girls "if you love me you will let me."  The answer ladies to these men should be, "you are not the man for me, if you would ask me to violate my own conscience and give to you something as precious as virginity, then you don't love me, hit the road Jack." 

God shows us what love is in His very dying on the cross.  He gave of Himself for others before we loved Him, while we were yet sinners.  He is our example for marriage. 

This constant hopping in and out of relationships in dating and divorce and remarriage destroys children and the culture, we are well on the road to poverty as a nation because we have broken the strongest threads of a culture, the marriage and family. 

May we repent as a nation and may the apostate church repent from accepting this base standard for our young people.

Lie Detecting

In the last several years, I seem to have developed the ability to discern when someone was lying to me or showing contempt--or both.  I thought that the Lord had given me Holy Ghost discernment and had prayed to understand what I was seeing and processing the expressions and gestures of others.

While in prayer over the past few months, the Lord placed it into my mind the matter of Narcissism and manipulation, so I went to the computer and typed in those words to see what articles might emerge to give me more insight into what I was seeing in the actions and attitudes I was encountering. 

Much information was given me that was very helpful on these subjects and led me to an even deeper desire to understand the human condition.  The Lord led me to other materials that enlightened me even more.

All my discoveries based on the studies of others revealed that it is basic human nature to lie on a regular basis and every single human being on planet earth does it regularly.  I knew that man is depraved and incapable of righteousness without Christ, but these studies drove home the matter to such a degree that it solidified my Biblical belief that without Christ no man can stop himself from lying nor can any man make himself anything close to acceptable to God by his shear exertion. 

Jeremiah 17:9  “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; who can know it.”

Romans 3:10  “As it is written: "There is none righteous, no, not one;”

I remember disciplining my children as teenagers for rolling their eyes at me. I perceived this as an act of disrespect that I could not allow to pass without consequences.  I held to this position until now without realizing what I was looking at, even then the Lord was revealing to me what was inside the child of the rolling eyes. 

In the book “Liespotting” by Pamela Meyer, I began to realize what the rolling eyes really meant and why they were so disturbing to me at the time.  Here is what Miss Meyer said in her book:

“Many facial expressions are fairly easy to recognize and interpret, but there is one you want to watch for in particular because it is especially loaded with meaning.  This is the expression of contempt (emphasis mine).

“As we’ve discussed, contempt is the only asymmetrical expression; the other six all appear “bilaterally,” or equally on both halves of the face. A contemptuous expression may mean that a companion feels morally superior to you or that she believes you’re degrading yourself in some way.

“The renowned psychologist John M. Gottman has repeatedly demonstrated his ability to predict, with 90 percent accuracy, which newly weds will stay married and which will divorce. Oneo F. Gottman’s tenet is that couples who express anger toward each other aren’t necessarily at risk of splitting up….but those who express contempt are definitely in the danger zone. The mere action of rolling one’s eyes at a partner is a dismayingly accurate predictor of marital problems. When we feel contemptuous of someone, we’ve decided we’re morally superior. On some level, we have dismissed them. Contempt can be deadly to personal relationships, and it’s deadly in business relationships as well.

“If a conflict arises at work, and you spot contempt on your opponent’s face…a wrinkle in the nose, eye rolling, or a raised nostril combined with a curled upper lip… you’re on dangerous ground. And if you express contempt for those around you, they’ll sense it. Contempt poisons relationships.”

Miss Meyer has managed to hit the nail on the head.  So often we think we are hiding our contempt for someone because we don’t say words that convey this attitude, but our facial muscles and eye movements betray us. 

I have recently declared to others that I no longer believe the words of those around me. I watch their lives, actions and expressions to determine what is real.  Miss Meyer explains in her book that we tell 200 lies in a day on average, from little exaggerations to monster relationship breaking lies. None the less, our human nature carries these deceptions within the very depth of our souls, without our even realizing it. 

It is only through Christ living in us that we can escape the ugly creature that dwells within us, the lying despot that we are, continually deceiving others for our own gain. 

Sadly, I have been able to detect lies that show contempt for me and for what I believe, no matter what plastic smile occurs on the face of the liar. I have actually been told “we love you,” only to retort that “I do not believe you.”  Actions really do speak louder than words and so do facial expressions and head and eye movements. 

I have come to the conclusion that speech is a very small part of communication; our bodies give us away often.  When we sense that someone is not telling the truth, they probably aren’t.

All smiles are not genuine. We can see that, but we are reluctant to read it for what it is, because we have been trained by our culture to accept words over every other indicator of the truth.   

Christ Jesus calls Himself the Word in the gospel of John chapter 1.  All other human words are tainted with the stain of sin and cannot be believed unless backed up with a righteous life. 

In the book “Liespotting” it is clear that the author believes in evolution, and for this I am in disagreement; however, the science of spotting lying by facial muscles, eye movements and other gestures, is quite accurate in its information. 

We as human beings think we are fooling one another as long as we don’t get caught, and sometimes we are. However, those who are gifted in detection of lies or are trained in it, know what we are doing, we cannot hide from those people and we definitely cannot hide from God. 

If we repent from lying, seek God for truth and obey Him when He speaks, we can overcome this devilish fallen state that holds us captive, but only through Christ can we do it and only if we are submitted daily to Him. 

                                                                          

Job 42:2
“No thought can be withholden from Thee.”

Psalm 44:21
“For He knoweth the secrets of the heart.”

Proverbs 15:3
“The eyes of the Lord are in every place.”

Jeremiah 16:17
“For Mine eyes are upon all their ways: they are not hid from My face, neither is their iniquity hid from ine eyes.”

Jeremiah 23:24
“Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him?” saith the Lord. Do not I fill heaven and earth?”

Five Minutes After Death

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhfOJxywaDw&feature=related