Since I have had a lot of narcissists in my life over the years, I understand that none of them know me at all but believe they do. This is true of every scapegoat; the narcissist never sees the real person, they only see people as objects to use, and if the object cannot be controlled by them, they seek to destroy them.
The gossip that has occurred over the years has solidified in the minds of gossipers and their friends who believe them, so much so that they have basically brainwashed themselves to believe untruths.
It is curious that the narcissist will never discuss anything to find out the truth. Just as Eve didn't go to God when Satan lied to her. She wanted to believe the lie. If she had gone to God He would have instructed her that the devil was trying to ruin her relationship with Him.
Satan did this with Eve in the garden, enticing her to believe something about God that was not true. God gave a rule that the first couple was allowed to enjoy the entire garden except one tree. Adam and Eve, rather than being grateful for the entire garden, yearned after what they were not supposed to have. All because the devil planted ideas in their heads that the One (God) the couple should love, and Who loved them was lying to them, withholding something they should have.
Narcissists are like this, too; they want adoration and a godlike status so much that they are willing to ruin relationships for those who do not view them as more special than anyone else.
There are clues the narcissist carries all the time that can warn us someone is like this; it doesn't take very much exposure to them to see their manipulation and attempts at intimidation. They expect to be heard but are not tolerant of anyone else being heard.
One of the main characteristics is the lack of all the fruit of the Spirit. These people are continually angry, ready to pounce at the slightest indication that we would walk our own walk and not theirs.
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; against such things there is no law."
Those who love themselves more than others talk more than anyone else. When others disagree, they become angry and lash out to intimidate. When they cannot control you to make you like them, they gossip to others the lies they wish to believe themselves to turn others against you.
There is a saying I have heard, I don't know who said it, but I have seen it in practice myself.
"If the narcissist cannot control you, they will attempt to control how others see you."
The best way to handle the narcissist is to stay away from them as much as possible, don't tell them anything about your life, and remove those who believe the narcissist's lies.
Narcissists will goad us into responding according to their mess. This is why it is best to ignore them, do not respond, and let your silence convict them.
Proverbs 22:24-25 "24 Do not make friends with an angry man, and do not associate with a hot-tempered man, 25 or you may learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare."
James 1:19-20
"My beloved brothers, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires."
Ephesians 4:31
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice."
Colossians 3:8
"But now you must put aside all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips."
The best way to handle a narcissist is to refuse to be like them.
1 Corinthians 1533 "Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
2 Timothy 2:24
"And a servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome, but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, and forbearing."
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