Forgiveness is only given when there is the confession of sin.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” "
Take note of the phrase in verse 4, "and seven times returns to say "I repent;"
God never required forgiveness for those who are not sorry.
Repentance and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin for the purpose of reconciling a broken relationship. Forgiving someone who is not sorry goes nowhere and does nothing it is only words. This does not fix a relationship.
The idea that we forgive so we feel better or to stave off bitterness is not Biblical and comes out of psychology.
1 John 1:9 "9 IF we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
We do not automatically become bitter because someone will not be sorry to receive forgiveness.
Acts 8:22
"Repent, therefore, of your wickedness, and pray to the Lord. Perhaps He will forgive you for the intent of your heart."
The modern idea of forgiveness teaches people that God does not require repentance. God expects confession of sin from people before they can become born again.
There are a lot of people walking around thinking they are saved because they enjoyed their Christian friends and decided to join their club. They never confessed they were sinful and needed a Savior and their lifestyle doesn't change at all.
Matthew 7:21-23 "21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many [a]miracles?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’"
When we become born again we do it by repenting, changing our mind about our sin and Christ, we no longer want to be wicked anymore, we want Christ to cleanse us from our filthiness.
2 Corinthians 5:16-18 "16 Therefore from now on we recognize no one [a]according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ [b]according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. 17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, [c]he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation,"
In today's cultural Christianity, repentance is not required to become a part of the superficial Christian club. Therefore the churches are full of hypersensitive individuals who cannot tolerate correction or a rebuke. And, yet God requires repentance to be born again. He will not live in someone who does not want to be cleansed. He will not live in someone who loves their sinful lifestyle.
2 Timothy 4:2-4 "…2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and encourage with every form of patient instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears, they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires. 4 So they will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."
God expects repentance and forgiveness in our personal relationships just the same way He expects an unbeliever to be reconciled to Him, that is through repentance before there can be forgiveness.
When people have offended us we are to go to them and tell them their fault giving them the opportunity to be sorry so that we can forgive them. If they will not be sorry it makes no sense to forgive them for something they were glad they did or deny that they did. This merely empowers the evil to continue.
It is cruel and foolish to pressure a victim to forgive their attacker when the attacker has no remorse for their evil. Even God does not do this for anyone.
Isaiah 26:10 "Though the wicked is shown favor,
He does not learn righteousness;
He deals unjustly in the land of uprightness,
And does not perceive the majesty of the Lord."
Narcissists use the forgiveness of others as opportunity to abuse. They see love and kindness as a weakness further hardening their hearts.
When we operate in God's principles it will look very different from the ways of the world. The world says forgive the unrepentant so you can personally feel good about yourself. God holds people accountable for their actions and attitudes for their own good, we should do the same.
It is enabling and complicit with the evil man by letting him off the hook without a requirement to confess his evil. The attitude that we should forgive without a demonstration of remorse has caused this world to plunge into worse evil.
Lack of accountability for sin begets more and worse sin. We do not help people grow and learn by remaining silent and requiring nothing of them.
Matthew 12:36
"But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment."
Romans 14:12
"So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God."
Ezekiel 33:8
"8 When I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked man, you will surely die,’ and you do not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood I will require from your hand. 9 But if you on your part warn a wicked man to turn from his way and he does not turn from his way, he will die in his iniquity, but you have delivered your life."
The principle of accountability one to another is all through the Scriptures. It builds relationships when everyone is honest and humble in their desire to do for others and be the friend others need us to be.
May we stop seeking to feel good about ourselves through superficial forgiveness and begin to think about the well being of our friend who needs spiritual and emotional growth.
